ah, killing your own arguments, i see

I call myself a liberal, a democrat, a left-winger and so on, mainly because I agree with many of their policies. Humanism, secularism, basically science, progress, being a decent human being, or at least helping the world while you help yourself.

Now, the point is, if left-wingers cease to support abortion, or example, and started campaigning for abortion to be made illegal, I would no longer align myself with them. It's very simple, I support the side that has the same views that I do.

But that's actually not the only reason. A very small part of it is the fact that democrats have good PR. Take Obama, who's photogenic, likable, etc. He's basically the poster boy - even if he has no idea how to rule a country, or how to make policies, he'd still get quite far in the elections, just because he's well-spoken and looks good.

Because the party is likable, that's why you're able to accept them and align yourself with them. Because they don't turn you off immediately, that's why the potential for you to like them exists. 

Now, on to the conservatives, who seem to be killing themselves off. I don't hate them just because I'm liberal and they're conservative, in fact I think there's good bits in conservatism too. However...

Conservatives seem to be mainly Christian, and they promote religion. This basically puts off people of other religions (aka non-Christians) and reduces their support. This is a very stupid thing for a political party to do, especially since America's very diverse, and we're all getting less religious these days. In other words, this is suicide.

Also, conservatives seem intent on embarrassing themselves, for example Ann Coulter, who apparently walked out on Star Trek, saying that there are too many minorities. This racism is putting off everyone who isn't pro-white, i.e. a whole lot of America. Again, it's a diverse country, and were only going to get more diverse, so this is also akin to suicide.

Conservatism seems to be dying, not because it isn't keeping up with the culture these days, but because it can't keep up with modern culture. Let me explain.

Here we have conservatism,

Web definitions

a political or theological orientation advocating the preservation of the best in society and opposing radical changes.
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

which preserves good things and opposes radical change. But to be honest, there aren't many good things in history. Are we to preserve slavery? Or racism? Or misogyny? Good things that are worth preserving, like art and architecture, are already being preserved, by both liberals and conservatives.

To sum it up, we are effectively outpacing conservatism. Society as a whole is changing. Ann Coulter's racism, which might have accepted in the past, is definitely not accepted now. Their image right now is a bunch ofold white men, opposing equality. It doesn't matter if that's an accurate image, the reality is that a lot of people think they're outdated.

Basically, anything that conservatives do right now are mildly embarrassing. Announcing your racism? Refusing to accept other religions or lack of religion? Secondhand embarrassment.

It's actually not their fault, because that's what their party stands for. Preserving the best in society and opposing radical changes. Doing what they're doing is being a good conservative. We should actually applaud them for staying so true to their values, and this isn't sarcasm. 

But reality doesn't stay stagnant. The changes have rendered conservative values outdated. That's why their public image is so bad right now, compared to liberals. To dumb it down to an extreme, conservatism is out, liberalism is in.

The only way for conservatism to gain back their former popularity, followers, and supporters is to change their core values. They have to understand that racism, misogyny, and so on, are not things worth preserving. They have to promote equality along with liberals, while still preserving worthy parts of history. They have to change their job from opposing all changes, to opposing radical changes. 

These days I see conservatism dying a slow, painful death, and that's actually quite a shame, because it will leave the American political scene very unbalanced. The future generation of voters overwhelmingly side with democrats/liberals, which will probably give them an unfair advantage. We can't ever allow a single party to dictate everything, we need a balance of voices.

But when those voices kill their own potential by failing to communicate with the people, those voices lose their effectiveness and power. Conservatism is killing itself right now, and it needs to stop that. 

Just as slavery was killed eventually, the GOP will be killed eventually. The difference is that slavery was built on oppression, while the right-wing was built on preservation and caution. That's what they need to do, instead of embarrassing themselves with stupid little incidents that make them look like outdated fools. Caution instead of outright refusal. 

