It might be a food, a song... an anime series...
I'll be infatuated, briefly (or in the case of Code Geass, infatuation for life) and eat live breathe it for a little while. If it's a song, I put it on repeat for two, three entire days. I listen to it for five hundred times consecutively. Then I lose interest and forget about it.
If it's a food, I crave it totally. I eat and eat and eat. Then I get sick of it. (Exceptions are tomatoes and seaweed.)
And anime series... I follow it like a rabid fangirl, lose interest, and pick it up again late just because I wanted to know what happens in the end.
I'm just saying, it's annoying. I annoy myself.
Anyway, this kinda means that I'll be bored in between the bouts of infatuation. It's not that neat - ending one infatuation and picking up another immediately.
When I'm bored, I start thinking myself to death. I think about everything. I imagine millions of scenarios. Literally, I feel depressed when I do that. That might be overthinking, but anyway. it sucks. A lot.
I have to do stuff so that I don't become depressed because I'm too bored. I mean it. I twitch compulsively. Foot tapping. Like, the entire package.
.......................
Okay , I'm finishing up Ao no Exorcist as I type this, so I'm kinda distracted. It's boring and doesn't move fast enough, but whatever. I'm following the manga, but I wanna watch the anime too just in case there's other stuff.
Also, Fukuyama Jun voices Yukio.
As in, the same voice actor who voiced Lelouch Lamperouge.
So, ta-ta, off I go now.
22 December 2011
18 December 2011
EOY2011
[Strategically leaving this blank for the moment because of certain people. *Flails* NO NO PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I DIDN'T LIE.]
so this was updated in july 2013
why am i such a lazy arse
conclusion is that i worship the ground hitomi walks on okay
so this was updated in july 2013
why am i such a lazy arse
 |
| vocaloid. i think. |
 |
| what the hell is this anyway |
 |
| um |
 |
| izumi. right. |
 |
| yonor |
 |
| naruto yes? yess? i got it right. i don't even watch naruto |
 |
| um |
 |
| utapri. i think. |
 |
| well, something else that i don't know |
 |
| a cute girl with hitomi |
 |
| again |
 |
| isn't this from bakuman or something but forgive me if i'm wrong |
 |
| ga..ku....po...? |
 |
| that cute girl |
 |
| more cute |
 |
| some rin-len version again |
 |
| meirin, kuroshitsuji |
 |
| vocaloid group |
 |
| moar rin-len |
 |
| whelp |
 |
| death note, as i'm sure you can tell |
 |
| air gear, akito-agito pair |
 |
| goddamn there should be more air gear cosplays |
 |
| ...like hell i know what this is |
 |
| same here |
 |
| cute, tired, but still cute hitomi |
12 December 2011
Sometimes You Get Jealous
We've all seen the blogs about pretty girls who ditch school, have trouble passing Maths, and pierce everything.
They're skinny and pretty, don't seem to be addicted to food, appear older than they are, and hang out with guys. But they also have trouble passing subjects, ditch school whenever they want, and university? Never, unless they bribe a lot of important people with a lot of money.
But you get jealous. A little. You don't want to admit it. But really, that kind of idyllic lifestyle is kind of fun. Sounds cool.
It's not that your life sucks. You look fine. You eat food. You occasionally talk to people of the opposite gender. Your grades hover around good and okay, you don't ditch school unless you can wrangle a doctor's note, and university, with some studying, is really quite achievable.
But sometimes being a little stupider and just doing whatever the hell you want without any regard for the future is... desirable.
... Okay, okay, I've just caught myself scrolling through the blog of a girl who's the same age as me, reading her posts, which all have unbearably horrible sentences structure and spelling and... Grammar? Has she heard of grammar? Has she heard of proper legible spelling?
She's pretty, yes.
At first I tried to pass it off as curiosity, which, kind of, failed to explain why I was clicking the 'older posts' link. Surely, surely curiosity doesn't make one suffer through that much pain. (Spelling, grammar, sentence structure, I'm crying.)
Then I realised that I was just a little bit jealous.
Oh god.
How could I...?
Of her...?
I was repulsed, a little. I went 'eww'. Her. Who only has a pretty face.
End of story: I thought about it, rationalized, and thought about it some more. My jealousy disappeared. Although, to tell the truth, I wonder what it would be like to walk around with as empty a head as hers. It would be terrific, goodbye all the logical reasons and worries for the future, and all the endless thoughts that annoy me endlessly with how they endlessly swirl around and never cease.
(The real reason why I went 'eww': She goes to a school which I might have entered, if I had been a lot less intelligent.)
They're skinny and pretty, don't seem to be addicted to food, appear older than they are, and hang out with guys. But they also have trouble passing subjects, ditch school whenever they want, and university? Never, unless they bribe a lot of important people with a lot of money.
But you get jealous. A little. You don't want to admit it. But really, that kind of idyllic lifestyle is kind of fun. Sounds cool.
It's not that your life sucks. You look fine. You eat food. You occasionally talk to people of the opposite gender. Your grades hover around good and okay, you don't ditch school unless you can wrangle a doctor's note, and university, with some studying, is really quite achievable.
But sometimes being a little stupider and just doing whatever the hell you want without any regard for the future is... desirable.
... Okay, okay, I've just caught myself scrolling through the blog of a girl who's the same age as me, reading her posts, which all have unbearably horrible sentences structure and spelling and... Grammar? Has she heard of grammar? Has she heard of proper legible spelling?
She's pretty, yes.
At first I tried to pass it off as curiosity, which, kind of, failed to explain why I was clicking the 'older posts' link. Surely, surely curiosity doesn't make one suffer through that much pain. (Spelling, grammar, sentence structure, I'm crying.)
Then I realised that I was just a little bit jealous.
Oh god.
How could I...?
Of her...?
I was repulsed, a little. I went 'eww'. Her. Who only has a pretty face.
End of story: I thought about it, rationalized, and thought about it some more. My jealousy disappeared. Although, to tell the truth, I wonder what it would be like to walk around with as empty a head as hers. It would be terrific, goodbye all the logical reasons and worries for the future, and all the endless thoughts that annoy me endlessly with how they endlessly swirl around and never cease.
(The real reason why I went 'eww': She goes to a school which I might have entered, if I had been a lot less intelligent.)
Love You Forever by Robert Munsch
You can read it here, but there are no illustrations: http://www.rogerknapp.com/inspire/loveforever.htm
This is a children's book, about a mother who rocks her child to sleep, singing,
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.
It's fine in the beginning - what any normal mother will do. Then it gets a little strange. The little tyke does all kinds of shitty things, and then the mother will invariably become pissed. But at night, she'll always crawl across the floor and rock him to sleep.
On and on. Even when he's an adult and has moved out.
Then she falls ill, calls him to visit, and he does. She sing him the song, but doesn't manage to finish because she's too ill. At which point the boy picks her up and rocks her and sing a different version of the song, where the last two lines are substituted by,
As long as I'm living
my Mommy you'll be.
He goes home, picks up his daughter, repeats what his mother used to do to him.
Let me stress that she rocks him to sleep every night.
Every.
Night.
A lot of people find it sweet and heartwarming. They say that it's not meant to be taken literally, that what it actually means is that mothers will always love their children.
I'm sorry, but I don't think children aged one and up (http://www.amazon.com/Love-You-Forever-Robert-Munsch/dp/0920668372) understand how to take things metaphorically.
Now, time for my theory.
Instead of a mother's love, this is a story about a mother's abuse.
No, see, it all makes sense. Shush, let me explain.
When the boy was young, his mother abused him. It might have been his father or uncle or whoever, but it's not important. Someone in his family abused him - any kind of abuse works, but let's just say it's physical. They beat him.
And he grows up, lashes out, as a result of that abuse, and oh look, they're still abusing him. I'm going to substitute the rocking for beating, and the song for abuse - like, she beat him everyday, instead of she rocked him to sleep everyday.
He grows. He becomes a rebellious teenager. Of course it's because she abused him! Why else - and she keeps on abusing him.
I'm starting to like my version more and more.
He moves out. But his mother follows him - in the original story, she still rocks him to sleep every night, even though he's rather far away now and it theoretically isn't plausible for her to still rock him to sleep every night. In my version, he still has nightmares about the abuse and that experience never truly leaves him.
Get it? The parallels?
She falls ill. Calls him for a visit. Still the same abusive mother, so the guy is like, fuck all, I'm pissed, you abused me and I'm pissed. So what? Remember that scene where he sing her song back to her? In my version he's taking some slightly violent revenge.
Oh, oh, and remember how abuse victims often become abusers themselves? Yes?
See it now? He repeats it all to his daughter.
Hah.
(Also, the main reason why I'm completely freaked out and creeped out by this story - the crawling part. remember the crawling part - is this. The illustration.)
I will never let a child read this.
