Loaded (Not Money)

This has been the most depressing week ever in my life. I cannot EVER remember having wished for a week to end as much as this.

I have a shitload of work to do, and I am seriously not kidding. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks a lot.

Because, I found out, that I don't actually need to make a conscious effort to learn. I just sit there and absorb everything. I also found out how I learn. I learn more effectively from interaction than from textbooks and stuff, though that works well too. Learning from interaction is easier because I can remember it better.

It works. Especially for things I hadn't given even a tiny bit of attention to before that very day. *Hint: like Malay. Geography. Or History. Or Maths or Science.*

SCREWED, PEOPLE. I AM SCREWED.

I TOTALLY FUCKED UP THIS LIFE.

Okay, now that's over. But I'm still not happy with my life right now. Be honest. Who would be?

I don't want to wake up in the morning. Waking up means facing another day. Facing another day means more meaningless homework, more useless, talkative teachers, more depressing shit, more horribly tactless people, and HER. God. Dammit, I just want a break from this kind of high-pressure life. Is it seriously that hard?

Yes. Apparently it is.

Apparently, there's no such thing. My March holidays were spent obsessing over the huge amount of homework left and the limited amount of time I had left to do them. My March holidays were also spent calculating approximately how much time I needed to do those damned homework, and whether or not I could copy them from some stupid dumbass in the morning before school started.

They were also spent ... sleeping. I know. No one sleeps as much as they should now. I apologize. It should be, 'no one sleeps much'. Except for old people with nothing better to do.

Do you want to ask someone? I bet they'd tell you 'six hours. If I'm extremely lucky'. Because. Been there, done that. I have asked most of my classmates, people from other classes, people from other levels, people from other schools. None of them sleep more than six hours a day.

If this is secondary life, then I am seriously dreading University life. University life - with a caps, because I am so much in fucking awe and fear of it - would definitely kill people. As it is, people are already jumping off buildings and axing off body parts, all in the name of 'HOLY SHIT - I can't face school anymore'. Really, people my age have done that.

You know what's depressing? What's really really depressing?

I empathize. I understand why they did a flying leap off the roof.

Just a side note here. You know it's currently March, don't you? But do you know that my June holidays were already packed by February, almost? Screw everything.

Anyways.

Maybe there's a god, maybe there isn't - and I still don't understand why everyone turns to gods when there's trouble. I mean, yes, I know the principle behind it, like, 'I can't do this. The powerful benign being floating in the clouds can do this - if I ask him nicely enough', but I don't feel it. Even if there's a god ... I'm just exhausted. What can he do, save giving me fifty IQ points so that I won't have to do anything, or change the system of the whole world?

Well, not much.

Now that brings me back to my absolute favourite subject. The female who gave me half of my genes. For your information, I now know that sarcasm tastes sour and poisonous, due to using it more than a few times to colour my words.

ON MONDAY, AFTER THE ALMIGHTY BITCH HAS PISSED ME OFF.
I'll show a blank face to everyone for a week. During that week I shall convey my feelings with little sidelong glances. Who'll notice? Anyway the greatest villains all have great poker faces. I should have one too. That alone tells you much about my intended choice of career.

ON WEDNESDAY, AFTER I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT IT.
Nevermind, I'll do this for just two days - Thursday and Friday, when my dad's in Malaysia. Because it's too hard. Lying isn't that effective without facial expressions. Because my lying mainly involves acting innocent of it all.

ON THURSDAY, AFTER THE ALMIGHTY BITCH PISSED ME OFF AGAIN.
I forgot about this for a bit, but anyway my mom pissed me off so much that I cried. This experiment is a failure, therefore I shall try it again. I need a poker face. The thought of giving myself away repulses me. Let's see what happens on Friday.

AND THEN ON FRIDAY ... I got caught cheating.


/EDIT/: Okay I honestly admit to not understanding anything in this post. Was I really this annoying back then? How did I even have friends?