Bottom line is that the GOP can't win by appealing to their usual demographic anymore. They'll soon be phased out like old iPhone models if they continue like this, and that's actually pretty bad for everyone, not just theGOP. They need to change.

origami umbrella

just look at it awwwww

(i may be a little high on sugar but)

I say callous things but i don't mean it callously

Sometimes I say a lot of things that may seem callous and thoughtless and insensitive, but it actually isn't, it's just that I didn't give any elaboration, being as lazy as I am. And today I'll elaborate on defeatists, and why I think they're actually lowest of the low and are idiots. 

Also it frustrates me that "sensitive" topics are monitored and censored, because who made it sensitive in the first place?? Yes those who felt that they were being attacked... Who made religion a "sensitive" topic? Religious people.

Sometimes I cannot fathom why humans don't say "look, you said this, and it hurt my feelings because reasons a b and c, I would like you to understand this and refrain from doing that again, thank you". That would solve everything I think. Or mostly everything. 

You could reply with "yes I did this, and I understand where you're coming from, but because of reasons a b and c, I think I am right to persist with this behaviour, etc". That would solve another bunch of problems, yes?

I cannot fathom why humans can't stand having their belief system examined closely... If your belief system is found to be flawed, then you should get rid of it immediately, reevaluate your life and ideals, and so on... Definitely not stick to your broken beliefs and yell that everyone's bullying you.

I don't understand, why it's so hard for humans to look at things critically, detachedly.

If a cup is broken, it's broken. Yelling that it isn't won't change anything. But throwing it away, glueing it back together, or buying a new cup, those are all things that are possible, plausible, and I completely encourage them. 

What's happened to humanity? I see people saying that "it's broken. It's broken! That's it, it's broken!" Yes, but what are you going to do? Sit in your chair and stagnate? Yell about your broken cup forever?

You say that the government is flawed, wrong, detrimental. So what are you going to do? Revolutionise the country and get people killed? Infiltrate the system and change it to your liking? Use the government's limits and manipulate it to suit your desires? 

It's all possible. Don't be a defeatist. You have arms and legs - if you're hungry, make yourself some food, or gnaw on your companion, or trick someone into feeding you. Sitting there and starving is the epitome of stupidity. 

You say that struggling is futile, but you haven't even tried. More than that, you've never even considered it. Struggling is a completely viable option, yet you choose to sit and stagnate. Struggling is action, sitting is inaction. I understand that inaction is so much easier than action.

But are you willing to stagnate your entire life? Are you willing to live a life that you're not remotely satisfied with, a life that turns your stomach, a life that you'd rather not live? 

Even tiny actions help. Sweep away a broken cup - at least there aren't any more glass shards to slice up your feet. Say a nice word to someone - let them do your work for you. There is always a goal in mind, even if it's getting a bar of chocolate. And there are always options available.

Sometimes you don't feel strongly enough about something to do anything, even though you're not satisfied with the current situation. It's okay. Do things that matter to you. Do things that you feel something for. 

Take steps towards achieving that bar of chocolate. 

Because sitting there and moaning about not having chocolate is despicable, if you're not planning to ever get that chocolate. But sitting there and moaning about chocolate is acceptable, if you have plans to get that chocolate, be it an hour later or ten years later.

Don't be a defeatist. Anything is better than defeatism. Nihilism is better. Fascism is better. To be a defeatist is to give up life. To be a defeatist is to think "oh, I can't stop her from pushing me onto the train tracks, so I won't even try", and you'll die mashed into bits, with nothing notable achieved, and you won't even have a paltry bar of chocolate. 

(To add on, suicide isn't defeatist. You're taking steps to achieve something with a vague end goal in mind. If you accomplish your goal successfully, then it's commendable, whether it's right or wrong. You can't deny that you've done something that you wanted to do. Whether that's a correct thing to do is entirely separate from the fact that you've done it.)

if suicide was easy i'd be dead

you don't understand sometimes i just want to curl up somewhere and cry while bashing my head against a pipe because so many centuries and people are still this stupid so how many more years do we need????? like infinity. how are you supposed to live in a world where your questions aren't even processed and they spit out the same brainwashed crap every single time?? 

this is not directed at anyone i am talking about the whole of humanity and how depressingly idiotic it all is.

oh, yahoo

YES, you promise not to screw it up, but you can't even get your tone right. Yahoo, you need to understand, the demographic that you're after is one that doesn't respond to any kind of patronising, adult-to-kid tone. And this is what you come up with?

