fuck morality!

I've never been a particularly cheerful person. I mean, yes, I laugh and joke around, but it's more of a death-is-inevitable attitude, so we should just do whatever the fuck we want.

I think I can actually pinpoint exactly when this attitude came about. I think it was January, after I graduated from primary school and went on to secondary. It was a huge shift, and I couldn't cope, so I kind of retreated back into myself. The first six months of that year spawned a lot of angsty fanfiction.

Also a lot of actual thinking. I used to be scared of the dark, since it was, obviously, dark, and could hide anything it wanted. I didn't like things I don't know. I still don't, but I've accepted it.

The change actually came about because of horror movies. It used to be that I would be slightly traumatised for a few days after watching a horror movie, but one day I began thinking of scenarios whereby the movie was true and I was going to get killed.

Then I abruptly realised that if I was going to be killed, I wouldn't be able to fight back. If I can't fight back (and seriously, in which scenario would I ever be able to fend off supernatural things?), then fighting back would be futile and painless, to say the least. So I shouldn't fight back. So I should just submit and cause myself the least possible amount of pain.

(I was already an atheist, and had the belief that if one died then one ceased to exist in any way - no afterlife, hooray.)

That kind of started the downward spiral into nihilism. Which isn't cheerful in the least.

Other than that, I also started reading depressing tear-jerk stories, and engaged in activities such as listening to quietly depressing songs. Also I started getting used to gore and horror, to the point where all I felt was a slight sympathetic pain.

And I've never liked the sun. The rain is so much more inspiring. Particularly when dark clouds obscure all daylight. Wonderful.

Of course, I became a lot more sarcastic, making remarks relating to death with a smile. It's surprisingly therapeutic. Smiling is actually quite a natural expression to me, and the unnatural combination of dark humour and smiles... Very interesting.

I find myself wanting to write more and more fics whereby the characters stop caring. His mother's murdered? Okay. Someone's tortured in front of him? Fine.

Also I've started thinking about being born and not having a choice about it. Why the hell is suicide illegal?

So we're born and become conscious of being alive and then we realised that we'd much rather not be alive but we don't really want  to commit suicide because it's hard and it hurts and kind of illegal as well as fear of the unknown but life is also fucking depressing so what do you do?

I don't think I can sincerely congratulate people who are pregnant. Gift of life and all that, but if Adam and Eve didn't exist then they wouldn't have eaten the stupid apples and gotten cast out. If it doesn't exist then nothing can be done to it.

... Weddings are also depressing for the same reason. You really need a stupid certificate? Legal benefits etc and all that, but lack of trust much? If there was actual love then the certificate would be secondary. You wouldn't be so happy that the marriage's 'finalised', you'd be happy that you have your significant partner. So you wouldn't be the happiest at the wedding, you'd be the happiest when you realised the 'true love' that is between the two of you. Also you wouldn't need the ceremony. Or the wedding itself. Why call it a wedding? There isn't even


I should not be allowed to attend weddings.

But weddings are sometimes sadistically fun to attend 


I don't even believe in true love.

Oh, on the matter of suicide being illegal in order to deter people from committing suicide because 'the family'!... Are you more concerned about the actual suicidal person getting relief, or the family being depressed? If they can't handle the loss they could always take a flying leap off a tall building.

"How does suicide help those who are left behind to grieve?"

There is a fundamental issue with the way people think about suicide. Suicide isn't meant to help the family, it's meant to help the suicidal person, who doesn't want to deal with shit. Also the way that the question is phrased seems to imply that the suicidal person is at fault for allowing his poor family to suffer. Right. Sure, blame a suffering person for wanting to be rid of that suffering.

Why not blame the reason that caused the person to become suicidal? And the family be damned, the suicidal person wouldn't be suicidal if he thought that he had any other choice at all. Also chances are that the suicidal person couldn't care less about the family, because it takes a certain amount of selfishness and bravery to commit suicide successfully. Who the fuck cares about the family, we're talking about the suicidal person here.


This is a sad post. I am going to write more fanfiction in which the protagonist stops giving any fucks. What the fuck is morality? It's all about what you want. You want to be a good person, so you help others. You get satisfaction out of helping others, and you like the feeling of satisfaction, so you continue helping others. The motivation for anything is always your own desires. Seriously, why are so many people ignorant of this? Fuck morality!

/EDIT/: A pointless depressing post here.

/EDIT/: /EDIT/: All that shit about suicide being a permanent solution to a temporary problem is irrelevant. A successful suicide eliminates all future problems in addition to the current problem. Life is a problem. 

Also murder is completely different from suicide. Committing suicide isn't murdering yourself. If someone can randomly decide to make a life, then why can't that life randomly decide to end itself? I do not understand.