1500+ words of ranting

*I became very angry halfway through this post and went off track. This post isn't really about what it says it's about in the beginning.

My mother is a phenomenally annoying woman. She loves talking about things that she just doesn't understand. A pointless example is English. She talks about the wrong things in a weird accent and refuses to actually learn the language. It annoys the fuck out of me because my brother picks it up and it's just horrible to listen to. A not-so-pointless example would be my schoolwork.

She thinks she knows all about what happens at school. The status of my studies, social interaction, blah blah. Actually, she doesn't, but that's never stopped her from going on and on about it before.

Classes at school are from A to M, and while there isn't really a fixed ranking, it's generally acknowledged that the A class is better and the M class isn't as good. Which is bullshit. The A class just gets higher grades overall, while the M class students are awesome at certain subjects but frankly shitty at others.

So there's class E, which is also generally acknowledged as pretty good, since most people end up having a full exemption from the year end exams. Or at least a partial.

And then there's me, who is currently right at the bottom of the class, with a GPA of right below three. I'm fine with it, really. In most classes I wouldn't be at the bottom of the class. And my school is a pretty good school.

But that's just me justifying things. That's a bad GPA. Last year, and the year before, it hovered around 3.3 and 3.2. This year it's not even 3.0, which is bad, and bad, and just bad.

It IS bad, but it's not horrible. I can pull it up with the year end exams, which are 40% of the entire year's grades. In fact, the only reason I'm not seeing a GPA of 3 is because of Maths, which is counted twice, and which I currently have a C6 in. Actually I'm not sure if it's counted twice for me, since I have German, which isn't factored into my results. But Maths is definitely the subject that's pulling my grades down.

There's just no way around Maths. You can't cheat and sweet talk your way into marks, like with English or even Physics. It's straight up practice and equations. And I do neither of those. I don't listen in class and I don't study at home. I also have no predisposition towards Mathematics, even though my father is insanely good at it. Recently I watched Code Geass throughout the entire class.

Wow, getting off-track here.

The point is, my grades can completely be salvaged.

Sometimes, when my mother gets into one of her moods, she starts going completely anal over the smallest things. She starts talking to me with a strange tone - by 'strange', I mean condescending. With some suppressed anger and an odd feeling that it's my fault. I mean that it feels to me that she feels that everyfuckingthing is my fault, which fucking makes me irritated because I'm neither passive enough to tolerate it, nor is it my fault.

And then she starts going on and on and over and over and again and again about my studies. Why aren't you studying? Why are you still playing with your iPad? The structure of the sentences imply that I'm a lazy ass shit and should get studying fucking immediately. And then she stands there and glowers at me. She just doesn't go away. The fuck does she expect me to do?

To be fair, she doesn't do that every day, but once she starts... It's like she's a dog who's bitten the pair of pants called "irritate Helen until she does what you want her to do" and is refusing to fucking let go.

I hate people intruding into my personal space. I hate other people touching my things, looking over my shoulder, etc etc. Especially when they have no right to do that. I don't mind curiosity. I do mind "stare at everything she does so that the moment she gets sidetracked you can nag at her until she goes back to doing legit work".

It literally feels like an angry hornet buzzing around in the back of my head. Literally.

Part of it is because of above mentioned reasons, but it's also because of her inability to think in logical lines. She accuses me of things that blatantly aren't true and throws negativity everywhere.

Like accessing me of playing and not doing work. When I'm typing a document on the iPad. Just because it's the iPad. The fuck?

The only reason I even have this piece of shit Appletech is because my school recommends that I buy it for educational purposes. So I can also play games on it, but does a black and white document filled with words look like games???

And she throws around other accusations like "the school's going to throw you out by the end of the year!!" ZOMGGGGG. Bitch, I am not in danger of being thrown out. I'm not even near the "conditional promotion" area. I am perfectly fine. My grades are perfectly fine. Lower than expected, lower than ideal, BUT BITCH THEY ARE OKAY.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE, WOMAN.

I have a friend with a GPA of 1.9 and SHE'S GOING TO BE FINE. Therefore I'll be fine, obviously.

I understand that all mothers go anal about stupid things sometimes, but I can't stand how all logic fucking flies out the window when she's in one of her moods. And anyone who tries to defend that kind of behaviour is just being idiotic, because WAIT UNTIL YOU ENCOUNTER THAT.

It's like trying to move a wall by talking to it. And moving it is an urgent matter. After a while you might start shouting at it, but it's just there. The same. And if you shove it too hard it might collapse on you.

What would the world be without logic? Fuck morality, logic is more important. Dogs know logic, they understand that happy owners go for walks and walks are good so pleasing their owner is good. You mean you've never encountered an animal that's tried to manipulate you into doing things it likes by being adorable?

Face it, without logic, we'd still be bombing people. The refusal to listen and consider is barbaric and retarded. What you should do is to listen to their reasons and refute them one by one until you win. Unless you're wrong. In which case everything is right again and ultimately everyone wins. See?

Even politics is logic. My opponent is likely to do this, but he'll do this in the event that this happens, which is beneficial to me, so this should happen, and so on.

Now, my mother doesn't do logic on some days. "I should nag at Helen until she studies. This has never worked before but I'm going to do this anyway. I'm going to ignore the fact that just two days ago she studied Chinese without any prompting from me."

What? What the fuck? That doesn't even make sense. My mother is the master of not making any fucking sense sometimes.

This annoys me because I can't do anything about it. You know when a bird flies onto you and just stays there? You can't reason with it. You can't persuade it into flying away because its presence is affecting your ability to function. Perhaps it pooped on you. Or scratched your expensive suit. Anyway it's there and it's not going away.

And what do you do? You force it away. Either by making loud ness to scare it off, or by shaking it off yourself. There. Problem solved.

With my mother, I'm forced to endure that bloody heavy bird on my shoulder, just because it'll peck me and stay there for another few days just to annoy me.

But she can't be that bad!

Are you not listening? Because she is exactly as irritating as that. I don't even talk back to her. My only vice is not studying. Or rather, not getting high enough grades. I don't have to endure all these insults. She's my bloody mother, shouldn't she be encouraging me? Or at least not actively hindering my efforts to pull my grades up.

Being angry is not being productive. You'd think that after living with me for more than ten years, she'd understand that. Apparently not.

You know what I hate the absolute most? People who won't listen. It's okay if you're not convinced of something, as long as you listen and consider what you've heard.

In fact, that's what I do. I listen to
others' arguments and then analyze it and pick out where they went wrong (aka where they deviated from my line of thinking). End result? I either convert them and reaffirm my abilities, or admit that I'm wrong.

God damn it, why won't people use their brains? The head is important because of eyes mouth ears brain. The head is an important thing BECAUSE OF MANY REASONS.

Is it honestly that difficult to analyze the information? Hello, logic? Drawing reasonable conclusions instead of dismissing everything JUST BECAUSE??

(Maybe I just don't want to hear about my failures? Maybe. This is 1500 plus word rant. It made me a lot less angry than I was before this.)