what kind of parents determine that their kid can only be either university student or useless bum...
and then don't save up for their kid's university fees...
and then tell the kid to take out a loan/pay back the money to parents...
and then expect the kid to pay for younger sibling's university fees...
apparently my parents.
i seriously think they had me too young, and then never matured much afterwards as a person. like sure their skills and work improved but they're generally shitty people who don't know what they want from life and never made serious long-term concrete plans and act on impulse sometimes because certain things were easy for them when they were young and get irritated that their kid isn't perfect all over. hm.
i feel insulted that my parents talk about me getting a scholarship to harvard and then in the next sentence say matter-of-factly that i'll never get top in my level.
i feel insulted that they never saved up for my university fees but give me only the two generous choices of going to university or being a failure. like if you really want me to go to university, maybe you should've started saving up early instead of expecting me to take out loans and GIVE MONEY TO THE BANK WHEN I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO. like i'll return your shitty money whatever i'll pay you back for giving birth to me and raising me or whatever but at least you could be a bit cleverer about this. why the unnecessary expenditure when you can't afford it. also foresight and planning and shit. i am actually way more disappointed than insulted.
also the clusterfuck of expecting repayment when you're parents. it makes me question their love like seriously. i have always ALWAYS assumed that in a very practical manner, my parents would provide for me when i'm young and i'll provide for them when they're old. that's only fair, right. i'm thinking along the lines of a nice house and decent money every month for them. but apparently my parents don't think so. they don't trust me to provide for them. makes me feel two million times insulted.
also yeah i'd totally pay for my brother's education because i'm nine years older so that's practical really. but it really irks mw that they expect it from me. like an obligation. literally i have kind of no obligation to care for my brother at all, the shitbag that he is sometimes, but goddamnit i actually love him so i give him shit unconditionally.
honestly i have never ever thought about having my brother repay whatever money i'd give him in future. like sure i'd stop giving him money after a while. but i never expected him to pay back his university tuition or anything because kids have enough to worry about after university without debts!! i'd help my brother only to a certain point but i'd NEVER ask him to pay back any of the help i've given him before that point. maybe expect reciprocation, when the opportunity arises. but not repayment.
my plan is to be a lawyer and get decent rates which are technically kind of exorbitant but not for a lawyer. i'm literally prepared to work my bones off and do morally ambiguous things to get there. and i'm going to save 40% of my paycheck and invest 20% and spend the rest.
seriously who the fuck doesn't save up
living from paycheck to paycheck horrifies me so much i just can't picture it i literally can not. trying to picture it gives me breathing problems and anxiety because WHO THE FUCK DOESN'T SAVE UP
either they're stupid or so rich they've never had to think about money
i aim to have enough money to never have to worry about large purchases. like, no yachts for me but i'd like to fly business class without a single thought about the cost because it wouldn't be significant.
my parents upset me SO MUCH because they aren't as mature as i'd like them to be - which isn't a crime but it DOES mean that i can't trust them to do things and when you feel like you can't trust your parents to run the household it is VERY TERRIBLE especially because they refuse to let you have any say and continue running everything their shitty way
i am aware that this is almost exactly like working, but at least at work you are assigned ADULT RIGHTS subconsciously even. people don't demand that you make your bed. they don't feel entitled to micromanage your life. and you can do a lot with ADULT RIGHTS. children's rights are bullshit.
my parents upset me so much
i think i'm getting worry lines
god knows i'm already grinding my teeth from stress
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