... Excuse me, I need to go and lock my door and windows, and then maybe huddle in a corner and cry a little because that book is terrifying and disturbing and oh god she's crawling - )
/EDIT:/ I find this link funny, especially this comment:
Jane Yolen
I am a hugger, too. I am sentimental. I am gooey over my first grandchild. I adore my grown children. BUT
I find LOVE YOU FOREVER to be about an incredibly dysfunctional family, with a mother who infantilizes her child, invades his private space, never can say "I love you" when he is awake, and even when he is grown manages his life. I am convinced she drugs his cocoa, otherwise why does he sleep so soundly when she crawls (!) into his room and picks him up every single night.
And when the teenage daughter awakes one night and finds her father holding her in his lap, she is going to call 911.
Nope--this one is a very dangerous book. IMHO. And not at all amusing.
http://www.fairrosa.info/disc/loveyouforever.html
This is a children's book, about a mother who rocks her child to sleep, singing,
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.
It's fine in the beginning - what any normal mother will do. Then it gets a little strange. The little tyke does all kinds of shitty things, and then the mother will invariably become pissed. But at night, she'll always crawl across the floor and rock him to sleep.
On and on. Even when he's an adult and has moved out.
Then she falls ill, calls him to visit, and he does. She sing him the song, but doesn't manage to finish because she's too ill. At which point the boy picks her up and rocks her and sing a different version of the song, where the last two lines are substituted by,
As long as I'm living
my Mommy you'll be.
He goes home, picks up his daughter, repeats what his mother used to do to him.
Let me stress that she rocks him to sleep every night.
Every.
Night.
A lot of people find it sweet and heartwarming. They say that it's not meant to be taken literally, that what it actually means is that mothers will always love their children.
I'm sorry, but I don't think children aged one and up (http://www.amazon.com/Love-You-Forever-Robert-Munsch/dp/0920668372) understand how to take things metaphorically.
Now, time for my theory.
Instead of a mother's love, this is a story about a mother's abuse.
No, see, it all makes sense. Shush, let me explain.
When the boy was young, his mother abused him. It might have been his father or uncle or whoever, but it's not important. Someone in his family abused him - any kind of abuse works, but let's just say it's physical. They beat him.
And he grows up, lashes out, as a result of that abuse, and oh look, they're still abusing him. I'm going to substitute the rocking for beating, and the song for abuse - like, she beat him everyday, instead of she rocked him to sleep everyday.
He grows. He becomes a rebellious teenager. Of course it's because she abused him! Why else - and she keeps on abusing him.
I'm starting to like my version more and more.
He moves out. But his mother follows him - in the original story, she still rocks him to sleep every night, even though he's rather far away now and it theoretically isn't plausible for her to still rock him to sleep every night. In my version, he still has nightmares about the abuse and that experience never truly leaves him.
Get it? The parallels?
She falls ill. Calls him for a visit. Still the same abusive mother, so the guy is like, fuck all, I'm pissed, you abused me and I'm pissed. So what? Remember that scene where he sing her song back to her? In my version he's taking some slightly violent revenge.
Oh, oh, and remember how abuse victims often become abusers themselves? Yes?
See it now? He repeats it all to his daughter.
Hah.
(Also, the main reason why I'm completely freaked out and creeped out by this story - the crawling part. remember the crawling part - is this. The illustration.)
I will never let a child read this.
... Excuse me, I need to go and lock my door and windows, and then maybe huddle in a corner and cry a little because that book is terrifying and disturbing and oh god she's crawling - )
/EDIT:/ I find this link funny, especially this comment:
Jane Yolen
I am a hugger, too. I am sentimental. I am gooey over my first grandchild. I adore my grown children. BUT
I find LOVE YOU FOREVER to be about an incredibly dysfunctional family, with a mother who infantilizes her child, invades his private space, never can say "I love you" when he is awake, and even when he is grown manages his life. I am convinced she drugs his cocoa, otherwise why does he sleep so soundly when she crawls (!) into his room and picks him up every single night.
And when the teenage daughter awakes one night and finds her father holding her in his lap, she is going to call 911.
Nope--this one is a very dangerous book. IMHO. And not at all amusing.
http://www.fairrosa.info/disc/loveyouforever.html
17 November 2011
AFA2011
*all photos uploaded/edited 2014/08/27, captions also added
So I bought some neko ears and the thingy that cats wear... you know... the thing with bells...
Ugh. Anyway, it was totally awesome, what with squishing riiight behind Kaname and Usagi on day two for the regional cosplay championships. I mean, like, SQUISHING. With my large heavy camera. And a Rin right in front of me, so that I couldn't actually extend my lens in case she poked it with her elbow or something.
Anyway, I was kinda stalkerish and took many many photos of Kaname and the sexy Usagi with my very very extendable lens - don't ask. Somehow I managed to find my way around that Rin's elbow.
I took like almost four hundred photos. It included an awesome Victorique from Gosick.
By the way, Facebook's being much more bitchy than usual and refusing to let me upload my day two pics, which are more awesome, I think, despite the fact that my camera was running out of batt fast. I mean, I wasn't allowed to go, and then I started crying, so my parents let me go - hehehehehe. Yeah so it meant that I didn't have time to charge the camera (a nikon, I think, I have a really bad memory).
Umm so I went over to find Yonor and Izumi, and took a bunch of photos. They were Euphemia and Anya on day one, and I was like, Code Geass! I love Code Geass so much, so so much. They were, uhm, Luka and Miku on day two... uh, Camellia, I think.
So I bought some neko ears and the thingy that cats wear... you know... the thing with bells...
Ugh. Anyway, it was totally awesome, what with squishing riiight behind Kaname and Usagi on day two for the regional cosplay championships. I mean, like, SQUISHING. With my large heavy camera. And a Rin right in front of me, so that I couldn't actually extend my lens in case she poked it with her elbow or something.
Anyway, I was kinda stalkerish and took many many photos of Kaname and the sexy Usagi with my very very extendable lens - don't ask. Somehow I managed to find my way around that Rin's elbow.
I took like almost four hundred photos. It included an awesome Victorique from Gosick.
By the way, Facebook's being much more bitchy than usual and refusing to let me upload my day two pics, which are more awesome, I think, despite the fact that my camera was running out of batt fast. I mean, I wasn't allowed to go, and then I started crying, so my parents let me go - hehehehehe. Yeah so it meant that I didn't have time to charge the camera (a nikon, I think, I have a really bad memory).
Umm so I went over to find Yonor and Izumi, and took a bunch of photos. They were Euphemia and Anya on day one, and I was like, Code Geass! I love Code Geass so much, so so much. They were, uhm, Luka and Miku on day two... uh, Camellia, I think.
 |
| bunch of figurines |
 |
| cute baby tam |
 |
| another cute baby tam |
 |
| baka mike |
 |
| ehehehe |
 |
| view of kaname |
Hmm but I basically walked around with Tamara and Phoebe and Mike, stalking cosplayers with our cameras. It was fun. Even though my feet hurt.
1 November 2011
SLEEP
Yesterday night, I went to bed at 10pm. After falling asleep for a little while (I presume I did indeed fall asleep) I woke up again and became pissed about how I couldn't get back to sleep - I was tired as fuck after an entire day outside with my class but hell if my brain was going to let me sleep.
Oh, so guess what, it was 11.40pm when I finally decided to give up and look at the time. I thought that it'd be closer to 3 or 4 in the morning, but it was barely two hours after I went to bed.
Great, so I tossed and turned and fucking fumed before I completely gave up at about 12. This meant that I got out of bed and read manga until 3.15am.
Then I went to bed. And slept. Until 7am.
It seems like it's only one day, but these kind of things happen every single fucking time. Every fucking night, (or something like that, I have a bad memory) I wake up and spend too much time trying to get back to sleep. I wake up about three times per night. I always wake up before my alarm. I can never fall asleep within an hour.
Also, it seems like most of my sleep time is spent half-aware of whatever dream I'm having. Which, however nice it sounds, is shitty. I know it's cool to be able to be awake and asleep at the same time. But when you're tired as fuck, no. JUST NO.
I want to sleep normally okay? I don't want any stupid panda eyes. No more panda eyes.
Another thing is that I can function normally even if I sleep three hours a night (function as in I don't fall asleep standing up etc, can hold conversation etc, and can actually make logical decisions). I have no idea if it means I'm just awesome and efficient and don't need to sleep that much, or my definition of 'function' is too lax.
IDK but Phoebe seems to fall asleep everywhere even if she sleeps five hours. Like, seriously sleep. I find it hard to fall asleep anywhere, including my own fucking bed. MY OWN BED. UGH.
I think I compensate by lazing around on my bed the entire day. It makes me feel more rested. Somehow.
Oh god, I need to write something, but I'm either too tired to use my brain or too busy to sit down. Thinking of original stuff requires more brainpower than reading others' stuff. Right? Right.
I think I'm just rambling here. I have no fucking idea why I even started this post, but since I've started it I might as well post it up. GDI my holidays, my holidays, why are my holidays so packed? CIP and ROD and training camp and oh my fuck just thinking about it makes my brain hurt somewhat.
