29 February 2012

My PESA Speech

PESA stands for Plain English Speaking Award. It's supposed to be today, after school, but I had German class so I couldn't go, even though I was nominated by my class.

So here's my speech. I'm bored, and this blog is feeling very neglected. Am watching The Last Note as I type this. (Also can totally be stolen and plagiarised by desperate students because I feel for them.)

My speech:

Q4 “Before God we are all equally wise – and equally foolish”? (Albert Einstein) Share what you understand of this statement.


Albert Einstein was the classic picture of a mad scientist – white hair and a perpetually surprised expression. However, his famous quote, “Before God we are all equally wise – and equally foolish”, is far from a statement typical of a scientist. It is rather paradoxical, as “wise” is an antonym of “foolish”.

Today, I am here to share about what I understand of this cryptic sentence.

Firstly, we have to look at what Einstein means by “God”. As it is well-known that he criticized both personal gods – such as those worshipped in Islam and Christianity – and atheism, which is the belief that Gods do not exist, it can be rather difficult to ascertain what exactly Einstein meant.

I believe that Einstein did not mean a conventional God. I am of the opinion that he intended for “God” to represent infinite knowledge, and that he likens knowledge to a timeless and impartial God in the quote. Knowledge will never cease to exist, and knowledge favours no one.

Thus, we come to the second part of the given quote: that all men are equally wise.

An inherent part of human life is the pursuit of knowledge. We have kindergartens, secondary schools, and universities, which are all institutes dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge. In knowing that we do not know enough, we are wise.

Socrates’ quote, “I know that I do not know”, complements this. Any being, who, in the understanding that he does not possess enough information, seeks information, is considered wise – and as all humans seek information, we are all wise, to an extent. Whether we are a five year old child or an eighty year old man, we all yearn for more knowledge – this trait is displayed in all humans, regardless of age or profession.

This, then, is why men are equally wise, before the timeless and impartial thing called knowledge.

Now, we come to the last part of the quote: that all men are then equally foolish.

All of us, no matter how old or educated, think that we know something that others do not. For example – arguments. In trying to convince another that we are correct and they are wrong, we are assuming that we know better than them – that we are qualified to “fix” their way of thinking. Often, this assumption is wrong.

Thinking that we know better than others – this is a trait that all human beings possess.

We know nothing, but act as if we know everything. To someone of a higher level, we would seem ridiculous, in the same way that a master chess player might be amused by a novice’s attempt at strategy.

Even as we chase after enlightenment, we consider ourselves informed. In not knowing that we are ignorant, we are foolish.

Thus, in front of God – Einstein’s word for maximal and infinite knowledge – we are all equally foolish.

In conclusion, Albert Einstein’s quote, “Before God we are all equally wise – and equally foolish”, as I understand it, is about how men know that they do not know, yet tell themselves that they do know, all while pursuing what they do not know – a simplified paradox that is no less of a paradox.

18 February 2012

An Affliction Called Inadequacy and How it Eventually Went Away

I was reading hyperbole and a half when I suddenly, very suddenly and very acutely, felt a sense of inadequacy. It wasn't the everyday sort of inadequacy that all human beings face, the sort that only people who have too much money and too little conscience can escape. No, this was a crippling sort of inadequacy, ugly and really really painful, to say the least.

I became convinced that I sucked. I sucked, and that I still suck, despite reading thick novels about questionable things and browsing the huge internet archive of even-more-questionable things. I became convinced that I was ignorant and childish and selfish (okay, so maybe this one was already a given). I felt insufficient and inadequate (I should stop using this word). I became convinced that my writing was complete and utter shit, and that no one cared about me or my long,emotional rants about strange topics.

Ironically (and here I paused and thought about whether I was using "ironically" correctly and whether I even knew what irony was, before deciding that I didn't give a fuck and that since the word looked and sounded nice at that spot, I shouldn't try to remove or change it), it was hyperbole and a half that pulled me out of this little bout of depression.

Well, the blog's readers, specifically.

Hyperbole and a half's authoress is someone who has something of a compulsive need to correct others' grammar. It's kind of repeated several times in the blog, and I picked up on it precisely because I have the same horrible, tragic habit. I'm not exaggerating - it really is tragic. It hurts my self-confidence, when other people roll their eyes when I correct their grammar for the, like, millionth-and-god-knows-how-many time.

Anyway, I was pitying myself quite a lot when I decided to scroll down and read the comments. I thought that maybe there would be other people, who, like me, had read the blog and suffered from an acute feeling of worthlessness. I expected the comments to go along the lines of "I felt so very worthless after reading your humourous and exciting posts that I shall proceed to delete every single blog post I have ever made and that I will never write again because in no way will I ever match up to your godly skills".

Instead, I found a plethora of people commenting about how insanely funny, how insanely gifted, and how insanely awesome the authoress is. That's reasonable. Her writing is good. It makes me laugh.

What does not make me laugh, however, are the many many many many many many comments missing the critical element called Grammar.

... Or, maybe, it does make me laugh a little. But it simultaneously makes my insides shrivel up, and I kind of doubt anyone can laugh while experiencing that particular brand of agonizing pain.

Did I mention that bad writing causes me pain? Physical pain? Physical discomfort? Physical violence towards to writer of that piece of bad writing?

