some random writing

I can't remember if I've ever said anything about this, but I was writing some stuff for a creative arts thing. I was waiting for news, but apparently I didn't get in, which made me extremely hurt and sad and oh my god (oops sorry just exaggerating). Anyway, it's probably because my writing didn't fit the criteria. They wanted some world awareness thing. Or stuff.

Anyway, the point is that I'm posting the stuffs up.

1.

Will you tell me a story of roses,

Sleeping Beauties, and sharp thorns?

Or will you speak about mirrors,

Snow Whites, and poison Apples?

Will you spin me golden thread,

steal my stricken heart from my chest,

watch as I fall and shatter?

Will our story end with my death,

or disappear with yours?

2.

one step

is all it takes

breathe

close your eyes

lose yourself

to the memories

and cry

and breathe

and one step –

surrender

give up

move your feet

one step

away from everything

breathe

let go

end it all

just one step

(breathe)

one

(breathe)

last

(breathe)

step.

3.

Cry (this hopeless place of endless hope)

Cry with tears that are so silent, so subtle, that
        they leave only dark patches on your pillow –
        patches that dry by the next morning.

Cry with tears that are hot and painful, tears that
        scald with their unintentional intensity
        that comes from a choked-out wish.

Cry with tears that scream their frustration
        to the world, loud and harsh and utterly
        unforgiving; unrelenting in their fury,
        they leave you shaking and resigned.

Cry for each petty injustice, each tiny criticism;
        cry for every cutting denial, every stony
        rejection; cry for all the dreams unfulfilled,
        all the unexplainable hurt that never
        goes away completely.

Cry so that the next sunrise pains your eyes and
        drives daggers into your mind which longs
        only for the darkness of eternal oblivion.

Cry so that all the pent-up, stored-away feelings
        can escape in a swirl of salt water and
        pure emotion.

Cry so that you can go on lying, go on pretending,
        go on smiling and nodding and saying that
        “everything’s fine”. 

There are more, but the formatting becomes screwed whenever I try to paste it over. Oh well. (To be honest I think I was slightly depressed when I tried to write things for the seminar thing. I mean, those aren't exactly things that I'd write normally. Or at least the third one isn't. I quite like writing about suicide.)

On another note, my teacher wrote in my report card that I apparently don't like to "conform to social norms". And that I should "conform to social norms". I'm going to scan it and preserve it forever. That's like the coolest thing any teacher's ever written to me. Usually they just put some textbook thing about me needing to concentrate more or, uh, things.

The first was written after rereading Poison Apple during a thunderstorm and sobbing like a baby afterwards. The second was written post-midnight on the same day. The third was crapped out some time later, I don't really remember.