By the by, Dr. Seuss is just fucking creepy. His books give me nightmares. Kids should never read them. And no, I've never thought that it was spelled "Suess". That's just wrong.
Oh, so guess what, it was 11.40pm when I finally decided to give up and look at the time. I thought that it'd be closer to 3 or 4 in the morning, but it was barely two hours after I went to bed.
Great, so I tossed and turned and fucking fumed before I completely gave up at about 12. This meant that I got out of bed and read manga until 3.15am.
Then I went to bed. And slept. Until 7am.
It seems like it's only one day, but these kind of things happen every single fucking time. Every fucking night, (or something like that, I have a bad memory) I wake up and spend too much time trying to get back to sleep. I wake up about three times per night. I always wake up before my alarm. I can never fall asleep within an hour.
Also, it seems like most of my sleep time is spent half-aware of whatever dream I'm having. Which, however nice it sounds, is shitty. I know it's cool to be able to be awake and asleep at the same time. But when you're tired as fuck, no. JUST NO.
I want to sleep normally okay? I don't want any stupid panda eyes. No more panda eyes.
Another thing is that I can function normally even if I sleep three hours a night (function as in I don't fall asleep standing up etc, can hold conversation etc, and can actually make logical decisions). I have no idea if it means I'm just awesome and efficient and don't need to sleep that much, or my definition of 'function' is too lax.
IDK but Phoebe seems to fall asleep everywhere even if she sleeps five hours. Like, seriously sleep. I find it hard to fall asleep anywhere, including my own fucking bed. MY OWN BED. UGH.
I think I compensate by lazing around on my bed the entire day. It makes me feel more rested. Somehow.
Oh god, I need to write something, but I'm either too tired to use my brain or too busy to sit down. Thinking of original stuff requires more brainpower than reading others' stuff. Right? Right.
I think I'm just rambling here. I have no fucking idea why I even started this post, but since I've started it I might as well post it up. GDI my holidays, my holidays, why are my holidays so packed? CIP and ROD and training camp and oh my fuck just thinking about it makes my brain hurt somewhat.
By the by, Dr. Seuss is just fucking creepy. His books give me nightmares. Kids should never read them. And no, I've never thought that it was spelled "Suess". That's just wrong.
14 October 2011
Sorry for the interruption. We have been receiving a large volume of requests from your network. To continue with your YouTube experience, please enter the verification code below.
*Sorry if this wasn't what you were looking for. This post has been receiving a lot of hits, for some unknown reason. This is not an 'avoid captcha'. This is a rant.
Sorry for the interruption. We have been receiving a large volume of requests from your network. To continue with your YouTube experience, please enter the verification code below.
-Sincerely, Youtube
FUCK YOU. Fuck you, okay? This is discrimination. Discrimination against the generation of a faster rhythm than you're used to, you old coots. I demand an explanation. I demand a tear-filled apology about how extremely wrong you were to show me this kind of shit and then -
- AND THEN MAKE ME TYPE A FUCKING CAPTCHA.
We've talked about this before, Youtube. You need to catch up. Our shorter attention spans are obviously detrimental to your financial situation in some way, which must be why you're making us type the fucking captchas, but guess what, darling Youtube.
We no give fucks.
We want videos. No captchas.
No "too many comments" captchas, no "large volume of requests" captchas. Because fuck you, you're making us spend more time typing captchas than doing any real shit on Youtube. Not that we do any real shit, but that's kind of beside the point.
Remember. We've talked this issue of yours before. Don't disappoint us all.
Sorry for the interruption. We have been receiving a large volume of requests from your network. To continue with your YouTube experience, please enter the verification code below.
-Sincerely, Youtube
FUCK YOU. Fuck you, okay? This is discrimination. Discrimination against the generation of a faster rhythm than you're used to, you old coots. I demand an explanation. I demand a tear-filled apology about how extremely wrong you were to show me this kind of shit and then -
- AND THEN MAKE ME TYPE A FUCKING CAPTCHA.
We no give fucks.
We want videos. No captchas.
No "too many comments" captchas, no "large volume of requests" captchas. Because fuck you, you're making us spend more time typing captchas than doing any real shit on Youtube. Not that we do any real shit, but that's kind of beside the point.
Remember. We've talked this issue of yours before. Don't disappoint us all.
13 October 2011
KOREAN MUSIC FOR YOU!
http://koreanmusicforyou.wordpress.com (/EDIT/: 2/8/12: it's dead)
It's a very awesome blog, I have no idea why I didn't find it earlier. Anyway, it's k-pop download links (Sungha Jung's there too) and the links are up really fast - SHINee's Lucifer single only came out yesterday, but it's already online today. Thought I'd share the blog, you know, since it's awesome and all.
UNRELATED:
Anyway, the 'pirated'/'illegal' music online. Frankly, IDGAF. It's not like I don't care about the artists; I care, very much, especially if it's SHINee or UVERworld and stuff. But honestly, I'm planning on buying each and every one of their albums some time in the future (currently being stuck somewhere where no one sells them, and not having access to my bank account - it's for university - and not being able to persuade my parents to fork out a huge bundle of money for the albums) so it's kind of a moot point.
The only difference is that they'll get my money later... which honestly, might, just might be able to change their financial situation, especially if other fans feel the same way as me.
Might.
Honestly, I don't see how it matters so much. It's only the ones who never ever pay for any music who are annoying as hell. But hey, we all love music, can't fault others for not wanting to spend too much. Key words being "too much". I think that we should buy some stuff.
If only to ease our guilt.
XD
It's a very awesome blog, I have no idea why I didn't find it earlier. Anyway, it's k-pop download links (Sungha Jung's there too) and the links are up really fast - SHINee's Lucifer single only came out yesterday, but it's already online today. Thought I'd share the blog, you know, since it's awesome and all.
UNRELATED:
Anyway, the 'pirated'/'illegal' music online. Frankly, IDGAF. It's not like I don't care about the artists; I care, very much, especially if it's SHINee or UVERworld and stuff. But honestly, I'm planning on buying each and every one of their albums some time in the future (currently being stuck somewhere where no one sells them, and not having access to my bank account - it's for university - and not being able to persuade my parents to fork out a huge bundle of money for the albums) so it's kind of a moot point.
The only difference is that they'll get my money later... which honestly, might, just might be able to change their financial situation, especially if other fans feel the same way as me.
Might.
Honestly, I don't see how it matters so much. It's only the ones who never ever pay for any music who are annoying as hell. But hey, we all love music, can't fault others for not wanting to spend too much. Key words being "too much". I think that we should buy some stuff.
If only to ease our guilt.
XD
12 October 2011
Encouragement that's not really encouragement
I seem to have perfected "veiled insults".
It consist of praising the person, but adding words like "good attempt". This gives the impression that the person tried, but still wasn't good enough (HAH, see that there? See it? See what I did?).
It's the ultimate insult. That person can't exactly return the "favour" without looking completely stupid, and it's a blow to their self-confidence, too.
It just makes them feel like... um...
You took a look, decided that they sucked, but felt that you should at least put a nice little comment to cheer them up. It also makes them feel like you know that they know they're not that good, so you feel the need to cheer them up a little.
The best thing is that it doesn't even sound sarcastic or nasty. It's perfect.
Veiled insults for the win.
Incidentally, if you throw me a veiled insult, I'm just gonna ignore the "veiled" part and the "insult" part. The only part I'll actually pay attention to is the "encouragement" part and "praise" part.
Off to throw around more of 'em veiled insults ~ baiii ~
It consist of praising the person, but adding words like "good attempt". This gives the impression that the person tried, but still wasn't good enough (HAH, see that there? See it? See what I did?).
It's the ultimate insult. That person can't exactly return the "favour" without looking completely stupid, and it's a blow to their self-confidence, too.
It just makes them feel like... um...
You took a look, decided that they sucked, but felt that you should at least put a nice little comment to cheer them up. It also makes them feel like you know that they know they're not that good, so you feel the need to cheer them up a little.
The best thing is that it doesn't even sound sarcastic or nasty. It's perfect.
Veiled insults for the win.
Incidentally, if you throw me a veiled insult, I'm just gonna ignore the "veiled" part and the "insult" part. The only part I'll actually pay attention to is the "encouragement" part and "praise" part.
Off to throw around more of 'em veiled insults ~ baiii ~
9 October 2011
When You're All Depressed
You know what, forget this. Who am I to even talk about this? Oh yes, besides the fact that everyone's depressed in some way. Huh.
If you think you're worthless:
If you think you have no true friends:
If you've been through too much:
If you sometimes suspect that no one likes you:
Do something.
It's not like I'm a happy kid with a charmed life. Last year, around March, I was so depressed that I slept all day and ate and ate and cried all day. Basically, I don't even remember anything from that period of time, because I was just so fucking depressed.
It was school, home, sleep, school. Literally, everything was grey. I mean, as in I don't remember any colours from that time.
And I was crying in my bed every night, for no actual reason.
