Oh, Motherfuck

I can't stand my CCA, I really can't. This tuesday they made us do footdrill, and one of the basic things is to align (which is understandably important, but way overstressed and not thought through enough). We have to tilt our heads up and to the right. And then stay there for however long they decide to make us stay like that.

I can't really think straight right now. I'm already too overstressed by all my homework and tests, but no, they need to add another thing.

Align, align, they say over and over. So who the fuck is the one not aligning, because from my point of view everyone's aligned. We have to stay like that because they expect us to magically understand who's not aligning while not moving our heads.

Thus the left side of my neck and shoulders were totally overstrained. The muscles hurt like fuck.

I can't turn my head to the left at all. At ALL. It just hurts so much. I also can't tilt too up, can't tilt too down, can't slouch too much, can't sit too straight. Basically, I'm a little paralysed from my waist up. The muscles fucking hurt even when I'm sitting properly.

It's not just a little muscle pain. I'm not motherfucking whining about this, I am deathly serious.

IT. HURTS.

I had third language classes today, so I couldn't see a doctor, but I will. Tomorrow. If my schedule allows me to. And I motherfucking bet that the doctor will recommend that I shouldn't participate in physical activities.

I know what normal muscle aches feel like, okay? This is not normal. It feels so motherfucking wrong. I'm being tortured. I can't sleep properly and I can't move properly. I can't motherfucking do anything properly or partially comfortably because of the motherfucking footdrill.

I've been in agony for an entire day, motherfuck, the pain is driving me out of my mind. It's not a sharp pain that you can press away. It's a dull residual pain THAT IS ANNOYING LIKE MOTHERFUCK.

Maybe I should email come random specialist in human action (there was a specific term, but fuck, my mind id clouded with pain and all that shit) and ask them check the routines. I'm pretty sure staying in that 'aligning' position for prolonged periods of time isn't physically correct. Or whatever shit.

I'm suffering every single fucking second because I can't motherfucking get any motherfucking relief. None. This is the WORST kind of pain. I can't take this kind of pain. Ugh. I can't. It's driving me insane. I can't feel comfortable anywhere. If my neck's comfortable (e.g. lying down on my particular side) then my body isn't. If my body's comfortable then of course my neck isn't.

I can't stand them. They've been through these things before (my seniors) like, obviously. I don't understand why they haven't tried to change or empathise. Discipline? Maybe lower your expectations until they're physically possible.

Sheesh. Seriously. Align, align, align. And we're expected to magically align. (We're not allowed to look down at our feet. And we're supposed to align our feet. To within centimeters.)

Such great logic.

Great logic that is causing me much suffering and hatred right now.

Thank you.

Because I feel particularly poisonous today because.

DUH.