i know parents aren't all they're crack up to be. you think they've got their life together, but no. you'd think with how they expect you to go to university, they'd save up for it, but no. you think they'd be logical and reasonable and love you and be nice to you, but no.
to be fair most parents are pretty good, most of the time. but even nice parents can have their shitty times, when they're unreasonable and scarily crazy and sometimes violent. i know that even if your parents are perfectly nice people, sometimes when they're angry you honestly become scared for your wellbeing.
tbh i have no idea why people let themselves be so angry that they can't control themselves, but that's a different matter. i also happen to have a bad opinion of emotional people so whatever.
anyway i wanted to outline what i think you owe your parents. and it's less than you might think.
growing up in an asian society you always hear people going on and on about filial piety. well i guess that's important, but sometimes it's a pile of bullshit. you can't possibly devote yourself to abusive parents, or parents who abandon you, or parents who are obviously, completely terrible.
but i want to say that even if your nice parents act up and make you feel like crap, it's okay because you're not obliged to love them. you're just
not. sometimes normal parents are the worst, because you don't really feel entitled to hate them or denounce them because most of the time they are
NICE. they are good, regular people who love you, and you feel bad about hating them and stuff.
but you're
NOT obliged to love them. if they're good to you, acknowledge it. if they treat you decently, treat them decently back. you need to remember that they are in fact obliged to provide some things for you, because they gave birth to you. you didn't sign up to be born, but they signed up to give birth. i wish all people who gave birth were capable of taking care of a child, but you know. wishes are wishes. and you don't need to love them. it's okay not to love them.
you don't need to do what they want you to do either. i mean in life. and academics. they may mean well, but in the end you should study what you want. how do i say this? you shouldn't feel bad for not following the life your parents planned out for you. you are your own person. you don't owe your parents your life. yes, they gave birth to you. no, they don't own your life.
i think, really, you owe very little to your parents. they gave birth to you - but that's not something you can either condemn or be grateful for. it's just a fact that you exist. what you owe them is their treatment of you after you're born. were they good parents? then you should probably be good to them when they're old. were they just decent? then just be decent to them. were they toxic to your life? then you probably shouldn't spend too much time with them.
i think, in general, be civil to your parents. think hard about whether something is actually your fault. don't hesitate to throw away your guilt if you decide that something honestly isn't your fault/your obligation. sometimes people seem like awesome parents, but they're really tearing you down mentally and emotionally. just recognise it and walk away from the relationship as you would from any other bad relationship.
don't feel like you should give up on being yourself because they're your
parents and you have some misguided sense of obligation to them. parents aren't exempt from being terrible people.