Hey, I wasn't even thinking straight. Like, if you're hungry, go and eat? At that time, it was, if I'm hungry, then lie there and cry.
I have no idea how I became un-depressed again, but I'm okay now. I learned from that horrible horrible experience that nothing helps when you're depressed. Really, nothing at all. (Except, drink more water. Dehydration is a bitch, especially when you cry all day. I'm honest. Dehydration.)
A shrink? Hello, no kid wants to tell their parents that they need a shrink. Hi mom, hi dad, and by the way I think I need a psychologist 'cause I'm depressed. So yeah. If you can muster up the energy to say that, and then deal with the questions and overwhelming concern later, then ... okay.
So let's assume you have a shrink. How do you feel? How do you think I feel? I want to die but I'm too scared to actually to do it, that's how I feel.
Really helpful. I'm not scorning all the psychologists here, I'm just saying that they rarely work, short-term.
Nothing helps. See, nothing helps because no one fucking understands. Even if they think they understand, they don't, and it's even more frustrating - so frustrating and hopeless that you'd much rather just crawl off somewhere.
But if it's any consolation, it's just about half a year of wallowing in self-pity and feeling like crap every single day. That's what I went through, six months of hell.
Feh.
Anyway, back to the point: do something.
Not exercising, or eating a well-balanced diet like those shitty people keep telling you to do. Because honestly, when you're depressed, it's just impossible to give a shit about what you eat. Also, it's easier to be happy when you're indulging in comfort food.
Do something like, write emotional poetry. If you not into that, then draw emo things. This has two bonuses. I've found that doing those things drain you, emotionally, so you just feel blank and all. Another thing is that hey, something pretty comes out from your depression. That's good, right?
Or just fucking sleep. Lie in your bed and cuddle. Or cry. Whichever. It sounds nice, yes? Comforting, yes? (But sad, because there's no one to hold you - really, I mean it.) Anyway, it feels good.
But don't listen to me, I'm just rambling here. No medical knowledge, besides what my biology lessons forced me to memorize. Life in general is just depressing, you know? Especially when you think about it too much. But the bottom line is that someone cares. Fuck, if it's your online friend whose face you've never seen, it's still a friend who cares.
I'm getting slightly sappy, so I'll stop. Sappiness is not be suiting my current mood, oh no.
If you think you're worthless:
If you think you have no true friends:
If you've been through too much:
If you sometimes suspect that no one likes you:
Do something.
It's not like I'm a happy kid with a charmed life. Last year, around March, I was so depressed that I slept all day and ate and ate and cried all day. Basically, I don't even remember anything from that period of time, because I was just so fucking depressed.
It was school, home, sleep, school. Literally, everything was grey. I mean, as in I don't remember any colours from that time.
And I was crying in my bed every night, for no actual reason.
Hey, I wasn't even thinking straight. Like, if you're hungry, go and eat? At that time, it was, if I'm hungry, then lie there and cry.
I have no idea how I became un-depressed again, but I'm okay now. I learned from that horrible horrible experience that nothing helps when you're depressed. Really, nothing at all. (Except, drink more water. Dehydration is a bitch, especially when you cry all day. I'm honest. Dehydration.)
A shrink? Hello, no kid wants to tell their parents that they need a shrink. Hi mom, hi dad, and by the way I think I need a psychologist 'cause I'm depressed. So yeah. If you can muster up the energy to say that, and then deal with the questions and overwhelming concern later, then ... okay.
So let's assume you have a shrink. How do you feel? How do you think I feel? I want to die but I'm too scared to actually to do it, that's how I feel.
Really helpful. I'm not scorning all the psychologists here, I'm just saying that they rarely work, short-term.
Nothing helps. See, nothing helps because no one fucking understands. Even if they think they understand, they don't, and it's even more frustrating - so frustrating and hopeless that you'd much rather just crawl off somewhere.
But if it's any consolation, it's just about half a year of wallowing in self-pity and feeling like crap every single day. That's what I went through, six months of hell.
Feh.
Anyway, back to the point: do something.
Not exercising, or eating a well-balanced diet like those shitty people keep telling you to do. Because honestly, when you're depressed, it's just impossible to give a shit about what you eat. Also, it's easier to be happy when you're indulging in comfort food.
Do something like, write emotional poetry. If you not into that, then draw emo things. This has two bonuses. I've found that doing those things drain you, emotionally, so you just feel blank and all. Another thing is that hey, something pretty comes out from your depression. That's good, right?
Or just fucking sleep. Lie in your bed and cuddle. Or cry. Whichever. It sounds nice, yes? Comforting, yes? (But sad, because there's no one to hold you - really, I mean it.) Anyway, it feels good.
But don't listen to me, I'm just rambling here. No medical knowledge, besides what my biology lessons forced me to memorize. Life in general is just depressing, you know? Especially when you think about it too much. But the bottom line is that someone cares. Fuck, if it's your online friend whose face you've never seen, it's still a friend who cares.
I'm getting slightly sappy, so I'll stop. Sappiness is not be suiting my current mood, oh no.
7 October 2011
Taemin
I really think he needs more rest, as do the rest of SHINee.
They're looking seriously tired from their Japan promotions, and while I know that it's unfair to insist that they deserve rest, I'm going to say it anyway.
I want SHINee to smile. I want the smiling, happy SHINee back.
I am a selfish bitch, yes.
But I still want SHINee to take a little break or something. I'm dying for new songs, but... yeah, their life is more important.
They're looking seriously tired from their Japan promotions, and while I know that it's unfair to insist that they deserve rest, I'm going to say it anyway.
I want SHINee to smile. I want the smiling, happy SHINee back.
I am a selfish bitch, yes.
But I still want SHINee to take a little break or something. I'm dying for new songs, but... yeah, their life is more important.
Online Anonymity (Jessi)
People keep talking about this. And they keep saying a bunch of stupid stuff and blowing things out of proportion - okay, stop it. Online anonymity will always be there... it might get a whole lot harder as time goes on, but hey, there are always cleverer people than you. (And me.)
Cracked.com shared this link - http://gawker.com/5590166/11+year+old-viral-video-star-placed-under-police-protection-after-death-threats
Um, just read this first: I have neither a university degree nor anything resembling a PhD, nor am I of legal age. And, obviously, I'm not a certified genius, although sometimes I like to pretend that I am.
(I have to spell this out? Okay then: if you take my words as Truth, then you're Fucked.)
The first thing that struck me as being very wrong was that the first thing you see - the video - has her fucking face in it.
The second was that she was crying and talking about people ruining her life, and her father yelling in the background that he has... backtracing?
Sheesh.
Don't kneel on the floor, dude, it hurts your knees. Move the fucking webcam. It's a webcam, right? Move it. No, seriously, your knees will hurt.
And don't show your face. The entire problem was caused by you showing your face (presumably so that all the fuckers online can recognize you and distribute your info around, or be pissed enough to utilize their superior computer skills and track your IP the fuck down) and thus, you should probably know that showing it again will just...
Hey, wait, you're showing your father's face too. How nice, now he can be ridiculed at work.
For telling people to "get off [his] computer" and such. And for teaching his daughter to say things like "fucking haters" and "I don't give a fuck" and " - EWW GOD I CAN'T WATCH THIS ANYMORE.
SHE THINKS EVERYONE HATES HER BECAUSE THEY'RE JEALOUS?
WHAT?
WHAT THE FUCK?
'Cause she's apparently more pretty and has more friends and people who like her and "all that shit"?
EW. Now I see the true problem - an obnoxious 11-year-old appeared! You used FUCK THAT IDIOT. (And forgive me if my Pokemon jokes are very lame. I haven't seen Pokemon for a few years, and I don't exactly have a photographic memory.)
To put it simply, her obnoxious behavior attracted all the peeps to her - to mock and flame and ewwww blurrrrghh arrrghhh the pain, the agony, arrrrghhhh I'm dying. If you can't resist taunting someone in real life (those in real life tend to be just a little less annoying compared to this) then imagine the restraint you'd have to exercise online.
Basically, there are and forever be trolls - IRL and online - and you can only stop them by being less fucking irritating. Or being too self-absorbed to give a damn. Like me. See? (Actually, I have a very tender heart, and I'm easily wounded, so any sarcastic comments will make me cry tears of fluffy sparkly unicorn Edwards. Please don't make poor wittle me cry.)
Oh, I just can't...
Does she know no one who understand how the internet works? Even a rudimentary grasp of the basics - that's all anyone's asking for.
1. Don't fucking post your face up.
2. Don't fucking post your face everywhere.
3. Don't fucking insult people with your face in front of them.
4. Don't fucking insult people in a video with your face in it.
5. Keep your fucking face off the internet. (Except for a few pretty little photos, because everyone needs their ego boost.)
Her parents can be excused. They didn't grow up hearing about how the internet would ruin everything - from face-to-face interaction to your entire fucking life. We did. As in, I did. Because it seems like she skipped right past the lesson about how the internet could literally ruin her entire fucking life, and went straight to "How to Post Videos of Your Face and Insult Everyone With the Power to Ruin Your Life - Literally".
