Sorta Freeverse Poem (Yet to be Titled)

*This is weird and I was dizzy and high when I wrote it. DISREGARD THIS.

I was really bored and extremely awake (no coffee) one night, so I pulled up a word doc and started typing. It was supposed to be a sad little song mourning the loss of the innocence of the past and the ... yeah, it was supposed to be sad but also naive in a way.

But then it became really disturbing and I swear, I don't know what the fuck I did. I didn't even want it that way. I just wanted a sad-song-thing but I ended up writing... taboo, I think.

*according to syllable count, because I would have ended up writing in prose form otherwise. Thus the 'sorta' freeverse thing.

You turned away, saying that you felt nothing

You looked away, pretending that it was nothing

You scorned my words, hurting inside

I wondered if maybe it was my fault

And if it was, then I had to change.

It was painful, watching you hide everything

Like salt water, poured slowly over a bleeding wound

Like numbness, almost, or pleasure

Later, I told myself to play along

Whatever you wanted, I would give.

Yet the time soon came when it became too much

Wanting to see you again, I followed you -

Without telling me anything

You've moved, to a sweet little house that was

So much better than before, I thought.

You weren’t home, I supposed I should have called

I patiently waited outside the door for you

I've a little surprise for you

What would your reaction be, hm, my dear?

I really hope you’ll like it a lot.

The sun behind you complements your figure

I see you’ve let your hair grow, it looks very fine

I admire it as you walk

I imagine it’ll be nice to touch it

And not to mention the rest of you.

Oh, I fancy you have missed me quite a bit

From your expression, I can tell that you’re surprised

Yes, just as I had expected

Your hand immediately flies to your mouth

You scream – have I startled you too much?

Far from unfeeling, unlike the previous times

I prefer this to the cold charade you put up

I marvel at the emotion

And I raise my arms to welcome you back

But then you start backing away, shocked.

Oops, I realized too late that you can see it

The lovely crimson, dripping from your mother’s head

Do you not like it, my angel?

I’ve decorated her with your favourite

A charming cherry red, was it not?

I stop feeling amused when you start shouting

Yelling hysterically, saying that I’m a monster

You collapse on the gravel path

Sobbing, begging, all incoherently

Please don’t come near me, please don’t hurt me.

I stroke your smooth cheek, smiling down at your face

You found me handsome once, called me "pretty boy"

Our age difference didn’t matter

I used to believe all your sweet nothings - 

To be honest, I still do, my teacher.

Dropping your mother’s bleeding body, I grin

Tell me I’m worth it, tell me you care, my teacher

You’re the only one who’s ever

(You showed me love, teacher, don’t leave me now)

Ever told me anything like that.

You shriek that you regret ever saying that

You’re terrified of my hands and what they can do

I mean it in more ways than one

I know that you know all too well, darling

What my slim fingers are capable of.

I wipe your tears away, they are too ugly

You shudder at my touch and I know the truth now

We can’t live together, ever

Because simply put, honestly, I know

You hate me you hate me you hate me

I don’t want to do this, but I really must

Tilting up your chin, I brush your blonde hair away

You’re as attractive as ever

My hair falls into my eyes – a curtain

A curtain that you’ve always hated.

I need to be with you, nothing else matters

I understand now, the only path this can take

For the last time, I look at you

And then the gun jerks, impact and remorse

You turn ruby, colouring the ground.

Putting the gun to the front of my chest

Pressing the trigger gently, gently

We’ll die together, teacher.

*going to explain it now, because I just feel like pointing out some things.

There's neglected little boy and a young teacher. They start having a relationship (yes, sexual, 'what my slim fingers are capable of') but as the boy becomes more and more clingy, stalking her, the police becomes involved. The teacher moves away and the boy is forcibly kept away from her. ('Whatever you wanted, I would give' in this case it's space.)

One day the boy couldn't bear it anymore, being too enamoured with the teacher who showed him love when no one else did, and sneaks away to find her. He finds her house, and she isn't home. But her mother is. They had a skirmish and the boy kills her, remembering that the teacher's favourite colour is cherry red.

Then the teacher comes home. She sees her mother's body in the boy's hands and breaks down. 

Eventually the boy kills her and then himself, the realization that she hates him for ruining her life too much to bear. 

So yes, taboo. But hey, be proud of me, I actually wrote het. I originally meant for it to be malexmale but... oh, the insanity of the night. Not romance, per se, because for me to be able to write fluffy straight romance would take... would take... idk, but it'd take a lot to persuade me to write anything resembling that.

Teacherxstudent... okay okay, dark!taboo!poem!thing accomplished. (No beta-ing at all, six hundred twenty something words in half an hour or so.)

What the fuck have I done.