30 January 2013

education systems

Today we had a discussion in class about rigid education systems and such. I found it quite ironic that we're discussing that while sitting right in the middle of the rigid education system that we're condemning. But whatever. We suck it up and move on. There are degrees to be awarded.

There was some issue with the system sticking us into a box and expecting us to think out of the box. I think I once read a book about a child who had never been outside the small ten feet by ten feet room that he's been in ever since birth. (It was a weird book. Don't ask.) Basically he was so frightened and unused to the outside world that he could barely function. Back in the small room, everything outside was like a dream. Like, not real. So yes, the education expects us to function in a world that we have never experienced. That's a problem.

Um yes, but fixing that problem takes a lot of resources and time and whatnot. Imagine ten dudes shifting a twenty floor building by hand. Red tape, manpower, etc, and the system isn't failing THAT badly anyway, we've still got the rare creative sort popping up here and there.

Another issue was the 'grouping by age' thing. Class of 2010, etc. We watched a video where that was called the manufacture date. This is a real problem, actually. You stick a bunch of people together, assuming that just because they're the same age, they... Learn the same way? The same pace?

In all my years in Asia, I've never known of anyone who's skipped grades. Sure, there are accelerated programmes, but those are for the elite. Like, people on an entirely different level. Those people whom you only hear about. I don't know anyone who knows anyone who's skipped a grade. I don't even think the school allows it. I don't think so, at least... I mean, there's probably this long and arduous and complicated process, and that's mostly for skipping the entire secondary school and going straight to university or something. Most people probably aren't clever enough.

But there's got to be different paces, right? I for one am bored to death in class. I spend most of that time blinking blankly at the whiteboard or sneakily doing something unrelated to class on my iPad. But for maths and science I'm sometimes stumped. (Okay, not really, I just don't want to put in the effort. It hurts my head.) I know people who just don't get languages, and I know people who fail so utterly at maths that... There are no words.

So it should be logical to sort them by ability... Nope. Again, it's just so much easier this way. The majority of same-age people are also at the same maturity level. (I said the majority, dammit, not all of them.) No one's going to a shift a twenty floor building by hand just to accommodate the, what, thirty percent?? (idk it's not a very small percentage, but it's definitely less than half) of those who can be better than their age group.

Also this is Asia, there's this weird pride thing going on. If we group it by ability, then those who are older but are less capable in a particular aspect will feel embarrassed. Maybe ashamed. (Okay so not only Asia.) I'm talking decrease of self-worth. Increase of suicide rate maybe. I mean, haven't you read articles about people the same age as you achieving great things, and you look at yourself, in your pajamas... Ahem. I mean, you feel a little bitter, don't you?

Also different learning styles. That's the third issue, apparently, and I think this is the issue that's the most important. So we're talking learning alone, learning in a small group, and learning in a large group, we're talking audio, visual, hands-on. Some methods just don't work for some people. Imagine a teacher talking to you about sine and cosine and tangents (that's maths) ... It just doesn't work without a diagram.

I sigh. Anyway, I am done talking about education systems. It makes me depressed and there aren't any ways to improve the system quickly.

22 January 2013

back to school problems

1. Too tired to move

When I get home I barely have enough energy to pull out my iPad and stare into the internet for a couple of hours. Staring into the internet doesn't take any energy. It's about the easier thing to do, ever. A while later I regain enough life to crawl to the bathroom and take a shower. That's it. That's about it. It feels like there are weights tied to every part of my body. I'm not kidding, I rarely even get off the floor.

2. Muscle ache

So after two months of inactivity I go back to school. And back to Phys Ed class. That's a formula for aching muscles all over your body. There's no alternative - this is what I get every year. Right now I can barely walk. Again, not kidding. My calves burn something horrible. Climb stairs? How about no. Too bad I have to climb two floors up to my classroom. And then two floors down for food. And then two floors up to the classroom again. Even rolling out of bed is painful.