No? Perhaps I should mention it again. Bad writing = violence, from me to you with much love.

Sometimes it's mental violence. I'll glare at the person (or my laptop screen) and think a lot of unhappy, bloody thoughts. I'll crumple whatever piece of paper that I'm holding at that time and clench my teeth while cursing the person to the High Heavens (mainly because Heaven is like my personalised version of Hell, for many reasons that are not relevant right now).

Well, most of the time. I'm a teenage girl who detests sports, and while that works for writing long, angsty posts on my blog, it hardly allows me to bash a bodybuilder's head. (No offence if you're a bodybuilder, I just needed an example where no degrees are required - or is there a bodybuilders' special bodybuilder university, I don't know.)

Back to the comments. They snapped me out of my cycle of feeling inadequately inadequate and made me cringe, which, while rather uncomfortable, was preferred to feeling worthless and short (which I kind of am).

I began scrolling and laughing, and scrolling and laughing... more scrolling and laughing...

And I thought, their comments must cause the authoress quite a lot of discomfort. She's said that she has a compulsive need to correct other people's grammar, which I don't believe is much of a hyperbole, which means that the comments- the commenters who lack a proper grasp of grammar - must cause her a lot of discomfort.

And I thought, how ironic. (Once again I am unsure about the exact use of "irony" and once again I've found that I really don't give a damn.) Her blog post about grammar has attracted so many people, people who don't use proper grammar, and they're commenting about how they can absolutely relate to her compulsive need to correct other people's grammar.

Ha, I thought. Ha ha ha ha ha hahahahaha.

Goodbye, crippling feelings of inadequacy.

I feel perfectly fine again - a.k.a. really fucking selfish and self-centered and too full of myself to care about anyone else... am I repeating myself? Whatever, I'm awesome.

12 February 2012

An all-caps post because it gets on my nerves

NO!

STOP IT!

JUST STOP IT.

IT'S AND ITS

ARE TWO

VERY 

DIFFERENT THINGS

STOP FUCKING MIXING THEM UP

EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME

THE

APOSTROPHE

FUCKING

MATTERS

BITCH

WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT

IT MAKES ME PHYSICALLY UNCOMFORTABLE

JUST STOP

FUCKING FUCK

YOU ARE SO MUCH OLDER THAN ME

HAVE YOU NEVER GONE TO SCHOOL

JUST PLEASE

UGH

(Note: I think it's very likely that I have some mild form of OCPD or something. I mean, I need to sort notes by their value. They also have to face the same way. And let's not talk about grammar.)

1 February 2012

Oh, Motherfuck

I can't stand my CCA, I really can't. This tuesday they made us do footdrill, and one of the basic things is to align (which is understandably important, but way overstressed and not thought through enough). We have to tilt our heads up and to the right. And then stay there for however long they decide to make us stay like that.

I can't really think straight right now. I'm already too overstressed by all my homework and tests, but no, they need to add another thing.

Align, align, they say over and over. So who the fuck is the one not aligning, because from my point of view everyone's aligned. We have to stay like that because they expect us to magically understand who's not aligning while not moving our heads.

Thus the left side of my neck and shoulders were totally overstrained. The muscles hurt like fuck.

I can't turn my head to the left at all. At ALL. It just hurts so much. I also can't tilt too up, can't tilt too down, can't slouch too much, can't sit too straight. Basically, I'm a little paralysed from my waist up. The muscles fucking hurt even when I'm sitting properly.

It's not just a little muscle pain. I'm not motherfucking whining about this, I am deathly serious.

IT. HURTS.

I had third language classes today, so I couldn't see a doctor, but I will. Tomorrow. If my schedule allows me to. And I motherfucking bet that the doctor will recommend that I shouldn't participate in physical activities.

I know what normal muscle aches feel like, okay? This is not normal. It feels so motherfucking wrong. I'm being tortured. I can't sleep properly and I can't move properly. I can't motherfucking do anything properly or partially comfortably because of the motherfucking footdrill.

I've been in agony for an entire day, motherfuck, the pain is driving me out of my mind. It's not a sharp pain that you can press away. It's a dull residual pain THAT IS ANNOYING LIKE MOTHERFUCK.

Maybe I should email come random specialist in human action (there was a specific term, but fuck, my mind id clouded with pain and all that shit) and ask them check the routines. I'm pretty sure staying in that 'aligning' position for prolonged periods of time isn't physically correct. Or whatever shit.

I'm suffering every single fucking second because I can't motherfucking get any motherfucking relief. None. This is the WORST kind of pain. I can't take this kind of pain. Ugh. I can't. It's driving me insane. I can't feel comfortable anywhere. If my neck's comfortable (e.g. lying down on my particular side) then my body isn't. If my body's comfortable then of course my neck isn't.

I can't stand them. They've been through these things before (my seniors) like, obviously. I don't understand why they haven't tried to change or empathise. Discipline? Maybe lower your expectations until they're physically possible.

Sheesh. Seriously. Align, align, align. And we're expected to magically align. (We're not allowed to look down at our feet. And we're supposed to align our feet. To within centimeters.)

Such great logic.

Great logic that is causing me much suffering and hatred right now.

Thank you.

Because I feel particularly poisonous today because.

DUH.