ONE OK ROCK

so i went for one ok rock on 22 nov 2013 with mike and tamara

wow

i went to queue with mike in the morning but found a whole bunch of people already there. like they queued overnight wow dedication. mike and i arrived at ten in the morning fyi the concert starts at 7pm.

it was very hot and humid and boring. tamara came after a while.

the people who queued overnight were like those hardcore fanclub people i think and they passed down stuff for us to write on. they gave it to one ok rock afterwards.

i know i said we didn't arrive THAT early but we were still REALLY early. There was no way there was enough space in the notebook for everyone to write on, but the fact that when the notebook was passed down to us over half of it was still blank says a lot about how early we were.

i bought a one ok rock tour shirt (WILL UPLOAD LATER) and so now im broke so broke ouch

i changed into the shirt for the concert

anyway we ended up bringing too much stuff and there were no lockers so we kinda just abandoned our bags somewhere in the concert area. yes staff-san we're sorry.

we were in the really front area but not front enough to touch taka. much sad

concert was really good. people were pushing around and some people were angry but i was just like meh taka's singing i don't really care you can push me all you want im already in the front i can only get more front. but at one point i was literally slanted and stuck between two people i couldn't have fallen even if i had wanted to. i was literally suspended in the crowd

some person fainted and more than two or three people were handed to the guards over the barrier (i saw three but there were probably more) and the guards i guess were handing cups of water into the crowd in case more people were gonna faint

mike had a little panic attack thing and went to the medic's area pretty early on

i was jumping and screaming and waving my hand pretty much the whole time. cause i was short, so all i was breathing in was sweat and humidity. i rested my arm on some dude for a little while and didn't realise, but he didn't complain or say anything so it was pretty rad.

tamara said someone complained about her hair going in their faces so she tied it up haha. also she said a guy rested his arm on her head. are we all so short

my ears were kinda shot after the first song or so. the crowd was super enthusiastic and loud woww. afterwards i complained about people who screamed so loud that your ears did the thing, and tamara was like THAT'S YOU HELEN

much sweating ensued.

the band was so cute too wow toru and tomoya and ryota wow im blush

ryota had his shirt off by the second song or something. i don't even think i saw his shirt at all. toru was all cool during the whole thing and tomoya was banging at the drums like woaahh so cute so enthusiastic such good music mmmm

at one point taka kind of climbed the barrier and people screamed and surged towards him and started trying to touch him and stuff and he was a little bit woah. you could see it on his face. then security kicked in and taka was able to climb over the barrier and sing in relative peace loll.

during the encore you could hear his smile omfg. and during one line he had a cute little involuntary smile on his face omfg i wanted to die right there my life was fufilled.

the concert was beautiful and afterwards everyone was kinda dazed and shit.

one ok rock said that they'd definitely come back next year. we will see

front of shirt

back of shirt

sometimes

sometimes i just hate myself

hate everything

it's not depression

i just hate everything

i hate existing

why must i exist?

what do these experiences mean?

after sadness and happiness

what is there

except death?

i hate everything

i hate that this world exists

i hate that i am sentient

i hate that i hate things at all

i hate myself

i hate everything

is this pathetic?

am i pathetic?

is anyone laughing at my immaturity?

because that would be better than life passing by

i want to die

and i hate myself for it

sometimes i just stop caring

but i still hate myself

and there isn't even a reason

it's all a mess

and i just want it to stop

i don't know what i want
and i hate it

and then i make myself stop 

and i go on with life

i continue to die

im so angry at humans

i think a lot of people are disgusting, like not physically disgusting like gross, but mentally disgusting, like a bigot or a douche or someone who insists on doing things that you have repeatedly told them you hate just because. like. dear fucking god.

is it that fucking hard not to generalise

or to look at what you yourself are doing before scolding someone else, like don't fucking be a hypocrite. it's fucking disgusting. don't scold other people all sincerely angrily and then turn around and do the same thing yourself obliviously. like fuck, dear god, jesus fucking christ, that is the epitome of stupidity.

is it that hard to expect the same things from one child as you do another

is it that much to ask for

i am so fucking angry i hate a lot of people

do you even know how stupid it looks when you are racist to your own ethnicity?? you're like "omg it's the fucking chinese again they're terrible uncouth people" but hello???? NEWSFLASH??? YOU ARE FUCKING CHINESE?????????????????????