"We promise not to screw it up." Do you understand what this sounds like? Someone awkwardly trying to get used to new lingo. Dammit, it's just so uncomfortable. It's like wearing brand new shoes.

If you'd stuck to your polite, formal, adult-like (and honestly more sincere than this) tone, I'd be more placated. By attempting a half-arsed "cool" post, all you're showing us is that the reason why you lack young users in the first place is because of your crushing inability to be on the same wavelength.

First of all, suddenly buying tumblr for a billion bucks is definitely not the way to gain more young users. You know what tumblr users are saying? Yes, the very users that you hope will make you money. They're blaming you. They're saying that yahoo sucks, David Karp sold them off, tumblr is ruined.

Yeah, the reactions are naive and stupid, but they're still reactions. 

Remember why you're getting tumblr in the first place, yahoo? Because you're outdated and lack young users. What did you hope to gain by turning young users against you?

(... Add large dose of disappointment with today's society.)

You may think that every acquisition is met by such backlash, but tumblr is different. Tumblr is obsessive, offbeat, a little extreme sometimes and a little too laid-back sometimes. Dear god, tumblr calls David Karp "daddy". If you don't think there's something wrong with this website, you'd be wrong.

Sure, there's a whole bunch of users you can profit from, yahoo, and those are the "cool", "stylish" people of the era that you can show to sponsors and investors. But you forget that the other half of tumblr is frankly quite embarrassing (this includes me), and has no interest whatsoever in being profited from, unless they like the company that's making money off them.

People say a large part of tumblr's culture is made up of self-awareness, and all this self-awareness makes tumblr unique, as well as very allergic to bullshit. This means that tumblr backlash is not normal backlash, tumblr backlash extends rather far. 

There will be yahoo jokes. People will blame yahoo. Users who were merely apathetic will turn against yahoo, even if it's only in minor ways. There will be tags and entire blogs dedicated to making fun of yahoo, and trust me, no one wants to be made fun of by tumblr. It can get vicious, while appearing funny on the surface.

Dear yahoo, this is all wrong. I think we all understand your desire to get more young users, and we all support that to an extent. It's only to be expected, after all, to court a demographic that you lack. 

But you're going about this the wrong way. 

You shouldn't have bought tumblr this suddenly, nor this completely. From a separate entity, tumblr has become a subdivision of yahoo, and all this elicits is a wave of animosity. Tumblr's users are young, and young users are proud. Pander to their pride! Treat them as equals! Have some sort of partnership instead of complete ownership, even if it's a complete sham! 

Yahoo, you're just not on the same wavelength.

Your designs, your tone of voice, none of it fits with tumblr's users. The problem is that none of your sincerity gets across to the users, that that problem will ultimately drive off any young users. Youths value sincerity. If you hate them, say it to their face. Their disagreement will be quieter, more peaceful, and they will be more accepting, even if they still hate you.

Mistakes upon mistakes, yahoo. Try revamping your homepage before touching tumblr. In response to "what do you think of yahoo?" there is only "I use google", "yahoo's ugly!", and "yahoo's such a mess, they screwed up my email".

Cool acquisitions won't make you cool. Yahoo, you can be cool without tumblr, and this acquisition is actually quite a mistake. You think that one billion dollars will buy you a demographic, but this particular demographic is especially flighty and unstable. This demographic will flee from you like the previous generation of young users fled from MySpace, if you mess things up.

And unlike myspace, nostalgia won't come soon enough to save you. 

Myspace no longer gets the same amount of derision it did a few years back. A cooling-off period, a complete revamp, and a change of tone - the staff understood the general opinion, and no longer tried to market myspace as cool. Instead, they admitted that myspace has lost the "cool factor", and simply said "here's the new myspace, give it a try, we put in lots of effort".

Yahoo, don't patronise. Don't presume. Don't make any more mistakes.

