?????????????????
angry confused helen is trying to sort out her life or at least just her filing system
angry confused helen is not dead and is also not quitting the internet NOPE, INTERNET=GOD
itunes is a little shit and i polished off an entire course of psycho pass in three nights the sibyl system is a fucking little shit too and kogami is a little bitch with a vendetta godammit kogami couldn't you have just fucking listened to tsunemori oh my fucking god
fucking arse i probably failed all my tests
fucking arse i hate everything
10 May 2013
28 April 2013
ok so this is just another post about me
I am going to tell you that I am borderline OCD.
I am not actually OCD. I have read books about OCD and stories about people with OCD and I can safely tell you that I do not actually have OCD.
But I literally go crazy when people touch my things without permission. Why? Because the possibility that they might have moved whatever thing that they touched drives me insane. The possibility that my stuff might have been rearranged is seriously unbearable to me.
Want to get me out of bed on Sunday? Start touching things on my desk. 100% guarantee, I'll be up within a minute.
Other people moving my stuff makes me so twitchy that I will just grab them to make them stop, even if they're strangers. Actually I'll probably restrain myself for the sake of propriety, but after they turn away I'll just put my stuff back in its original position. Even if it's been moved less than a cm away. I cannot. I cannot just let it stay where someone else put it.
I don't know if this screams possessive or control freak or OCD, but I understand that most people do not freak out over parents touching their stuff. Like, I'm talking about just running a finger over something. I have to stare at them the entire time to make sure that they don't do anything.
Actually now that I think about it I think this screams trust issues or insecurity but whatever.
Also I have other borderline OCD characteristics. If someone's desk or bag or file or anything is not neatly organised, I will thoroughly invade their personal space and ignore all social norms to make it neat.
Actually, probably not, for the sake of propriety. Often I realise that I've been reaching towards a friend's belongings to help them tidy it, and then forcibly pull my hand back.
I have actually descended to the point where I have a compulsion to even organise wallets. I believe I've mentioned this before, but notes have to be facing the same way, stacked nicely, and smoothened out.
Yes I realise that most people usually do not feel compelled to tidy your stuff for you.
It's just that clutter makes me uncomfortable and distracts me. I like simplicity. Blank spaces. I will do a lot of things to somehow make things look good and neat. I like to know where things are. I like to be organised. In fact if you ask me where something is, my reply will either be "idk that's not mine" or I'll give you specific directions to where that thing is.
Ok and I'm also a bit of a hoarder. I dislike deleting things. But I also like having things neatly named and put in folders and having one of each file.
Basically what I'm saying is that making things tidy makes me feel good. And that I have issues, maybe.
(Don't get me started on grammar and spelling and presentations.)
But I'd like to make it clear that I do not have OCD because OCD is a serious thing and my issues are pretty minor I think.
I am not actually OCD. I have read books about OCD and stories about people with OCD and I can safely tell you that I do not actually have OCD.
But I literally go crazy when people touch my things without permission. Why? Because the possibility that they might have moved whatever thing that they touched drives me insane. The possibility that my stuff might have been rearranged is seriously unbearable to me.
Want to get me out of bed on Sunday? Start touching things on my desk. 100% guarantee, I'll be up within a minute.
Other people moving my stuff makes me so twitchy that I will just grab them to make them stop, even if they're strangers. Actually I'll probably restrain myself for the sake of propriety, but after they turn away I'll just put my stuff back in its original position. Even if it's been moved less than a cm away. I cannot. I cannot just let it stay where someone else put it.
I don't know if this screams possessive or control freak or OCD, but I understand that most people do not freak out over parents touching their stuff. Like, I'm talking about just running a finger over something. I have to stare at them the entire time to make sure that they don't do anything.
Actually now that I think about it I think this screams trust issues or insecurity but whatever.
Also I have other borderline OCD characteristics. If someone's desk or bag or file or anything is not neatly organised, I will thoroughly invade their personal space and ignore all social norms to make it neat.
Actually, probably not, for the sake of propriety. Often I realise that I've been reaching towards a friend's belongings to help them tidy it, and then forcibly pull my hand back.
I have actually descended to the point where I have a compulsion to even organise wallets. I believe I've mentioned this before, but notes have to be facing the same way, stacked nicely, and smoothened out.
Yes I realise that most people usually do not feel compelled to tidy your stuff for you.
