15 July 2012

I am deeply conflicted about my iPad!!

*Long rant. Might not actually have a point besides Apple hating.

The situation: my school decided that all of us needed an iPad in order to facilitate better learning. Or something along those lines, I'm sure they phrased it differently. Anyway, with the school administration being as technology-illiterate as they are, they decided on the iPad3. Long story short, most of us in the school have an iPad now.

Which irks me. The fact that they even considered an iProduct irks me. Which part of inability to play flash videos do they not understand? Which part of insanely expensive, yet not really useful so they not comprehend? Which part of WHY CAN'T WE JUST USE A LAPTOP do they not see? And whose fucking idea was it to support the Apple Dictatorship and World Takeover Plan??

I feel a need to explain my intense hatred of all Apple products, but there are more than enough tech arguments already. And they're much more convincing than I'll ever be, because they know much more about technology than I'll ever know. Aka, google words like "fuck apple" or the like.

My main issue with the pretty useless toy called the iPad is its inability to play flash videos. Who the fucks doesn't use flash nowadays?? My anime, movies, blah, blahblahblah, are usually flash supported. And Apple is all like, hey man I'll just refuse to give you adobe, we cool bro?

Bottom line as I see it: no.

Also I have an issue with the AppStore. The store has various useful applications like blogger and wordpress, and a calculator - which should be default applications included in the product. But let's ignore that. Let's focus on the fact that we have to pay. Oh, not for the blogger or wordpress apps. But for every other motherfucking app.

Bottom line as I see it: we don't have such and such functions, now here are a bunch of free apps for you to play with, and don't forget to pay to get the full version!!

Please remember, students with no income of their own are unlikely to pay for things on the internet.

Oh yes, speaking of the internet. Why don't we talk about how the iPad is just a bundle of prettiness when you take away the internet? I've had mine for slightly less than a month. I find myself wanting to smash the glorified iShit every single time I walk out of range of an internet connection.

Safari closes my tabs. IT CLOSES MY TABS. Let me say that once again so that you will understand how truly terrible it is: SAFARI CLOSES MY TABS. Each time I open too many tabs, it closes a few others. It actually took me a while to realise the discrepancy between the number of tabs I opened and the number of tabs I see.

Excuse me, but I kind of exist on tabs. Safari doesn't even tell you which tabs were the ones that it closed. Oh no. Say hi to trawling through history.

That's actually why I downloaded the Chrome for iPads. Sure it's slower than Safari. And it kind of crashes on me sometimes, but that's to be expected since it wasn't exactly tailored to iProducts. But it saves my data. Like, creepy stalker saving of data, but still. It's wonderful. My life isn't complete without a stalker who saves all my internet history.

I mean, really, I'd give up privacy for data. I'm someone who feels incomplete without her tabs. I don't know, tabs are like security blankets, ever since my mother cut up my blanky a few years back. I check my tabs all over the place - twitter, hm, google search, open ten articles, read them all, keep them all open in case I need them, hm, more manga, hm, change manga tab.

Back to the topic. I have a few other browsers. That says a lot about how much I don't like Safari. In fact, Safari is used for school tabs. And for bookmarking Apple hate!articles. Hah. Haha.

Okay so I also don't like the Safari because it keeps fucking reloading all my tabs. Like, every time I switch. Helloooooo?? Why. I mean, being out of range means no AppStore, no browsers, no ... uh, no nothin'. In fact, all you will be left with will be your eBooks, music, and downloaded manga (in my case). Let me emphasize this: YOU BOUGHT AN EXPENSIVE DEVICE TO READ BOOKS AND LISTEN TO MUSIC WITH.

Unless you have a data plan. Huh. Lucky bastards, you all.

I mean, you can't even call people. And that shit's heavy. Bulky. FRAGILE.

FRAGILE.

Personal experience: drop the iPad and the screen shatters like so much candy. It was an iPad2, which belongs to my mother. The glass would have fallen all over EVERYWHERE if it wasn't for the screen protector sticking it all in place.

You know frustration? That sick feeling you get when something just fucking refuses to work like FUCK YOU, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO WORK, NOW FUCKING WORK. An everyday occurrence with the iShitPad.

I can access blogger, sure, but I can't upload photos. Nor use the 'compose' mode. Which defeats the whole point. If I could type a coherent post with only html then I wouldn't despair every single time the html screws up and gives me white highlighting. All I know is how to make it bold and italic.

WHY WON'T YOU WORRRRKKKKK.