I hope you find success with tumblr, but you've already ruined a large part of it. Just by attaching the yahoo name to tumblr, you've taken away tumblr's individuality. The general sentiment is that tumblr's gone corporate, it's been sanitised. Even if that's not the case, that's what most people think.

And what people think is important, yahoo. Don't forget that.

Also PSA do something about your messy homepage. And don't fuck up tumblr.

To clear this up: I am definitely staying because I am addicted to tumblr like you get addicted to mornings in bed. "This acquisition sounds more like a merger" yes then just call it a merger, back to my previous point. Karp you'd better make tumblr good, or everyone will be very disappointed. Also maybe tumblr just doesn't like Mayer, I mean tumblr loves pretty boys. I am actually very sad but not angry enough to give up four years of tumblring. 

Dammit yahoo I'm just not happy. Because tumblr is yahoo's now, it doesn't feel like tumblr any more even though nothing's actually changed.

bad things that happened today

And

the war is over

A piece about war. Does not necessarily convey my feelings about war. With quotes from Un-go. 

--

Emerging from the safe house into the quiet devastation, they breathe in regret. We should have sucked the marrow from its bones. We should have wrapped our legs around it and rode it until we collapsed. We have made war into a joke. You, me, all of us. 

This is what we have made.

--

The vividly burning orange sunset is a reminder of all that is wrong with the world. The sky looks as if it has been set on fire and left to spread, waving fumes of purple making their way across the horizon and reaching into the lungs of the citizens now standing dazedly in the aftermath. 

The war is over. 

The war is over?

The war that has taken over their lives for twelve years is over. They are at a loss. Breathing in the sulphuric air, they try to be cheerful. They try to be happy. They tell themselves that life can go on normally now, but then they set eyes upon the ruined concrete. Life can proceed, but where is life?

The older ones pause, blinking, taking in the damage done to their land. It is not their land any more. It is foreign, it is alien. It is blood and it is death. Their outstretched hands quiver. In the span of a single war, their skin has turned papery and white, wrinkles marking themselves on unfamiliar territory. A single war and they have missed their prime. 

The younger ones touch the ash on the floor. It is a thick carpet of bone and meat, vapourised, blown up, left to rot. The ash is grey and pungent and sticks to their sickly pale skin. They haven't seen the sun for years. It wasn't safe. There still isn't any sun. The ash has blocked it out. The broken remains of people they used to know scream in their lungs. 

They hardly know what it's like to be alive. They feel the ground, pull at the walls, but it is all the same. Dead. Gone. Ghosts of life. The war has stolen their words. The young survivors are not survivors. They are mourners. In the span of a single war, they have learned death. There is no future. They see with blind eyes.

There are those who have grown up with the war. They shield their eyes, unaccustomed even to the weak, filtered rays of true light. This is the outside? they ask. It's so big. It's so strange. Mum, did people go outside all the time back then? What was it like?

They are the only ones who are yet still alive. Their souls only semi-torn. Born to the copper red that seeps through their thrice-bolted iron door, they know nothing but war. Their parents cover their eyes and shut their ears, no no no no no, darling, it's nothing, shush. Go to bed now.

Nearby, a child not yet five nudges half a skull with his foot. The orange sky flares again above him. 

The war is over. 

--

The war is over?

--

These people have forgotten how to live. These people have never known how to live in the first place. They stumble over ashy corpses, fumble their way to the edge, and stare at yet more corpses. 

Come on, a mother says, tugging at her child's shirt. Let's go back. There's nothing left here. Her words echo in the silence. Everyone is silent. Their eyes are silent. Her child follows her back into the safe house that they have lived in for the past four years. That is their home now. The safe house is home. Twenty inches of hardened steel for windows. 

Everyone watches them go. They do not come out again.

--

Who says the war is over? There is no over. There is no simple end to eternal torment. They say heaven is a place on earth, but hell is a place on earth too. Their heaven is the safe, familiar constraint of metal. Green grass turns to grey, blue burns into purple, and the great expanse of empty space is their hell. 

You can't bring an end to a war this huge. It entwines itself into your soul, freezes itself into place along your veins, and never goes away. Their life is war. All they have known is war. War has replaced softer emotions of love. 