But as I watched the video, I came up with the same question over and over again - how old is she? Apparently she got her lip pierced, she knows about the legendary make-up, she has a boyfriend, she...
Hey, look at me, I'm playing with my lips and patting my fringe and twirling around and contradicting myself.
(Incidentally, I didn't know about make-up until I was twelve, and even then I didn't understand it... I'll never pierce my fucking lip because I'd probably get a fucking infection and go through a lot of pain - like with my pierced ear, which is now not pierced anymore... Boyfriend? I... I... I have my slash, okay. That's enough.)
(I also know that I'm sad and deprived and generally rather ignorant and everything, yes, yes, I know that you think I'm really stupid and everything...)
OH, MAI, GAWWWD. Is this for real?
Does she actually think a "don't fucking troll on me or I'll make you suck on my non-existent dick and get AIDS and die" video will work? Does she even know what trolling means?
Yes. No. Respectively.
BY THE WAY: this is a very belated message to the site that posted the article.
FUCKING PROOFREAD. I can't take you seriously when you make little errors like "4cha.org". No one respects fuckers who can't proofread.
A court order has barred her from using the Internet for at least three days.
Presumably someone actually understood the whole point of this ludicrous affair.
What does her mother think of it?
"I haven't seen it," she says. "I don't even go on the computer."
Fuck, your daughter... she's your freaking little kid daughter... And you just fucking sit there and say, lol no, me no go on internettt. Clever. Real intelligent. And you're perfectly okay with not knowing why this entire shit blew up? Why your entire family was uprooted? You're okay with not knowing stuff? Not knowing vital information?
Great! I applaud you!
And the death threats Jessi's mom told us about? "There have been no death threats or threats of harm in any way" towards Jessi, according to the spokeswoman.
Amazing! Congratulations!
Keep showing your fucking face all over the internet, please! Your fans miss you! Muaks! Come back and visit soon!
P.S. Tumblr fags? I confess, I like that. I'm a Tumblr fag. Now wait while I parade around with all my faggoty faggoryness at Tumblr :P
Internet anonymity forever please, get over yourselves. How else would you get your pr0nz?
Cracked.com shared this link - http://gawker.com/5590166/11+year+old-viral-video-star-placed-under-police-protection-after-death-threats
Um, just read this first: I have neither a university degree nor anything resembling a PhD, nor am I of legal age. And, obviously, I'm not a certified genius, although sometimes I like to pretend that I am.
(I have to spell this out? Okay then: if you take my words as Truth, then you're Fucked.)
The first thing that struck me as being very wrong was that the first thing you see - the video - has her fucking face in it.
The second was that she was crying and talking about people ruining her life, and her father yelling in the background that he has... backtracing?
Sheesh.
Don't kneel on the floor, dude, it hurts your knees. Move the fucking webcam. It's a webcam, right? Move it. No, seriously, your knees will hurt.
And don't show your face. The entire problem was caused by you showing your face (presumably so that all the fuckers online can recognize you and distribute your info around, or be pissed enough to utilize their superior computer skills and track your IP the fuck down) and thus, you should probably know that showing it again will just...
Hey, wait, you're showing your father's face too. How nice, now he can be ridiculed at work.
For telling people to "get off [his] computer" and such. And for teaching his daughter to say things like "fucking haters" and "I don't give a fuck" and " - EWW GOD I CAN'T WATCH THIS ANYMORE.
SHE THINKS EVERYONE HATES HER BECAUSE THEY'RE JEALOUS?
WHAT?
WHAT THE FUCK?
'Cause she's apparently more pretty and has more friends and people who like her and "all that shit"?
EW. Now I see the true problem - an obnoxious 11-year-old appeared! You used FUCK THAT IDIOT. (And forgive me if my Pokemon jokes are very lame. I haven't seen Pokemon for a few years, and I don't exactly have a photographic memory.)
To put it simply, her obnoxious behavior attracted all the peeps to her - to mock and flame and ewwww blurrrrghh arrrghhh the pain, the agony, arrrrghhhh I'm dying. If you can't resist taunting someone in real life (those in real life tend to be just a little less annoying compared to this) then imagine the restraint you'd have to exercise online.
Basically, there are and forever be trolls - IRL and online - and you can only stop them by being less fucking irritating. Or being too self-absorbed to give a damn. Like me. See? (Actually, I have a very tender heart, and I'm easily wounded, so any sarcastic comments will make me cry tears of fluffy sparkly unicorn Edwards. Please don't make poor wittle me cry.)
Oh, I just can't...
Does she know no one who understand how the internet works? Even a rudimentary grasp of the basics - that's all anyone's asking for.
1. Don't fucking post your face up.
2. Don't fucking post your face everywhere.
3. Don't fucking insult people with your face in front of them.
4. Don't fucking insult people in a video with your face in it.
5. Keep your fucking face off the internet. (Except for a few pretty little photos, because everyone needs their ego boost.)
Her parents can be excused. They didn't grow up hearing about how the internet would ruin everything - from face-to-face interaction to your entire fucking life. We did. As in, I did. Because it seems like she skipped right past the lesson about how the internet could literally ruin her entire fucking life, and went straight to "How to Post Videos of Your Face and Insult Everyone With the Power to Ruin Your Life - Literally".
But as I watched the video, I came up with the same question over and over again - how old is she? Apparently she got her lip pierced, she knows about the legendary make-up, she has a boyfriend, she...
Hey, look at me, I'm playing with my lips and patting my fringe and twirling around and contradicting myself.
(Incidentally, I didn't know about make-up until I was twelve, and even then I didn't understand it... I'll never pierce my fucking lip because I'd probably get a fucking infection and go through a lot of pain - like with my pierced ear, which is now not pierced anymore... Boyfriend? I... I... I have my slash, okay. That's enough.)
(I also know that I'm sad and deprived and generally rather ignorant and everything, yes, yes, I know that you think I'm really stupid and everything...)
OH, MAI, GAWWWD. Is this for real?
Does she actually think a "don't fucking troll on me or I'll make you suck on my non-existent dick and get AIDS and die" video will work? Does she even know what trolling means?
Yes. No. Respectively.
BY THE WAY: this is a very belated message to the site that posted the article.
FUCKING PROOFREAD. I can't take you seriously when you make little errors like "4cha.org". No one respects fuckers who can't proofread.
A court order has barred her from using the Internet for at least three days.
Presumably someone actually understood the whole point of this ludicrous affair.
What does her mother think of it?
"I haven't seen it," she says. "I don't even go on the computer."
Fuck, your daughter... she's your freaking little kid daughter... And you just fucking sit there and say, lol no, me no go on internettt. Clever. Real intelligent. And you're perfectly okay with not knowing why this entire shit blew up? Why your entire family was uprooted? You're okay with not knowing stuff? Not knowing vital information?
Great! I applaud you!
And the death threats Jessi's mom told us about? "There have been no death threats or threats of harm in any way" towards Jessi, according to the spokeswoman.
Amazing! Congratulations!
Keep showing your fucking face all over the internet, please! Your fans miss you! Muaks! Come back and visit soon!
P.S. Tumblr fags? I confess, I like that. I'm a Tumblr fag. Now wait while I parade around with all my faggoty faggoryness at Tumblr :P
Internet anonymity forever please, get over yourselves. How else would you get your pr0nz?
5 October 2011
I'd [prose? Is this prose?]
I’d
Write you into my bruised heart,
where I can keep you
and remember all of the pain -
every single piece of hurt,
each droplet of blood…
They looked like flower petals on the ground.
And your feet
would always trample them
crush them
desecrate them
dirty their innocence.
And your pretty pink lips would always tell me
you hate me
you hate me
you hate me
you hate me.
I’d
Write you into my
heart.
Scarred wounded bleeding heart.
So that I can remember
our twisted love story
as I die slowly.
Write you into my bruised heart,
where I can keep you
and remember all of the pain -
every single piece of hurt,
each droplet of blood…
They looked like flower petals on the ground.
And your feet
would always trample them
crush them
desecrate them
dirty their innocence.
And your pretty pink lips would always tell me
you hate me
you hate me
you hate me
you hate me.
I’d
Write you into my
heart.
Scarred wounded bleeding heart.
So that I can remember
our twisted love story
as I die slowly.
1 October 2011
About my Blog Theme
Of course I need an obnoxiously huge picture... thing... to convey my awesomeness. Don't argue. Also, the pictures are nice to look at, so if you complain about it, I'll take it as you do not have a sense of style.
Purple is nice. Purple is nice and ambiguous and nice. Very nice.
The fonts? Yeah, the fonts. It's okay, but kinda hard to read. But the other fonts are just blehh, so I stuck with the current ones. It doesn't do the dot dot dots credit, but it works. I can stand it.
Aaaand... why am I using the totally lame, totally not cool designer instead of choosing from a wide variety of blogskins or just making my own badass theme? Simple.
