Fic!! Parody fic!!
Summary: Two fangirls traipse through the D. Gray-Man universe and attempt to seduce their favourite characters, which unfortunately does not work because the aforementioned characters are gay. Slashy slash!
START:
“Is this not wonderful, my friend?” The girl wore a black shirt over black shorts over a black pair of shoes. “I SAY, IS THIS NOT WONDERFUL??”
Her companion, a slightly shorter girl who wore neon-coloured clothes, promptly whacked her on the head. With the pavement.
“Ow,” the first girl said, picking herself up from the ground. “You didn’t have to do that,” she said accusingly, brushing dust off herself. “Now my clothes are screwed, and I can’t hug Allen.”
“You’re not hugging Allen anyway, because you stand out painfully and will probably get stoned to death. No one wears shorts here. Well, except for whores. Or Rhode. Possibly Rhode, but I can’t remember.” The second girl stared at her friend for a few seconds. “Hm, good clothes for whoring, those.” She pointed at her friend.
The girl dressed in black scowled before going off to steal some appropriate clothes.
--
“I didn’t have money,” she protested indignantly. “How do I get clothes if I don’t have money? Of course I had to steal these. And don’t bother being righteous, you stole clothes too. And candy.”
The girl dressed in neon looked down to find that she was dressed in drab, beige clothing instead. “Huh,” she said. “But sweets are nice.”
The other girl rolled her eyes. “So how do we find the Black Order.”
“… Pretend to be akuma?”
“… And have Kanda slice us in two? No, idiot.”
--
“I’m not sure that playing poker is the best idea.”
“Shush, ye who disbelieves. Allen will save us soon.” The girl who formerly wore hooker clothes jabbed her friend in the stomach with an elbow.
There was a groan, then the girl’s cards slipped from her fingers to lie face-up on the table.
“Great,” an anonymous man muttered, “Now we gotta reshuffle and redeal the cards and everything.”
The post-hooker-clothes girl stared at her unconscious friend. ”I WAS WINNING, YOU IDIOT!!”
--
“Yes, we are trying to find the Black Order. Could you please direct us towards the headquarters?”
“… This is the Noah family headquarters.”
--
Tyki prayed that Skin wouldn’t visit the house today because all the sugar had been removed from the kitchen.
“PREPARE FOR BATTLE, MY MINIONS!!”
He let the sugar-high girl pass through him and hit the wall behind him. There was a reason that he tolerated Rhode and Lulu, with all their bitchiness. Now he remembered. Anything was better than this.
Tyki wondered if there were any akuma around. The more the better.
--
“Okay I didn’t know I had Innocence or something. I thought we were just gonna be some normal humans.”
Her friend stared at the smoking remains of akuma lying around in a circle around them. Then she turned to look at her friend-who-formerly-wore-black-clothes's white, waving hair.
“Please don’t tell me that the Innocence is in your hair,” she begged, feeling faint.
“Actually, it's in my blood.”
-Fade to black-
--
“Okay I didn’t know I had a Noah inside me or something. I thought we were just gonna be some normal humans.”
“I’m not normal, I have Innocence,” her friend proclaimed proudly.
“I’m not normal either, I’m a Noah,” she snapped, throwing a cleaver at her friend.
--
“Is that moaning I hear?”
“Yes indeedy.”
“Is that Tyki and Allen moaning I hear?”
“Yes ma’am.”
--
A/N: And that was the end. Not really. I'm not done with this crackfic. But this is all I have right now.
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