hi i am fucking scared of roller coasters but i love going on them because i am apparently an adrenaline junkie and have issues. many issues.

in fact i bought a season pass to universal studios and i look at the card sometimes with pride. pride that i have a masochistic streak, apparently. masochists are strong. also kind of fucked up.

this is my february post.

went to bangkok. ate.

got offered another job. boss gave me a raise of a dollar. per hour. choices, choices. i fucking hate this job but i get free teeth things and for someone like me - by which i mean someone who requires lots of dental care - working at a dental clinic is like, almost heaven. for my teeth. not my mental health.

worked 175 hours in january. got 1350 dollars for my trouble. the other job is 1600 a month...... and is better for the portfolio.

ugh. choices.

currently i plan to wait a month, casually mention the other job offer to the boss, and wait for another dollar raise. by then i will be earning more than 1600 a month, thus making the other job offer worse than the current job, based on salary.

then again, my university application portfolio. "event organiser" sounds a lot more impressive than "receptionist", although i could play it up and make it sound like i was responsible for the workings of the entire clinic.

also, i have to buy stuff for my teachers to bribe them into writing good recommendations. or just bribe them into remembering the good parts of me. or just let them know that i can be nice, sometimes. god i fucking hate the school.

this is ridiculous, just let me into a uni, tons of undeserving people get into good unis so what's one more? and i'm sure i'm not losing to those other undeserving people on the intelligence factor. just the ethics factor. but what's wrong with dodgy ethics when no one gets hurts, amirite?

anyway, i want more money, and i want to get into uni. pretty conservative desires. right? or even just one of the two. just... make me less stressed.

honestly i wish i could just seduce my way into an uni admission, but it's a lot harder irl than in the movies, plus i am less than unhot. it's not easy. major respect to people who can manage that. or people who look hot enough to manage it, whatever. looking hot is an accomplishment all by itself. you should be proud.