I'm a lazy fucker.
The blogskins are pretty, but not guaranteed to work, and I don't trust the motherfuckers who might have some virus attached to the pretteh pretteh skin. Some themes are not fucking compatible with whatever version of blogger.
Next: I hate html. I will never make my own theme, ever, because I hate html and I never want to trawl through that disgusting shit again. I'm well aware that that's what makes everything functional, but I don't want to see the < > tags and the a href=shit and ugh.
(Backstory: My school forced every one of us to learn html. I learned it... and then retaliated by not handing up a single piece of html homework. I got a F in computer, but heyyy, that's badass.)
The html thing also explains why I refuse to use blogskins. I have to go through html to change a single fucking thing. I could always just ctrl+f but that's kind of useless when you have so many fucking identical tags.
The only way that would work is if you copied the text you want to replace and then ctrl+f that... also not very useful when you're facing a hundred million 'example's and 'this is a blogskin's.
There you go. Hate the theme?
... Um, no, I won't change it, but at least now you know why I refuse to change it.
Ha.
In your fucking face.
/EDIT:/ The fucking annoying music? I get it, okay, sometimes I find it irritating too. But it sounds nice... sometimes, so it's staying.
Purple is nice. Purple is nice and ambiguous and nice. Very nice.
The fonts? Yeah, the fonts. It's okay, but kinda hard to read. But the other fonts are just blehh, so I stuck with the current ones. It doesn't do the dot dot dots credit, but it works. I can stand it.
Aaaand... why am I using the totally lame, totally not cool designer instead of choosing from a wide variety of blogskins or just making my own badass theme? Simple.
I'm a lazy fucker.
The blogskins are pretty, but not guaranteed to work, and I don't trust the motherfuckers who might have some virus attached to the pretteh pretteh skin. Some themes are not fucking compatible with whatever version of blogger.
Next: I hate html. I will never make my own theme, ever, because I hate html and I never want to trawl through that disgusting shit again. I'm well aware that that's what makes everything functional, but I don't want to see the < > tags and the a href=shit and ugh.
(Backstory: My school forced every one of us to learn html. I learned it... and then retaliated by not handing up a single piece of html homework. I got a F in computer, but heyyy, that's badass.)
The html thing also explains why I refuse to use blogskins. I have to go through html to change a single fucking thing. I could always just ctrl+f but that's kind of useless when you have so many fucking identical tags.
The only way that would work is if you copied the text you want to replace and then ctrl+f that... also not very useful when you're facing a hundred million 'example's and 'this is a blogskin's.
There you go. Hate the theme?
... Um, no, I won't change it, but at least now you know why I refuse to change it.
Ha.
In your fucking face.
/EDIT:/ The fucking annoying music? I get it, okay, sometimes I find it irritating too. But it sounds nice... sometimes, so it's staying.
My Departure from Innocence, and Generally Very Funny Things Because I am a Funny Person
I was always a late bloomer, you see. I didn't discover music until I was twelve. I didn't know what the fuck was this 'youtube' until I was twelve. I didn't even understand how gay sex worked until I turned twelve.
Basically, my life started when I turned twelve and lost whatever innocence I might have once had.
It wasn't exactly a good thing.
Now I'm a little addicted to telling everyone around me that they're absolutely wrong, and then, armed with my completely inappropriate-for-my-age-group knowledge of things that occur at night and/or behind locked doors and/or on beds, inform them pompously that I'm correct, and then elaborate - too much - on why I'm correct.
...It's a really bad habit.
Ever heard of this meme on the internet, where it goes something like, I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking?
Fuck yes, it applies to me. To others too, obviously, like, obviously, but no one seems ready to believe that a little girl could be as mean as... as... well, me. I always make snide remarks about how everything isn't as awesome as it could be if only they went according to my weird little rules and everything. About how they're not up to par, how they all suck...
I like elaboration, perhaps a bit too much - hell yes I like it a lot too much - so with every little comment that I make, I elaborate. Like... oh great, now that I need to be sarcastic and mean, I have nothing to make fun of. Just great.
Anyway, the December of the year I turned twelve, I caught up with ... with ... the world in general. I became a zombie who was hooked onto the internet. I needed my internet-hours, goddammit, and I will have it. Somehow.
Contrary to popular belief, my exposure to the sparkly-rainbows-and-unicorns-internet-shit-everything didn't come with horrified gasps or scandalized expressions... no, nothing like that. It was pretty anti-climatic.
I found anime then, you see, D.Gray-Man, to be exact, and that led me to BL, then yaoi, and then the rest of the horny and sexually frustrated internet.
My first ship was Kanda/Allen - Yullen. Then Laven.
And then, very very quickly, my mind was thrown from its clean little apartment into the gutter - where it's residing happily now, thank you very much.
(Those yaoi pictures were welcomed with an ooohhh, and a right click and a save image as.)
Because you can't really share the same world as delusional fangirls without corrupting yourself. Oh and by the way, if you're still innocent, I suspect that this post has just eaten away a tiny bit more of that precious innocence oh god what am I doing? It's fun to corrupt people and all, but but but yeah, I'm too self-centred to do that LOL.
LOL.
So, a summary: life before twelve was a sunny little meadow with ponies.
Cue December that year: pony sex.
I think that gives an accurate analogy of how far I fell in one short month. (Also, I learned that there is porn everywhere. Everyeveryeveryeverywhere. EVERY FUCKING WHERE. I'm not even shocked by it now. Like, oh, pr0n. Okay.)
I've come to realize now that the internet is really just a bunch (albeit a really goddamn fucking huge bunch) of deprived people who find amusement in fucking with other people. I like that.
No, I really like that. There's something very satisfying about watching someone getting verbally abused over the internet, or getting trolled on by someone, or being flamed by someone... endless possibilities, people, endless.
Too many clever people, too many stupid people, too many very bored people. Add technology, you have the internet.
Oh, the thing about 'being from the internet'? Very... general term, but I believe I've figured out some rules about that.
1. If you're from the internet, you're from the internet.
2. Anyone who is not from the internet is not worthy. The end.
3. Having a computer and a browser and internet access does not equal 'from the internet'.
4. If you try too hard to be 'from the internet', you will fail. Very painfully.
5. There are qualifications. You will be informed of them via criticism about how you're not qualified.
6. If you are in possession of a 'conscience', you most certainly are not from the internet.
7. You are not from the internet.
Basically, my life started when I turned twelve and lost whatever innocence I might have once had.
It wasn't exactly a good thing.
Now I'm a little addicted to telling everyone around me that they're absolutely wrong, and then, armed with my completely inappropriate-for-my-age-group knowledge of things that occur at night and/or behind locked doors and/or on beds, inform them pompously that I'm correct, and then elaborate - too much - on why I'm correct.
...It's a really bad habit.
Ever heard of this meme on the internet, where it goes something like, I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking?
Fuck yes, it applies to me. To others too, obviously, like, obviously, but no one seems ready to believe that a little girl could be as mean as... as... well, me. I always make snide remarks about how everything isn't as awesome as it could be if only they went according to my weird little rules and everything. About how they're not up to par, how they all suck...
I like elaboration, perhaps a bit too much - hell yes I like it a lot too much - so with every little comment that I make, I elaborate. Like... oh great, now that I need to be sarcastic and mean, I have nothing to make fun of. Just great.
Anyway, the December of the year I turned twelve, I caught up with ... with ... the world in general. I became a zombie who was hooked onto the internet. I needed my internet-hours, goddammit, and I will have it. Somehow.
Contrary to popular belief, my exposure to the sparkly-rainbows-and-unicorns-internet-shit-everything didn't come with horrified gasps or scandalized expressions... no, nothing like that. It was pretty anti-climatic.
I found anime then, you see, D.Gray-Man, to be exact, and that led me to BL, then yaoi, and then the rest of the horny and sexually frustrated internet.
My first ship was Kanda/Allen - Yullen. Then Laven.
And then, very very quickly, my mind was thrown from its clean little apartment into the gutter - where it's residing happily now, thank you very much.
(Those yaoi pictures were welcomed with an ooohhh, and a right click and a save image as.)
Because you can't really share the same world as delusional fangirls without corrupting yourself. Oh and by the way, if you're still innocent, I suspect that this post has just eaten away a tiny bit more of that precious innocence oh god what am I doing? It's fun to corrupt people and all, but but but yeah, I'm too self-centred to do that LOL.
LOL.
So, a summary: life before twelve was a sunny little meadow with ponies.
Cue December that year: pony sex.
I think that gives an accurate analogy of how far I fell in one short month. (Also, I learned that there is porn everywhere. Everyeveryeveryeverywhere. EVERY FUCKING WHERE. I'm not even shocked by it now. Like, oh, pr0n. Okay.)
I've come to realize now that the internet is really just a bunch (albeit a really goddamn fucking huge bunch) of deprived people who find amusement in fucking with other people. I like that.