War. That is their reality. 

The war is over?

The war continues in their minds.

They stand in the toxic light, taking faltering steps towards one direction and then moving backwards again. This is not their world any more. Everything is wrong. They don't know what to do. They take one step forward and five steps back. 

The sky consumes itself in fire. 

One step forward five steps back.

The war is over?

It must be a lie. It is always a lie. You can't trust anyone. The government has sold us out. We should go back. It must be a lie. It's not safe.

The war is over?

Mummy? Don't cry. Let's go back. If you're scared outside then let's go back.

The war is over?

--

Little boxes sitting in the snow. 

Those aren't boxes. It's steel alloy, diamond steel. It's a safe house.

Hey Steve, come over here, there are still some of those old relics lying around after all. Maybe we can sell it, this stuff is expensive. Steve, there's a ton of it just sitting here! Shit, we just won the fucking lottery!

Loud banging. A small but powerful motor starts humming. The metal melts under its knife.

Pause. Silence. He picked up the lump of metal. 

In the darkness, he sees nothing but bones.

esama's fics

**********02/02/15: actually, esama is back. she's at esama.tumblr.com and she has an ao3 too. she's been back for quite a while but i forgot to update this. not all of her old fics are up though


So if you want them I have some here in pdf format.

Fandoms are:

• Harry Potter 
• BBC Sherlock 
• Death Note 
• Hikaru no Go 
• and crossovers between those

Includes nice text file with list of fics and which fandoms they belong to.

what a trivial yet important assumption

edit: sad angry frustrated post. what is life. i am ill and i have tests so this post might not make sense?? i mean i think it makes a lot of sense but there are always people one level higher than me so.

Somehow I grew up with the idea that everyone makes decisions just like I do, with balanced consideration. That's not to say that I only review pros and cons. There's a study that shows people with some mental damage? brain damage? I forget. Anyway, they list pros and cons all day but can't make a decision.

When I make a decision, it's something along the lines of what makes me happy. For example, choosing appointment dates. First I check if I'm busy on any dates, or if I have other things to do, or a test the next day, etc. And once I've narrowed it down to maybe two dates, I'll pick the one that I'm inclined towards at that moment. That's how I make decisions. 

(Or maybe something like "hmm do I want to go for classes or skip them for a health checkup hmm".)

Any and all decisions I make are decisions that I think will minimise negative impacts to myself. As in physical harm, psychological trauma, damage of image or reputation, so on and so forth. That's natural, isn't it? Not taking that into consideration is stupid. That constitutes a bad decision.

Yes but as I've said, the assumption that everyone makes decisions like that is very wrong. I noticed recently that I've been getting extremely frustrated with everyone around me, and that's because they do stupid things. Like saying "no" just because. Like sticking with habits and not considering the benefits of changing. 

When you make a choice to say either "yes" or "no", you should probably consider the question as something that you might either agree or disagree with. You should take a quick moment with picture the events following "yes" and the events following "no". It's very fast. A few seconds maybe. 

And when you neglect to consider both scenarios, you're just stupid. 

Let me explain. 

Everything I do involves a healthy or unhealthy amount of self-analysis. Why do I use this particular pen? Because I'm used to it, it writes well, it's available everywhere, I haven't found another pen that I like more, and so on. 

A deeper self-analysis would be my reaction to prejudice. A woman is raped. The man says she was asking for it. My response is instant dislike. The man is guilty of assault and misogyny. Guilty guilty guilty. Sentence him and put that criminal away. Then I would ask myself whether my verdict is a balanced verdict. Have I been affected by social justice posts? Have I been influenced to the point where I automatically think of rapists as guilty without any other consideration? 

I treat all possibilities as a viable answer and eliminate them slowly. I then reach a conclusion about the man, my behaviour, and myself. Sometimes I make a mental note to look at things from more angles. Sometimes I forcibly adjust my attitude to things so that I won't make poor decisions like lashing out.

I am of the opinion that if you don't do this, then any conclusion you reach will be more shallow than if you were to analyse your reasons behind your conclusion as well as how valid those reasons are. Self-analysis grounds you in reality, when you look at yourself from a detached and unemotional and unbiased point of view. 

