(fic) to dream, perchance, to

- kurobasu, akakuro. bc i feel bad for not posting

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He dreams of an endless blue.

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When Akashi wakes up, it is just only six in the morning. He blinks at the vague sky, turns off his alarm. Ten minutes later he is dressed in a neatly pressed uniform and drinking a cup of green tea.

The apartment is silent, and the silence echoes. There is no one to greet, no one to welcome, no one to say "tadaima" to. Not that Akashi Seijuuro had ever had that habit, having been raised in a westernised family by a foreign nanny for the first five years of his life.

He picks up his bag, leaves the half-empty steaming cup on the table, departs for school.

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There is a blue at the edge of his vision. When he turns around sharply, there is nothing even remotely similar to blue anywhere in that direction. But he is used to it. He turns back, takes another step, continues on his way to school.

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School is tedious, monotonous, Akashi answers questions and recites poems word for word. He waits for the blue, but in his nondescript building in a nondescript campus there are only grey walls and grey railings and he leans against those railings, breathes in the air, sighs into the blue.

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He dreams of an endless blue, an eternal blue, an all-encompassing blue that shrinks suddenly to a single pale iris. Then he is staring into a face, a face with eyes that slowly blink and a mouth that parts open "sei-juu-rou".

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Another day at school, another day watching wisps of blue blow through his fingers in the wind, Akashi Seijuurou thinks about his name, thinks about his family, thinks about winning, thinks about blue irises in a Japanese face.

On his way back to his apartment he finds a blue flower in the drain. He lifts the heavy metal cover, takes the plant, roots and all, and goes back to his apartment to put it in a little flowerpot.

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He dreams of an infinite blue, a thousand years of existence in between one blink of those two eyes and the next. His hands are wrapped around a slender neck and he is looking into blue eyes and the eyes blink and a mouth says "sei-juu-rou".

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Often he wonders why he had been given the name "Seijuurou". Often he thinks about the name "Tetsuya", and an expanse of edgeless blue.

Sometimes the blue grows so huge that he has trouble comprehending anything else, rendered incapable of movement and speech, and there is only blue, such an overwhelming blue, a beautiful blue, painted behind his eyelids and imprinted on the inside of his skull, a blue, such a blue.

Then, always, there is the name "Tetsuya", "Tetsuya Tetsuya Tetsuya" over and over and over again echoing in the emptiness of the huge blue taking over his mind, and there is only blue.

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He dreams of a small little blue dot, and a pink mouth that moves, and "Seijuurou, kill me" runs through his mind in a neverending line, and there is so much blue, so much blue that it is bursting out of him, spilling out of his skin, and everything is blue, there is only blue.

There is only one blue.

(and he opens his mouth at last and what comes out is "tetsuya")

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I touch the blue.