Just realised that there are many touchy and sincere people in the world. What do I mean? I mean that they're the ones who are deeply touched by things - whether inspirational or depressing, whatever. They're the ones who get hit hard by life, and they're the ones who choose to take it hard.
Let's do a comparison. I used to have a friend who cried when people gossiped about her or snubbed her or stereotyped her. She used to cry to me. Normal people would want to comfort her. Frankly, I tolerated her because I was bored and I kind of really wanted to know how it felt like to feel something as deeply as her.
Actually, that was a bad comparison. I'm not sure if that's a comparison at all. Anyway, what I mean is that things usually slide off me. Example: the rumours in primary about who liked who and who didn't like who. (Or whom. I am confused about 'who' and 'whom'.)
Throughout those six years, there was one single rumour about me. And that lasted all of one day. I had friends who were continually bothered by the rumours (which may or may not have been true, but I observed them and came to the conclusion that it was most likely at least partially true).
I've also had friends who were ostensibly not invited to class parties/gatherings. for some perceived... something, I guess. Mostly because they always took things personally and made a fuss about things. I was criticized about certain things too, but I tended to go 'huh yes, I suppose you're right'. I've never cried on someone. Unlike certain people.
That is not because I am, what. more emotionally mature? No, it's because I simply don't care. Which is why I'm continually baffled by the people who... write long, emotional blog posts about how the supposed 'top school' thing is horrible, how stereotypes hurt, how they're struggling to maintain stuff...
I understand - I mean, asian schools are killer. I'm not even talking about the extreme things in China or Japan or whatever. Even moderate schools have expectations, and those expectations suck.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't get why people are so bothered by things. We're all dying anyway. It's just a matter of sooner or later. So we should, ideally, do whatever makes us happy in the time between birth and death. Uh, ideally.
So there's me, and I have my friends, and I like my friends, so I spend time with them. Logical steps. But there are people who veer away from enjoyable things and force themselves to study/stress themselves out. Back to point though: touchy and sincere people. Who are most often the ones becoming the stressed-out half-dead students.
This entire thing revolves around me not understanding why they feel the way they do. I, uh, empathise? I know why, on an intellectual level, I guess, but I've never felt the way they do, and to be honest it's kind of horribly fascinating to see them break down. Like watching a scientific experiment.
I feel a little detached from things, not sure if that's good or bad, or mature or juvenile, but that's the way things go. I just feel very frustrated when people start angsting instead of finding viable solutions. I mean, moderate angsting is acceptable. I used to sit in my room at night with the lights off and cry for no particular reason, but hey, life.
... I am a very cynical person...?
I have a voice in my head that tells me I'm being pathetic in a dry, sarcastic tone while I cry. In fact, that voice is there all the time, even when I get angry. That voice is irritating. That voice makes me clean up my room and look for viable solutions to my problems, or at least ways of minimising the damage. Or ways of hiding the problem.
I am at a loss as to why certain people seem to be missing that voice.
... This is not a healthy attitude towards life, is it? None of that eternal improvement shit, I want to be happy and then I want to die. Unless I happen to get some badass vampire powers, in which case I would probably wreck havoc on earth before killing myself off when it gets too boring.
... Does that count as being suicidal.
My thoughts are all over the place. Does this have a point? If this has a point, then did I actually address the point? I have a feeling that the point doesn't exist and that I'm having anxiety problems due to unfinished homework. Did I just hallucinate this problem?
Let's do a comparison. I used to have a friend who cried when people gossiped about her or snubbed her or stereotyped her. She used to cry to me. Normal people would want to comfort her. Frankly, I tolerated her because I was bored and I kind of really wanted to know how it felt like to feel something as deeply as her.
Actually, that was a bad comparison. I'm not sure if that's a comparison at all. Anyway, what I mean is that things usually slide off me. Example: the rumours in primary about who liked who and who didn't like who. (Or whom. I am confused about 'who' and 'whom'.)
Throughout those six years, there was one single rumour about me. And that lasted all of one day. I had friends who were continually bothered by the rumours (which may or may not have been true, but I observed them and came to the conclusion that it was most likely at least partially true).
I've also had friends who were ostensibly not invited to class parties/gatherings. for some perceived... something, I guess. Mostly because they always took things personally and made a fuss about things. I was criticized about certain things too, but I tended to go 'huh yes, I suppose you're right'. I've never cried on someone. Unlike certain people.
That is not because I am, what. more emotionally mature? No, it's because I simply don't care. Which is why I'm continually baffled by the people who... write long, emotional blog posts about how the supposed 'top school' thing is horrible, how stereotypes hurt, how they're struggling to maintain stuff...
I understand - I mean, asian schools are killer. I'm not even talking about the extreme things in China or Japan or whatever. Even moderate schools have expectations, and those expectations suck.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't get why people are so bothered by things. We're all dying anyway. It's just a matter of sooner or later. So we should, ideally, do whatever makes us happy in the time between birth and death. Uh, ideally.
So there's me, and I have my friends, and I like my friends, so I spend time with them. Logical steps. But there are people who veer away from enjoyable things and force themselves to study/stress themselves out. Back to point though: touchy and sincere people. Who are most often the ones becoming the stressed-out half-dead students.
This entire thing revolves around me not understanding why they feel the way they do. I, uh, empathise? I know why, on an intellectual level, I guess, but I've never felt the way they do, and to be honest it's kind of horribly fascinating to see them break down. Like watching a scientific experiment.
I feel a little detached from things, not sure if that's good or bad, or mature or juvenile, but that's the way things go. I just feel very frustrated when people start angsting instead of finding viable solutions. I mean, moderate angsting is acceptable. I used to sit in my room at night with the lights off and cry for no particular reason, but hey, life.
... I am a very cynical person...?
I have a voice in my head that tells me I'm being pathetic in a dry, sarcastic tone while I cry. In fact, that voice is there all the time, even when I get angry. That voice is irritating. That voice makes me clean up my room and look for viable solutions to my problems, or at least ways of minimising the damage. Or ways of hiding the problem.
I am at a loss as to why certain people seem to be missing that voice.
... This is not a healthy attitude towards life, is it? None of that eternal improvement shit, I want to be happy and then I want to die. Unless I happen to get some badass vampire powers, in which case I would probably wreck havoc on earth before killing myself off when it gets too boring.
... Does that count as being suicidal.
My thoughts are all over the place. Does this have a point? If this has a point, then did I actually address the point? I have a feeling that the point doesn't exist and that I'm having anxiety problems due to unfinished homework. Did I just hallucinate this problem?
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