No, I really like that. There's something very satisfying about watching someone getting verbally abused over the internet, or getting trolled on by someone, or being flamed by someone... endless possibilities, people, endless.
Too many clever people, too many stupid people, too many very bored people. Add technology, you have the internet.
Oh, the thing about 'being from the internet'? Very... general term, but I believe I've figured out some rules about that.
1. If you're from the internet, you're from the internet.
2. Anyone who is not from the internet is not worthy. The end.
3. Having a computer and a browser and internet access does not equal 'from the internet'.
4. If you try too hard to be 'from the internet', you will fail. Very painfully.
5. There are qualifications. You will be informed of them via criticism about how you're not qualified.
6. If you are in possession of a 'conscience', you most certainly are not from the internet.
7. You are not from the internet.
28 September 2011
No Sounds from Chrome
I have this problem where the videos don't have sound - as in, the videos play, but there's no sound coming from it. I checked the little thing on the bottom right of the screen (I know nothing about computers, nothing nothing nothing) for the speakers, and it says that there are systems sounds and speaker sounds, but the chrome registers no sound at all. (Ah, something called advanced volume thingy - the mixer, I think)
And then google told me that shift+esc and then selecting flash in the task manager, ending it, then refreshing the page works.
Apparently it's the flash plugin.
I don't give a fuck, but I'm just happy that I haz sound again.
And then google told me that shift+esc and then selecting flash in the task manager, ending it, then refreshing the page works.
Apparently it's the flash plugin.
I don't give a fuck, but I'm just happy that I haz sound again.
27 September 2011
marasy8
*Cue 'my body is ready' gif*
No, honestly, he's like the most sensitive piano player I've ever come across... anywhere. Because I don't really listen to Mozart and Beethoven (technically, I did, but that was when I was still a fetus and inside my mother's, uhh... just gonna stop here).
Anyway, there is real feeling in his covers. You know, feeling. Like, feelings.
Ugh, I give up. It's just so beautiful, so fascinating, so, uh, magical and pretty and...
My love for long, slender fingers is acting up again. As is my love for dedicated, talented musicians. I fucking love music, you know. I love it.
Matryoshka
Fire Flower
Bad Apple
Just be Friends
No, honestly, he's like the most sensitive piano player I've ever come across... anywhere. Because I don't really listen to Mozart and Beethoven (technically, I did, but that was when I was still a fetus and inside my mother's, uhh... just gonna stop here).
Anyway, there is real feeling in his covers. You know, feeling. Like, feelings.
Ugh, I give up. It's just so beautiful, so fascinating, so, uh, magical and pretty and...
My love for long, slender fingers is acting up again. As is my love for dedicated, talented musicians. I fucking love music, you know. I love it.
Matryoshka
Fire Flower
Bad Apple
Just be Friends
Cleverbot Likes Len (no pants ver)
I was talking to cleverbot:
| Pants? |
| Yeah, someone took Len's pants. |
| Really? |
| Yup, so now he has no underwear on. |
| Awesome. |
Kyary Pamyu Pamyu - PONPONPON cover by Mai
I have a question. Is that a girl, or a guy? Because he/she's really young, and I suck at identifying genders nowadays (no, don't drag LGTBQ in, it's complicated enough without that) and babies are hard to classify.
And kids all sound so high and everything...
And idk about Japanese names, so Mai is just...
I'll assume it's a girl.
And her cover is cute, if a little breathless.
That's all, actually. Kyary madness continues to spread.
AWESOMENESS
I absolutely adore all the Len and Rin songs about solving mysteries and death and everything. It's just so... dark, you know? I like stuff that are of dubious subjects. People with dubious morals. Everything. Dark is smexy and good, or at least in my little fantasy world, hehe.
/shot/
Anyway, the next video's about this awesome phone cover of Gumi's Coward Mont Blanc. Yeah, phone cover, as in the person presses the keys and the sounds that the keys make are in the tune of the song. Confusing? Muchly so.
But holy fuck it's amazing.
Also, the video below will become my new ringtone.
And then there's this remix of Kyary's PONPONPON:
HAAARRRRDCORREEEE.
Aaaannd, Len is fucking hot.
25 September 2011
Blood Type O always wins the argument
@BloodTypesBloodTypes
Type A plan their arguments in advance, Type B argue loudly, Type AB argue calmly with logic, Type O win the argument. #BloodTypes
via Echofon
Not the first time that I've seen tweets about how blood type O wins the argument - EVERY TIME. ALWAYS. FOREVER.
VY1 VY2 sobs sobs such awesome vocaloids
I was listening happily then smiling and oh my fuck it took a darker turn. By the time the song got to the tenth year, I knew that...
Okay, it's a spoiler, so watched the video before reading.
... the girl was dead from the beginning.
Ugh. I wanted to cry. In fact, I had tears in my eyes starting from the tenth year. Yeah I tend to figure out things early like that and then turn into a pile of salt water and pity - read: tears.
That aside, I can't believe that VY2 is a vocaloid. He sound so natural. I thought that it was a nico singer with too much autotune or something, until google saw fit to inform me that he was a Vocaloid Yamaha 2 with no avatar, which was why he's kinda obscure.
Also the fact that he was only released 2011 april...
Returning to youtube to fangirl now. I don't use my nico account unless I have to, because it loads slightly slower and I have no fucking idea what all the text there says. Really, it's amazing that I managed to figure out how to sign up. (Google translate failed me - fucking server errors)
I'll wait a year for more awesome VY2 songs to pop up.
12 September 2011
Haze from Indonesia
/EDIT:/ this was written a long time ago.
I don't even know what to say. The haze is affecting me, it's affecting everyone. Megan woke up and got a very bad sore throat. I feel irritable and thirsty all the time, and my brother does too. My head hurts vaguely. I'm pissed for no particular reason.
Why? Because the goddamn clear sky is now filled with haze. There's no wind, the air is thick and there's no satisfaction in breathing in. Nothing looks nice anymore, they're all foggy and unclear... if you get me, but whatever.
Goddamn. Of all times, they have to burn those stuff during my end of year exams? the exams that make up forty percent of my entire year's grades? Do you know how much that fucking haze affects us all? Inability to concentrate, annoyed at the slightest things...
It's not just this year, it's been going on for many years. I seem to remember one year, the haze was so bad that schools were closed.
This is so serious.
Your country's smoke is being blown to other countries - hello? Do something about it! It's not unreasonable at all, because we're not asking you to do it all in one day, we've been asking you to improve the situation for years.
Nothing.
I understand it's a fucking huge country and everything, but this is on an international scale. Do you feel no pressure? No shame? If your smoke is staying within your country, then your citizens can write to you. If your smoke is blown over to us, we can write letters to our governments.
BUT.
Our governments can't just send those letters over to you and tell you to improve. That is not diplomacy. That is too blunt and honest to be considered polite.
That's right. We're all too embarrassed to tell you straight out that your stupid smoke is pissing us all off, so all we can do is to sit here uncomfortably and suffer through your fucking smoke.
Your haze not only has short-term effects, it also has long-term ones. Hello? Seriously! Apart from affecting our moods, the fucking haze also affects our physical health. Lung disease! Throat and eyes irritation! Asthma, for fuck's sake.
And if you think I'm only talking about those around me, think of your own fucking country! You want to improve your standards? Then fucking stop the smoke from giving all your poor citizens asthma and such! It's already severe over here, so far away from the real actual site where the burning occurs. What about your own people? They're suffering through haze that's so many times worse than ours!
What the fuck are you doing? Ugh.
You irritate me! DO SOMETHING. Nobody fucking wants the fucking haze.
How about the environmental impacts? Huh? Global warming, enhanced greenhouse warming! Bitch, what the fuck? There's no reason not to fucking stop that shit with the burning right now!
Either they're too lazy to use the proper method to get rid of the crops, or they don't give a fuck about the consequences, or they're fucking uneducated! Lazy and don't give a fuck? Throw them in jail for a while. Fine them. See if they give a fuck then. Uneducated? Pamphlets! What else would they be used for? Government people can go and talk to them!
Oh god, this is pissing me off.
And if it's on too large a scale, then deal with it bit by bit! Ensure that this little village has a few police officers so that they won't burn crops, then move on to the next!
Corruption? Bribes? You must at least have one person that has a high position that's morally upright! Surely that's not too much to ask of a country of that size? That one morally upright person has to be busy, then, and not sitting on his or her ass!
Scare them! No one wants to be jailed or fined, so use that threat to stop them! And if it doesn't work? Then make it a reality, not just a flimsy threat! Jails need to be used!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The excessive use of exclamation marks are NOT ENOUGH TO EXPRESS MY FRUSTRATION.
The haze is SO FUCKING IRRITATING OHMYFUCK.
I've been dealing with it for so many years, I DON'T WANT TO JUST 'DEAL' ANYMORE.
We're all suffering. From those in Indonesia to those in Singapore to those in Thailand! THINK ABOUT IT and then DO SOMETHING.