It's just that clutter makes me uncomfortable and distracts me. I like simplicity. Blank spaces. I will do a lot of things to somehow make things look good and neat. I like to know where things are. I like to be organised. In fact if you ask me where something is, my reply will either be "idk that's not mine" or I'll give you specific directions to where that thing is.
Ok and I'm also a bit of a hoarder. I dislike deleting things. But I also like having things neatly named and put in folders and having one of each file.
Basically what I'm saying is that making things tidy makes me feel good. And that I have issues, maybe.
(Don't get me started on grammar and spelling and presentations.)
But I'd like to make it clear that I do not have OCD because OCD is a serious thing and my issues are pretty minor I think.
16 April 2013
men and women aren't equal because women bleed seven days a month
Yes so I am a female and I have periods. And today I will bitch about how stupid periods are.
Essentially women bleed for one week every month. That's three quarters a year. That's three months of bleeding every year. Over a lifetime that's years and years of BLEEDING.
Now, you can transfer that into another context. Say you have a slash on your arm. It bleeds for a week every month. You'd probably be running to a doctor, fearing for your life. That's pretty normal. That is a normal reaction to bleeding for a week.
I do not understand why women are supposed to pretend periods are normal things. Here's a tip: periods aren't normal. They should not be acceptable and frankly periods are fucking unfair. Guys don't get punished for not being pregnant.
I do not understand why for years and years and years, women have been pretending that periods are acceptable, and women are told that they should bear with it and suck it up. How about no? Try bleeding every month for a few years, then you can talk about it.
When I'm on my period, I don't get any mood swings. But I do want to writhe around on the classroom floor. My cramps last for only one day, but on that one day I am tortured. Cold sweat all over my body - I literally cannot stop sweating even when I am cold. And do you understand what cramps mean? It's some kind of weird pulsing sensation INSIDE your body, it's not a cut that you can press and numb.
Women literally have to take pain relievers for it. Like, every month. Do you not see a problem? Which man takes pain relievers every month for a problem that nature gave him? Men don't get kicked in the nuts every month. Women bleed from their vagina seven days a month.
My point is that periods aren't worth it. The only reason periods exist is that some women might someday like a biological kid. What if you never want a fucking kid? You don't get to opt out of this, you know. There are tons of kids waiting for adoption. How about you get rid of your periods and adopt a nice kid?
There's no reason why periods should exist. If you have your period, it's not a valid excuse for skipping class. You have to sit there and listen when all you want to do is to writhe around on the floor cursing everyone. On the other hand if anyone else was bleeding continuously, they'd get rushed to the ER.
See the discrepancy? Women shouldn't pretend it's normal. You can't lead a proper life when a quarter of your life involves bleeding. More people should be researching safe ways to stop periods. I'm not say that it's more important than solving world hunger or things like that, but this mindset that "periods are normal, we should suck it up" should be eliminated.
Other notes:
Women, you have to understand that periods aren't a gift from god or nature or anything like that. If anything disproves intelligent design, then periods do. Either god likes watching women writhing in pain, or he has no idea how to design shit, or he doesn't exist.
Also I have a system for enduring pain which involves tightly controlled breathing and moving uninjured body parts. Like if I stubbed my toe, I'd stop breathing and keep really quiet, and clench my hands. It helps me to endure pain quietly. Like, you know, when you have cramps in class and don't want to disrupt everyone or let them know that you're dying from excessive bleeding.
Essentially women bleed for one week every month. That's three quarters a year. That's three months of bleeding every year. Over a lifetime that's years and years of BLEEDING.
Now, you can transfer that into another context. Say you have a slash on your arm. It bleeds for a week every month. You'd probably be running to a doctor, fearing for your life. That's pretty normal. That is a normal reaction to bleeding for a week.
I do not understand why women are supposed to pretend periods are normal things. Here's a tip: periods aren't normal. They should not be acceptable and frankly periods are fucking unfair. Guys don't get punished for not being pregnant.
I do not understand why for years and years and years, women have been pretending that periods are acceptable, and women are told that they should bear with it and suck it up. How about no? Try bleeding every month for a few years, then you can talk about it.
When I'm on my period, I don't get any mood swings. But I do want to writhe around on the classroom floor. My cramps last for only one day, but on that one day I am tortured. Cold sweat all over my body - I literally cannot stop sweating even when I am cold. And do you understand what cramps mean? It's some kind of weird pulsing sensation INSIDE your body, it's not a cut that you can press and numb.