Rant over. I hope. The main point of the entire post: my internal conflict.

I have an iPad. I don't like it, I didn't want it. My school offered an easy way to purchase iPads. And my father bought one. Because my mother seems to think that one iShitPad2 isn't enough, she needs an iShitPad3 as well.

Being as clever and as educated as they are, they bought a 16GB 'pad with no data plan. Ingenious.

My personal files are more than 75GB.

Also motherfucking iTunes.

/facepalm/

I still get worked up when I remember this. Would it kill them to just, oh, I don't know, NOT BUY THAT FUCKING OVERRATED PIECE OF SHIT? I have a laptop, for fuck's fucking sake. It's slow and tiny and crashes, BUT IT'S FUNCTIONAL.

THINGS WORK NORMALLY ON IT.

I don't fucking have to find reroutes around idiotic problems LIKE I HAVE TO ON THE IPADFUCK.

I HAVE MOTHERFUCKING WINDOWS EXPLORER AND I CAN MOTHERFUCKING SEE WHAT SHIT I HAVE IN HERE. DO YOU HAVE THAT, PADSHIT? DO YOU??? DO YOU??????????

I couldn't even view eBooks when I didn't have iBooks installed. They didn't even tell me "YOU NEED IBOOKS, PLEASE DOWNLOAD IBOOKS, YAY MARKETING". No, it was more like "HAHAHA OOPS IT AIN'T WORKING".

Appleshit makes my skin crawl. Maybe you'd like to hear about how I can't activate iMessage because the it keeps bouncing m e back to the login screen. Or maybe you'd like to hear about how I called the local support hotline and it was closed. Or maybe you'd like to hear another couple of rants about how I wasted my life trying to make the FUCKING SHITPAD WORK.

Or perhaps you'd like to hear about how it takes 134726876 hours for a mac to save my project, and how I waited for three hours before IT CRASHED ON ME AND LOST ALL MY DATA. Three fucking times. THREE CONSECUTIVE TIMES. I even switched macs (I was in the school computer lab). Or maybe a story or two about broken iPhones. Stuck home buttons. Stuck lock button. Shattered screens. Fucking iTunes. YAY I FINALLY JAILBROKE MY IPHONE.

Those stories are true. Either it happened to me personally, or it happened to my friends or family. Fucking Apple moneysuck/timesuck.

End of another rant... I wasn't supposed to do another rant, was I?? Sorry. Got carried away.

tl;dr: I want to smash/sell my iPad but it's expensive and I need it for some classes. Also parents. ALSO FUCKING APPLE LOVERS. I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ANYMORE I'M JUST ANGRY. WHY DOES APPLE EXIST. WHY IS APPLE STILL MOTHERFUCKING SELLING THEIR SHIT???

The iSheeps are, like, scary. New phones come out every 2-3 months. New iProducts come out every year. You think that's nice? The difference is that the old iProduct becomes defunct immediately once the new one comes out. You're still using an iPhone2 now? Cue "you're so unfashionably behind the times". You're using a NokiaFGw1231237? Huh okay.

You have no excuse for choosing an iPhone2 over an iPhone4 except "it's cheaper". They look the same. The iPhone4 has a couple of new, almost useless functions. THEY LOOK THE SAME.

You can choose a Nokia E78 (or something) over a Nokia Lumia 900 because OMFGGGG KEYBOARD. Or omfggg it's a pressure-sensitive touchscreen.

Look at it. There is no possible excuse for choosing an older iPhone model over the newer one. No special shortcuts, keyboards, etc etc.

WHY are people still feeding Apple?? Well, I'm guilty too. That's why the word 'conflicted' is up there in the title. I hate Apple. But I'm feeding it. I feel hypocritical. And ashamed. So ashamed.

(I convinced my mother to get a Lumia 800 instead of an iPhone, and my friend to get a N9 instead of an iPhone. I am slightly proud of that.)

But.

Dear mother of god.

When will Apple ever end?????? I have a sneaking suspicion that it'll take over the world slowly, through insidious psychological control and dependency. And we'll be powerless. Because the Apple Lovers are feeding it money and adoration.

(I actually choke a little when I think of the iPad. Or iPhone. Or any other iProduct. Oh god, even the name is ridiculous. "i" is so over. iBlog! Ew. Anyway, I choke when I see people paying goddamn money for overpriced, borderline useless, overrated toys like the iProduct series.)

IT'S JUST PRETTY.

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