There is something wrong with this picture, OBVIOUSLY because nothing much has changed from what we see. Clearing land via burning is ALREADY ILLEGAL. If your country needs help, THROW AWAY YOUR FUCKING PRIDE. Use your brain and think about how your stupid pride is causing people to suffer.
If you want help, ASK FOR IT, don't wait for it to be delivered. Nothing wrong with that, except your hurt pride. And if they don't deliver the help they promised, then harass them a little. Delicately. Something. Mention it in a closed meeting or something.
GODDAMN, THIS HAZE IS PISSING ME OFF SO BADLY.
I KNOW you're already doing something but it clearly ISN'T ENOUGH AT ALL.
/EDIT:/ You know what, I was high when I did this post, so just fucking disregard every fucking thing here.
edit 15/09/13: whatever, the haze is back. suddenly i feel a lot more sympathy for the me that wrote this post. anyway, here are some pictures for comparison, just so you know how bad the haze is (besides using the psi)
I don't even know what to say. The haze is affecting me, it's affecting everyone. Megan woke up and got a very bad sore throat. I feel irritable and thirsty all the time, and my brother does too. My head hurts vaguely. I'm pissed for no particular reason.
Why? Because the goddamn clear sky is now filled with haze. There's no wind, the air is thick and there's no satisfaction in breathing in. Nothing looks nice anymore, they're all foggy and unclear... if you get me, but whatever.
Goddamn. Of all times, they have to burn those stuff during my end of year exams? the exams that make up forty percent of my entire year's grades? Do you know how much that fucking haze affects us all? Inability to concentrate, annoyed at the slightest things...
It's not just this year, it's been going on for many years. I seem to remember one year, the haze was so bad that schools were closed.
This is so serious.
Your country's smoke is being blown to other countries - hello? Do something about it! It's not unreasonable at all, because we're not asking you to do it all in one day, we've been asking you to improve the situation for years.
Nothing.
I understand it's a fucking huge country and everything, but this is on an international scale. Do you feel no pressure? No shame? If your smoke is staying within your country, then your citizens can write to you. If your smoke is blown over to us, we can write letters to our governments.
BUT.
Our governments can't just send those letters over to you and tell you to improve. That is not diplomacy. That is too blunt and honest to be considered polite.
That's right. We're all too embarrassed to tell you straight out that your stupid smoke is pissing us all off, so all we can do is to sit here uncomfortably and suffer through your fucking smoke.
Your haze not only has short-term effects, it also has long-term ones. Hello? Seriously! Apart from affecting our moods, the fucking haze also affects our physical health. Lung disease! Throat and eyes irritation! Asthma, for fuck's sake.
And if you think I'm only talking about those around me, think of your own fucking country! You want to improve your standards? Then fucking stop the smoke from giving all your poor citizens asthma and such! It's already severe over here, so far away from the real actual site where the burning occurs. What about your own people? They're suffering through haze that's so many times worse than ours!
What the fuck are you doing? Ugh.
You irritate me! DO SOMETHING. Nobody fucking wants the fucking haze.
How about the environmental impacts? Huh? Global warming, enhanced greenhouse warming! Bitch, what the fuck? There's no reason not to fucking stop that shit with the burning right now!
Either they're too lazy to use the proper method to get rid of the crops, or they don't give a fuck about the consequences, or they're fucking uneducated! Lazy and don't give a fuck? Throw them in jail for a while. Fine them. See if they give a fuck then. Uneducated? Pamphlets! What else would they be used for? Government people can go and talk to them!
Oh god, this is pissing me off.
And if it's on too large a scale, then deal with it bit by bit! Ensure that this little village has a few police officers so that they won't burn crops, then move on to the next!
Corruption? Bribes? You must at least have one person that has a high position that's morally upright! Surely that's not too much to ask of a country of that size? That one morally upright person has to be busy, then, and not sitting on his or her ass!
Scare them! No one wants to be jailed or fined, so use that threat to stop them! And if it doesn't work? Then make it a reality, not just a flimsy threat! Jails need to be used!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The excessive use of exclamation marks are NOT ENOUGH TO EXPRESS MY FRUSTRATION.
The haze is SO FUCKING IRRITATING OHMYFUCK.
I've been dealing with it for so many years, I DON'T WANT TO JUST 'DEAL' ANYMORE.
We're all suffering. From those in Indonesia to those in Singapore to those in Thailand! THINK ABOUT IT and then DO SOMETHING.
There is something wrong with this picture, OBVIOUSLY because nothing much has changed from what we see. Clearing land via burning is ALREADY ILLEGAL. If your country needs help, THROW AWAY YOUR FUCKING PRIDE. Use your brain and think about how your stupid pride is causing people to suffer.
If you want help, ASK FOR IT, don't wait for it to be delivered. Nothing wrong with that, except your hurt pride. And if they don't deliver the help they promised, then harass them a little. Delicately. Something. Mention it in a closed meeting or something.
GODDAMN, THIS HAZE IS PISSING ME OFF SO BADLY.
I KNOW you're already doing something but it clearly ISN'T ENOUGH AT ALL.
/EDIT:/ You know what, I was high when I did this post, so just fucking disregard every fucking thing here.
edit 15/09/13: whatever, the haze is back. suddenly i feel a lot more sympathy for the me that wrote this post. anyway, here are some pictures for comparison, just so you know how bad the haze is (besides using the psi)
11 September 2011
Life as a Student
I'm talking about the depressing feeling you get when you wake up each day and drag yourself - literally - out of bed, aching and half-asleep.
The crushing feeling when you realize that there's no actual point.
The tiredness that makes you want to just lie down and stop everything.
The kind of feeling where you just stop caring.
Those days when you're too down to be angry.
Those times when it seems like too much of an effort to smile.
Those moments when you feel so heavy, you just want to collapse and damn it all.
When you remember being carefree, and the comparison seems too much.
When you're just too drained.
Just too blank.
And you start tearing up for no reason at all.
But then you don't cry, because it's too much of a bother to wipe those tears later, and walk around with a runny nose.
So you keep everything in, and wonder at the same time why you're so goddamn emotionless sometimes.
It's not an exaggeration, or over-dramatization. This is what students go through every day, almost, when they become conscious enough of their surrounding to start thinking of things other than oh look, my friend, let's go over and play. This is what happens when childhood leaves, and really, it's plain depressing.
Also, when you start thinking about going through your entire goddamn life with this kind of feelings, you go bit numb. A bit sick of it. Like, I already feel so terrible right now, and you're telling me I have to go through more of this shit? Cue incredulous expression. Cue exasperated tone.
I have no idea why we all feel this way. Maybe it's confining us to classrooms and restricting our creativity and controlling our freedom. Designated venues, timetables, everything. Doesn't it make you feel sick of it all?
/EDIT:/ TBH philosophy makes you a little crazy - I recommend that you stop thinking about this.
The crushing feeling when you realize that there's no actual point.
The tiredness that makes you want to just lie down and stop everything.
The kind of feeling where you just stop caring.
Those days when you're too down to be angry.
Those times when it seems like too much of an effort to smile.
Those moments when you feel so heavy, you just want to collapse and damn it all.
When you remember being carefree, and the comparison seems too much.
When you're just too drained.
Just too blank.
And you start tearing up for no reason at all.
But then you don't cry, because it's too much of a bother to wipe those tears later, and walk around with a runny nose.
So you keep everything in, and wonder at the same time why you're so goddamn emotionless sometimes.
It's not an exaggeration, or over-dramatization. This is what students go through every day, almost, when they become conscious enough of their surrounding to start thinking of things other than oh look, my friend, let's go over and play. This is what happens when childhood leaves, and really, it's plain depressing.
Also, when you start thinking about going through your entire goddamn life with this kind of feelings, you go bit numb. A bit sick of it. Like, I already feel so terrible right now, and you're telling me I have to go through more of this shit? Cue incredulous expression. Cue exasperated tone.
I have no idea why we all feel this way. Maybe it's confining us to classrooms and restricting our creativity and controlling our freedom. Designated venues, timetables, everything. Doesn't it make you feel sick of it all?
/EDIT:/ TBH philosophy makes you a little crazy - I recommend that you stop thinking about this.
Avril Lavigne - Wish You Were Here/Smile
Oh my god, I never thought that a MV featuring a artist who has mascara streak down her cheeks would be worth watching. Avril's a goddamn great artist. Not in terms of experience, because anyone can again that, but ... I don't know, she can make people cry.
Seriously, watching someone turning into a complete wreck is totally awkward. Avril makes it okay.
/shot/
...She's so beautiful too...
..She's just awesome...
You know me, when my friends start crying, I'll be standing there awkwardly, staring at them, but Avril's raw emotion makes me want to cry too. In the way that normal people do when their friends start crying... ugh, I don't know what I'm doing...
She's the type of singer that can affect people. Her voice is so open, like it's singing from all the way inside her (pardon the horrible description, I'm sleepy).
...I'll go to sleep now...
Set flowers on fire... must... set flowers on fire...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)