back to school problems

1. Too tired to move

When I get home I barely have enough energy to pull out my iPad and stare into the internet for a couple of hours. Staring into the internet doesn't take any energy. It's about the easier thing to do, ever. A while later I regain enough life to crawl to the bathroom and take a shower. That's it. That's about it. It feels like there are weights tied to every part of my body. I'm not kidding, I rarely even get off the floor.

2. Muscle ache

So after two months of inactivity I go back to school. And back to Phys Ed class. That's a formula for aching muscles all over your body. There's no alternative - this is what I get every year. Right now I can barely walk. Again, not kidding. My calves burn something horrible. Climb stairs? How about no. Too bad I have to climb two floors up to my classroom. And then two floors down for food. And then two floors up to the classroom again. Even rolling out of bed is painful.

3. Parents

I thought I've experienced chronic nagging from parents. Ha, ha ha ha. No. Today I was nagged about studying - every hour. That's about six hours, from the time when I came back from school, and now I'm hiding in my room with the lights off to escape my parents. Sounds like I have a good life, but no. Today was just an exceptionally good day. I actually skipped out on a good hour of school. (Also I wake up at 5:50am every morning, fuck the world.) Each time my parents spoke to me it was like having a bunch of angry hornets poking at your eardrum. Just stop. Stop stop stop. I spend more time lazing around at school than at home, and I don't even get scolded for it. This is why I don't want to go home. (If I do go home then I go to bed as early as possible.)

4. Sleep

I usually sleep from 10:30 to 5:50 on school days. That's like at least seven hours of sleep, but it sure doesn't feel like it. For the last three weeks I've been waking up in the middle of the night. Like, multiple times every single night. Also I dream. What's so bad about dreaming, you ask? Well, when I dream, it's always lucid dreams. And I'm also always half-awake during dreams. It doesn't feel like I slept at all. It feels like I closed my eyes and lived another life, and woke up just in time to get back into this life. And I just can't fall asleep. Rest time? Haha no. Also all my dreams have entire casts of characters with full back story and sometimes I am multiple characters. If that doesn't fuck up a good night's sleep then I don't know what will.

5. In general, everything sucks

You know that timetable? The one that tells you what class to go to, when. That's stupid. And school? That's stupid. I've been cooped up alone during the entire holidays, because I have anxiety issues about going outside alone and all my friends are overseas. Also my parents don't exactly like me going out with my friends. In the end I spent perhaps two months exchanging at most mild pleasantries with people I may or may not know (seriously I don't even know if I know them). I want to walk around with my friends. Talk to them. Laugh. I don't want a timetable pressing on me, nipping at my heels and sending a flood of irritation across my friendtime.

Also I'm being honest, being alone isn't exactly good for my psychological health. I've been doing some odd things lately. I'm very sure that it's because of a lack of interaction with humans.

P.S. 6. Homework

Except not exactly, because I either not do homework, copy homework, or rush it at the last minute. Right now it's not much of an issue. If I don't feel too dead in school then I'll probably do it in school.

Oh yeah, and 7. School

It makes me feel dead. On most days I can sit there and drool at the teacher for five hours straight. Breathing feels like a chore. I'm not getting much of an education. I mean, I appreciate the effort that the teachers have put in, really, but there's only so much you can do when one of your students have an erratic learning speed.

Um, sorry. I guess.