3. Parents

I thought I've experienced chronic nagging from parents. Ha, ha ha ha. No. Today I was nagged about studying - every hour. That's about six hours, from the time when I came back from school, and now I'm hiding in my room with the lights off to escape my parents. Sounds like I have a good life, but no. Today was just an exceptionally good day. I actually skipped out on a good hour of school. (Also I wake up at 5:50am every morning, fuck the world.) Each time my parents spoke to me it was like having a bunch of angry hornets poking at your eardrum. Just stop. Stop stop stop. I spend more time lazing around at school than at home, and I don't even get scolded for it. This is why I don't want to go home. (If I do go home then I go to bed as early as possible.)

4. Sleep

I usually sleep from 10:30 to 5:50 on school days. That's like at least seven hours of sleep, but it sure doesn't feel like it. For the last three weeks I've been waking up in the middle of the night. Like, multiple times every single night. Also I dream. What's so bad about dreaming, you ask? Well, when I dream, it's always lucid dreams. And I'm also always half-awake during dreams. It doesn't feel like I slept at all. It feels like I closed my eyes and lived another life, and woke up just in time to get back into this life. And I just can't fall asleep. Rest time? Haha no. Also all my dreams have entire casts of characters with full back story and sometimes I am multiple characters. If that doesn't fuck up a good night's sleep then I don't know what will.

5. In general, everything sucks

You know that timetable? The one that tells you what class to go to, when. That's stupid. And school? That's stupid. I've been cooped up alone during the entire holidays, because I have anxiety issues about going outside alone and all my friends are overseas. Also my parents don't exactly like me going out with my friends. In the end I spent perhaps two months exchanging at most mild pleasantries with people I may or may not know (seriously I don't even know if I know them). I want to walk around with my friends. Talk to them. Laugh. I don't want a timetable pressing on me, nipping at my heels and sending a flood of irritation across my friendtime.

Also I'm being honest, being alone isn't exactly good for my psychological health. I've been doing some odd things lately. I'm very sure that it's because of a lack of interaction with humans.

P.S. 6. Homework

Except not exactly, because I either not do homework, copy homework, or rush it at the last minute. Right now it's not much of an issue. If I don't feel too dead in school then I'll probably do it in school.

Oh yeah, and 7. School

It makes me feel dead. On most days I can sit there and drool at the teacher for five hours straight. Breathing feels like a chore. I'm not getting much of an education. I mean, I appreciate the effort that the teachers have put in, really, but there's only so much you can do when one of your students have an erratic learning speed.

Um, sorry. I guess.

7 January 2013

i am fed up with life

I am ill and injured (no I mean literally) and sick of this world's bullshit and I'm totally ready for my new adult life. I am the stunning butterfly that flutters out from the nondescript chrysalis. Or whatever. I am so ready to become an adult. I have left all the fucks behind. I have no fucks left to give. I am ready to try this deadpan thing that seems so popular. I am unamused. My face will not be not unamused. My face looks like this -___- and I have a sore throat and yeah okay whatever I'm going to go take a nap.

6 January 2013

Dream diary??

Today I had a really disturbing dream. By disturbing, I mean that I was itching to kill people for no good reason, just because I could. Also it wasn't exactly mercy killing. I was all let's torture this person and watch him die slowly and painfully. And I had fun, I think. More details next time. Sometimes my dreams scare myself.

2 January 2013

first post of 2013?? first day of school in 2013

We haven't had any real classes yet, it's just fun and games for these three days. School officially starts next week, so I suppose I have a few more days to finish that pile of holiday homework...

I'm kind of tired and my brain's kind of empty. I kind of want to do something artsy, but I also kind of don't want to. Cause, you know, effort.

Am feeling quite drained. I think I forgot how to interact with humans. This is stressful. School is so amazingly stressful.

Why doesn't this place ever fucking snow...?

Anyway, I thought about doing something productive, but the heat sapped all the energy out of me. So I present this shitty non-post.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to turn the a/c really low and see if I feel like reading a book.