there are so many things to do and none of them are going as well as i would've liked and some of them aren't even my problems
i am busy and stressed
and i keep doing these things because i have to
at this point i feel that this deadened version of me would go to project meetings with a bullet wound and only roll my eyes at the excruciating pain because i don't have the capacity to feel any emotion more intense than mild irritation
it's like an 'ugh' feeling except 24/7 and you want to roll your eyes but that's too much effort and besides there are things to be done