Think about raving mad people. For example, people who commit violence without any particular reason. People who get angry and then start hitting their wives. Even if they understand their motivations (after they cool down, I guess), they probably wouldn't ask themselves where the motivation came from, why the motivation took that particular form, and so on. They wouldn't turn inwards and judge themselves coldly. 

Few people do, I realise. Mostly because they just can't bear to criticise themselves that harshly. You know your own vulnerabilities the best, after all, and when you criticise yourself it hurts the most. 

Back to the point that neglecting to actually consider both options (actually treating both as viable, instead of just a fleeting thought) is stupid. 

By missing out on that consideration, you miss out on a whole big chunk of self-understanding and self-growth. Would you play a game without understanding the rules? The game is life, and the rules exist in yourself and humanity. The stakes are high. Can you afford not to look within and find the rules?

Because those motivations and the reasons behind them are pretty much universal. It's hard to admit, but even with different consciousnesses, humans are repetitive and boring. Swap one bully for another, and the one being bullied will still consider suicide. Those deep, hidden reasons are why we think stealing is bad, hurting other people is bad, but helping someone is good.

Some would call it morals, but I call it the inevitable product of society. A certain kind of society produces a certain kind of people. You always have rebels, the outliers of statistics, but the large majority mimic each other. 

People raised in Chinese-speaking environments speak Chinese. People raised in English-speaking environments speak English. Unless it's proven to be a hereditary trait, I tend to attribute it to "nurture" in the "nature versus nurture" debate. 

(Unless you take a street kid and raise him in a good family, but impress upon him every day that he was once a street kid. Psychological things. He thinks of himself as a lesser being and follows that stereotype, consciously or not.)

Anyway, back to the good decisions assumption. There are tons of people who actually make decisions that are very bad for themselves. I'm not talking about taking drugs because you honestly care about nothing more than your current happiness, I'm talking about taking drugs because everyone else is doing so and you take it for some stupid "fitting in" reason without considering the very serious consequences of drugs!!! 

Politicians who beg a demographic to vote for them via ineffective and offputting techniques because they fail to understand how their potential voters think!! A parent making threats that the child knows that they can't fulfill because he fails to see that it is utterly ineffective and is in fact lowering the child's respect for him!!!

Why do they make those stupid decisions? Why do they actively ruin their own potential? (Again, people who actively recognise that they are harming themselves but continue doing so because they don't care about it/ultimately wants to die/part of a bigger plot are excluded, because they understand the full implications/consequences/results and so on.)

Answer: it's a vicious cycle. They don't make proper decisions. They miss out on self-understanding, and universal understanding of human nature. They go on to make more bad decisions.

The realisation that not everyone makes sense was quite shocking to me. The depth of the blatant and unchallenged idiocy going on around the world made me sick. (Okay, I took a moment to take a deep breath and to tell myself to "check my privilege".)

This widespread unchallenged idiocy is fostering and reinforcing the widespread unchallenged idiocy. The next generation learns from the current and the world never really progresses. That's why it took so long to abolish slavery. That's why there are still people today who think blacks are inferior. That's why there are stupid people who think gay marriage is evil.

The whole point of the post is this: I had a shocking realisation that a lot of people are stupid (not in terms of IQ, in terms of good decisions and logical ability etc). So I made a post about what I think isn't stupidity, and how to achieve the status of Not An Idiot. 

And if you agree with my point that this whole mess is caused by a lack of thinking and understanding, I hope that you will try your best to mimic my logic/develop better ways of not being obtuse/make you and your life suck less. 

???

?????????????????

angry confused helen is trying to sort out her life or at least just her filing system

angry confused helen is not dead and is also not quitting the internet NOPE, INTERNET=GOD

itunes is a little shit and i polished off an entire course of psycho pass in three nights the sibyl system is a fucking little shit too and kogami is a little bitch with a vendetta godammit kogami couldn't you have just fucking listened to tsunemori oh my fucking god

fucking arse i probably failed all my tests

fucking arse i hate everything