When You're All Depressed

You know what, forget this. Who am I to even talk about this? Oh yes, besides the fact that everyone's depressed in some way. Huh.

If you think you're worthless:

If you think you have no true friends:

If you've been through too much:

If you sometimes suspect that no one likes you:

Do something.

It's not like I'm a happy kid with a charmed life. Last year, around March, I was so depressed that I slept all day and ate and ate and cried all day. Basically, I don't even remember anything from that period of time, because I was just so fucking depressed.

It was school, home, sleep, school. Literally, everything was grey. I mean, as in I don't remember any colours from that time.

And I was crying in my bed every night, for no actual reason.

Hey, I wasn't even thinking straight. Like, if you're hungry, go and eat? At that time, it was, if I'm hungry, then lie there and cry.

I have no idea how I became un-depressed again, but I'm okay now. I learned from that horrible horrible experience that nothing helps when you're depressed. Really, nothing at all. (Except, drink more water. Dehydration is a bitch, especially when you cry all day. I'm honest. Dehydration.)

A shrink? Hello, no kid wants to tell their parents that they need a shrink. Hi mom, hi dad, and by the way I think I need a psychologist 'cause I'm depressed. So yeah. If you can muster up the energy to say that, and then deal with the questions and overwhelming concern later, then ... okay.

So let's assume you have a shrink. How do you feel? How do you think I feel? I want to die but I'm too scared to actually to do it, that's how I feel.

Really helpful. I'm not scorning all the psychologists here, I'm just saying that they rarely work, short-term.

Nothing helps. See, nothing helps because no one fucking understands. Even if they think they understand, they don't, and it's even more frustrating - so frustrating and hopeless that you'd much rather just crawl off somewhere.

But if it's any consolation, it's just about half a year of wallowing in self-pity and feeling like crap every single day. That's what I went through, six months of hell.

Feh.

Anyway, back to the point: do something.

Not exercising, or eating a well-balanced diet like those shitty people keep telling you to do. Because honestly, when you're depressed, it's just impossible to give a shit about what you eat. Also, it's easier to be happy when you're indulging in comfort food.

Do something like, write emotional poetry. If you not into that, then draw emo things. This has two bonuses. I've found that doing those things drain you, emotionally, so you just feel blank and all. Another thing is that hey, something pretty comes out from your depression. That's good, right?

Or just fucking sleep. Lie in your bed and cuddle. Or cry. Whichever. It sounds nice, yes? Comforting, yes? (But sad, because there's no one to hold you - really, I mean it.) Anyway, it feels good.

But don't listen to me, I'm just rambling here. No medical knowledge, besides what my biology lessons forced me to memorize. Life in general is just depressing, you know? Especially when you think about it too much. But the bottom line is that someone cares. Fuck, if it's your online friend whose face you've never seen, it's still a friend who cares.

I'm getting slightly sappy, so I'll stop. Sappiness is not be suiting my current mood, oh no.