is it also that fucking hard to be calm and think rationally

like

fuck

so what if people eat cats and dogs, they're animals. same as cows, but you eat cows just fine. maybe it doesn't suit your palate, or maybe you find it unthinkable, but hello??? rationality please. it's not like they're humans. maybe someone else keeps cows as pets and we're the ones committing an atrocity.

is it that fucking hard to stop condemning people for things you don't half understand?????

is it that hard to be polite is it that hard to not intentionally offend people is it that hard to remember something i've been fucking telling you for seventeen years

i am angry with everyone i come into contact with sometimes

sometimes i am so sick of everyone i see

a lot of times i am sick of myself too but if i dwell on anything i'd become depressed again and not want to live and then like ?????? but how am i supposed to die

so i just rant a bit and try not to think of anything or feel anything because wow basically the only viable thing is to be shallow and mildly happy and that's how you stop wanting to die every single second.

ok i am super angry im going to find something to eat

AFA2013

(all pictures untouched lol bc i am a lazy bastard)
(photodump on  facebook lol)

This year I went to AFA with only Mike, because Tamara-tan had to work and Phoebe has to fly off to Myanmar, sighs.

this is a baka mike elise

We went on Friday, and saw Kaname and Miume and 217 and VIV.

Basically Kaname looked into my camera and was going to high-five me later but I was too awkward and pulled away and now I hate myself.

here is a kaname

here is another kaname

here is a smiley-ish kaname

And Miume is so fucking sexy live. And Miume made cute faces at me and I know she was directing it at me because I was literally the only one standing in that direction (ok im gomen im a sad fangirl).

look at them they are so cute

omg miume omg ahhhhh

Everyone was like "sashin ii desu ka?" and Nina was just like "ii yo ii yo" everywhere. She is crazy cute okay and was there just to have fun bc you could see it. We ran into them afterwards again and we waved and they waved back and smiled wow I am starstruck I am dead from fangirlism.

(No one realised they were Miume and 217 lol except for us. Like we literally walked into them.)

anyway this is viv and they make good music

Anyway the Starchild booth was having this "buy something from the Starchild booth and get a picture with Kaname and his signature on something" and Mike was all "prostitution". Like I'm serious she wouldn't stop hissing it in my ear every time we brought it up or walked past the Starchild booth.

Mike got a selfie with Kaname tho. And she had him sign her ticket.

so this is the ticket

On Sunday we bought the stage access and sat in front of the stage all day. You can have some Asia Regional Cosplay Championship pictures. Which I took secretly. Because they did't let anyone take photos. I am sad. I think because the glowing phone screens ruin things. But I used my DSLR and was very discreet and no one found out even though I sat at the second row.

wow dramatic

wow pretty dramatic (lol)

Anyway so afterwards there was some Starchild thing again and Kaname came out dressed as this character in Hoozuki no Reitetsu and was incredibly cutely in character the whole time. He was like "I want to bring you to hell with me" and stuffs and all the fangirls were like YESSSSSSS.

he frowned the whole day it must've been hard

oKAY so after that we had to clear off because they were getting the hall ready for Valvrave night and shit and Mike was super sad because she couldn't go and see TM Revolution her precious Onii-sama.

So we went out to take pictures of cosplayers but it was kinda late so the lighting was pretty shit and everything. I'm sad and gomen.

mike was v surprised to find out that this was an actual guy

yes very cute pair

very sexy yes i like

mmmmm but overexposed i think, i am sad

my hero

kami-sama i will never forget this

there were cute kids cosplaying too

i told you she was a kid

here's a baby mikasa i got her all to myself for a little while

Anyway AFA2013 was fun and stuffs. Here you may have a photo of my ticket.

ok bye

P.S. I have my tired selfies on instagram

P.P.S. I bought things of course but am too lazy to take pictures

P.P.P.S. My friend gave me a file that Kaname signed I am so happy thank you friend

also mike has lots of selfies that we took together but she hasn't given them to me i am sad

can't wait for the final exam to be over

Final exam for the entire year is in two days. I fucking hate studying. I may or may not be slightly depressed, but fuck if I'm ever letting myself become actually depressed ever again.