Women literally have to take pain relievers for it. Like, every month. Do you not see a problem? Which man takes pain relievers every month for a problem that nature gave him? Men don't get kicked in the nuts every month. Women bleed from their vagina seven days a month.
My point is that periods aren't worth it. The only reason periods exist is that some women might someday like a biological kid. What if you never want a fucking kid? You don't get to opt out of this, you know. There are tons of kids waiting for adoption. How about you get rid of your periods and adopt a nice kid?
There's no reason why periods should exist. If you have your period, it's not a valid excuse for skipping class. You have to sit there and listen when all you want to do is to writhe around on the floor cursing everyone. On the other hand if anyone else was bleeding continuously, they'd get rushed to the ER.
See the discrepancy? Women shouldn't pretend it's normal. You can't lead a proper life when a quarter of your life involves bleeding. More people should be researching safe ways to stop periods. I'm not say that it's more important than solving world hunger or things like that, but this mindset that "periods are normal, we should suck it up" should be eliminated.
Other notes:
Women, you have to understand that periods aren't a gift from god or nature or anything like that. If anything disproves intelligent design, then periods do. Either god likes watching women writhing in pain, or he has no idea how to design shit, or he doesn't exist.
Also I have a system for enduring pain which involves tightly controlled breathing and moving uninjured body parts. Like if I stubbed my toe, I'd stop breathing and keep really quiet, and clench my hands. It helps me to endure pain quietly. Like, you know, when you have cramps in class and don't want to disrupt everyone or let them know that you're dying from excessive bleeding.
23 March 2013
so i wasn't actually going to address this but then i became strangely nervous
Sometimes I get nice complimentary comments on my blog, and they're always kind of vague, and they're always posted by anons. So I get a little paranoid - "what if other people think I'm just complimenting myself under the guise of an anon??" - yes, I'm actually a little paranoid.
Um so no, I don't compliment myself, because that doesn't feel as good as when other people compliment me. So. Haha? This is a very awkward post.
(Been looking at too many tumblr posts about anon asks sent wrong, I suppose.)
Um so no, I don't compliment myself, because that doesn't feel as good as when other people compliment me. So. Haha? This is a very awkward post.
(Been looking at too many tumblr posts about anon asks sent wrong, I suppose.)
i'd like to recommend a book series and an awesome person
The book series is called the Bridge Chronicles, and the awesome person is Gary A. Ballard, the author.
Why? The Bridge Chronicles is fucking wonderful. It gets a good solid four from me. A coherent, realistic, believable (except for The Know Circuit, I have a few problems with that) storyline. Very good writing. Human characters with human characteristics. There are four books now, but I've only read the first three.
I would have finished them all in one sitting, but I had to go to Thailand for a little while and the glare from the sun doesn't work too well with the iPad.
(Yes, I read ebooks, no, it doesn't bother me. All I care about are the text and formatting, I don't give a single shit about whether I have the physical copy in my hands. I do plan to hunt down extremely pretty editions of my favourite books, though. I'm something of a hoarder, collector, whatever.)
And why am I pimping the author too? (God, the phrasing makes me uncomfortable.)
Because he has a blog, and from what I see, he's a very logical person who's more than willing to consider various perspectives. He seems to make his decisions based on a consideration of all the angles. (Or most angles, at least.) He's wonderfully coherent.
(I was sold after the single post about gun violence. (It's bloody difficult to do html on iPads, by the way.) Very cohesive and persuasive. Then again I was all for gun control in the first place, and also think "guns don't kill people, people kill people" is phenomenally stupid and blind. It's a crazy generalisation.)
Also Ballard is very coherent about how guns are the most efficient murder weapons available... And I really can't believe America doesn't have basic background checks and doesn't require people to prove that they know how to use a gun. Isn't it basic? Make sure that he isn't a psychopath or a total idiot before handing him a killing device?? America what are you doing?
Anyway, Ballard is the most human author I've ever seen. There's always this distance between actual published authors and the rest of us humans, you know? Like singers, actors, whatever. They sometimes feel like they're polished and hyperaware of PR. So they censor themselves like crazy. Ballard writes awesome introductions for his novels. Ballard also writes semi-personal blog posts about kind of controversial things that might damage his reputation or at least make his fans turn away.
(Hey, it happens. You know Ender's Game and its incredibly homophobic author Orson Scott Card or something? I read the first three books of the series, thought they were good, but somehow slightly off-putting. I didn't find out about the author's idiocy until much much later. And then I tried to read the fourth book and ended up feeling nauseous and mildly disgusted. Apparently he didn't preach much about religion or his personal views in the first few books, so that's why I was able to make my way through the books. Objectively speaking the first three books are good, though!! Really.)
(Also with the Lamplighter trilogy. I read the second? Or third book, and thought that I might like to read the others. I didn't actively like the book, but I'm a little OCD and not reading the whole series makes me incredibly frustrated. So I flipped the first page of the trilogy and the author starts thanking god for everything. I just couldn't. I got a little nauseous and annoyed. I mean, what, did you write that book or did you not? Give yourself a little credit. Your god couldn't help starving kids, but helped you write three books??)
Anyway, point is, Ballard is an awesome human being as far as I know. If he turns out to be a intensely religious person I would be intensely disappointed, but he'd still be logical and coherent, and I'd still like that about him. (But I'd think "irony" every time I think about him.) (Just like how I always think "oh the dreadful irony" whenever I read the 'personal beliefs' section on Orson Scott Card's Wikipedia page.)
So here you go. A book rec and a person rec. I hope I didn't fuck things up too much.
Why? The Bridge Chronicles is fucking wonderful. It gets a good solid four from me. A coherent, realistic, believable (except for The Know Circuit, I have a few problems with that) storyline. Very good writing. Human characters with human characteristics. There are four books now, but I've only read the first three.
I would have finished them all in one sitting, but I had to go to Thailand for a little while and the glare from the sun doesn't work too well with the iPad.
(Yes, I read ebooks, no, it doesn't bother me. All I care about are the text and formatting, I don't give a single shit about whether I have the physical copy in my hands. I do plan to hunt down extremely pretty editions of my favourite books, though. I'm something of a hoarder, collector, whatever.)
And why am I pimping the author too? (God, the phrasing makes me uncomfortable.)
Because he has a blog, and from what I see, he's a very logical person who's more than willing to consider various perspectives. He seems to make his decisions based on a consideration of all the angles. (Or most angles, at least.) He's wonderfully coherent.
(I was sold after the single post about gun violence. (It's bloody difficult to do html on iPads, by the way.) Very cohesive and persuasive. Then again I was all for gun control in the first place, and also think "guns don't kill people, people kill people" is phenomenally stupid and blind. It's a crazy generalisation.)
Also Ballard is very coherent about how guns are the most efficient murder weapons available... And I really can't believe America doesn't have basic background checks and doesn't require people to prove that they know how to use a gun. Isn't it basic? Make sure that he isn't a psychopath or a total idiot before handing him a killing device?? America what are you doing?
Anyway, Ballard is the most human author I've ever seen. There's always this distance between actual published authors and the rest of us humans, you know? Like singers, actors, whatever. They sometimes feel like they're polished and hyperaware of PR. So they censor themselves like crazy. Ballard writes awesome introductions for his novels. Ballard also writes semi-personal blog posts about kind of controversial things that might damage his reputation or at least make his fans turn away.
(Hey, it happens. You know Ender's Game and its incredibly homophobic author Orson Scott Card or something? I read the first three books of the series, thought they were good, but somehow slightly off-putting. I didn't find out about the author's idiocy until much much later. And then I tried to read the fourth book and ended up feeling nauseous and mildly disgusted. Apparently he didn't preach much about religion or his personal views in the first few books, so that's why I was able to make my way through the books. Objectively speaking the first three books are good, though!! Really.)
(Also with the Lamplighter trilogy. I read the second? Or third book, and thought that I might like to read the others. I didn't actively like the book, but I'm a little OCD and not reading the whole series makes me incredibly frustrated. So I flipped the first page of the trilogy and the author starts thanking god for everything. I just couldn't. I got a little nauseous and annoyed. I mean, what, did you write that book or did you not? Give yourself a little credit. Your god couldn't help starving kids, but helped you write three books??)
Anyway, point is, Ballard is an awesome human being as far as I know. If he turns out to be a intensely religious person I would be intensely disappointed, but he'd still be logical and coherent, and I'd still like that about him. (But I'd think "irony" every time I think about him.) (Just like how I always think "oh the dreadful irony" whenever I read the 'personal beliefs' section on Orson Scott Card's Wikipedia page.)
So here you go. A book rec and a person rec. I hope I didn't fuck things up too much.
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