He wakes up to the scent of sweat, burning the insides of his nose with its salty odour. The man beside him is unmoving except for the steady rise-fall of his chest. He doesn't know if he wants to stay. He doesn't know if he wants to pretend to be asleep when the other inevitably opens his eyes, or if he wants to pick up his clothes and disappear.
His fingers fumble for a cigarette in the pre-dawn light. He finds one, hidden between the folds of the bed sheet, and lights it with a match found in the same place. He doesn't know what else is scattered on the off-white sheets. He doesn't want to know.
He trembles slightly as he lifts the cigarette to his lips. His left hand is beside him, supporting his weight unsteadily. His right hand is falling back onto the bed, the nail of his thumb scratching at the skin of his second digit - a habit that he has picked up over the years.
He trembles.
Suddenly the familiar cigarette smoke isn't as soothing any more.
--
He's barely fourteen when they find him.
"Mister Potter."
He almost mistakes it for a client's voice, authoritative and stern. It's the kind of voice he associates with soft leather bindings and the gentle feel of whips sliding over his skin.
"Potter."
This is a voice that he connects to the heat of fingers squeezing at his throat.
"Yes," he replies. "Though I haven't been addressed as such for quite a number of years. Who are you? You aren't clients, are you?" He knows that they are not, but he adjusts his collar just in case. He's met rather a lot of odd clients over the years.
"No, we are not," the first voice says. It belongs to an old man with a long beard, dressed in eccentric robes. "We're here to bring you back to the Wizarding World. My name is Professor Dumbledore." He attempts a smile, but it is unseen in the dim lighting of the club.
"And you?" He tosses the question at the old man's companion. "You're a professor too. Aren't you?" He knows professors. He knows all about those who work as educators. He's just the right age to be a student. Just the right size to pass for another student. He has just the right shape to fulfill certain requirements.
"I am Professor Snape," the man glowers.
He thinks that perhaps he wouldn't mind taking the dark-haired man into his bed.
"Mister Potter," the older man continues, "We're here to invite you to attend the Hogwarts School or Witchcraft and Wizardry. We have sent you a letter -"
"The parchment," he interrupts.
"Yes. However, we have not received a reply."
"I thought that maybe you would give up if I ignored you for long enough. Apparently not." He stands up slowly, running a hand over his neck. "What if I'm unable to pay the tuition fees?"
"You need not worry. A trust fund was set up for you by your parents before they passed away."
"I was supposed to go to Hogwarts at eleven, wasn't I? How does this work out, then? It's been three years, I didn't expect you to be this persistent." The cigarette dangling on his lips is promptly discarded.
"You still remember the letter clearly, Mister Potter. I think that this will work out fine. There is half a year before the new term begins; we have arranged for extra tuition for you to make up for the lost time."
He nods, absentmindedly crushing the cigarette under his shoe. "One more thing, Professor Dumbledore," he murmurs. "My name isn't Potter. It's Harrison Black now."
--
"It's not that bad," Daphne tries to convince him. "Hogwarts is a pretty good school."
Harrison raises an eyebrow, closing the Dark Arts book on his lap. "It's not," he says so softly that Daphne can hardly hear it. "It's boring. It's stagnant. I can feel it dying. Can't you? The castle stinks of death."
"Still, Harrison - "
"I will not. Stop trying to convince me. It's a waste of time," he sighs, "Hogwarts holds nothing for me."
--
Professor Snape leads him down the stairs, pausing every minute or so to send a glare behind at the boy. "This is where you will livefor the duration of your stay," he says sourly when they reach a small corridor in the dungeons. "It will not do for the other students to see you; they will become unduly excited and disrupt classes."
He makes an ambiguous noise and shrugs in reply. "Will I see you often?" he asks, sending a sly look up at the professor from the corner of his eye. "I'm afraid that I might not be used to such a sudden change in the environment."
"Stop lying, Black," the man tells him vehemently. "We both know that you feel no such insecurity about changing residence. I am unwilling to listen to your meaningless excuses for conversation; I have no wish to make conversation with you."
There is silence in the narrow corridor for a few moments. Then Harrison strikes, sliding his slim fingers up his soon-to-be professor's chest.
"I'm not making conversation, Professor," he purrs, pressing himself closer to the man. "Not at all. Why talk when there are so many other interesting things to do?" A wicked grin makes its way onto his lips, slowly turning the youthful face seductive.
Professor Snape stops walking, and turns to look at Harrison. "If I had known, back then, that you would be this kind of person," he says deliberately, looking down his long, hooked nose at the boy, "then I would never have agreed to bring you into the school." He brushes Harrison's hand off his robes dismissively. "People like you do not belong in schools."
--
End
Also school is bloody depressing.
25 July 2012
20 July 2012
TRANSLATION PROJECT
I'm working on translating a Chinese HPLV fanfiction into English. You might have heard of it. It already has two translations, but I kind of thought that both translations were lacking a little something. Hence. This.
This is the original Chinese version, chapter one to four, combined because the word count was too little. This is the first translation by CrownofGlory, and this is the alternate translation by tinanl.
And here's mine: it's short, and doesn't even cover the first chapter. It's maybe a thousand words, and took me about an hour before bed last night. It might sound forced because I'm used to writing whatever I want, not following a script.
Slight disclaimer: I'm not actually certified in either Chinese or English. I don't actually have any important qualifications so make of that what you will. /shrugs. Anyway, not mine. I also admit that I didn't ask for permission to translate this, mainly due to the amazingly complicated site structure and my own laziness.
Also I started translating from the very beginning. I have not read the fic. I have not read the English translations. Fuck foreshadowing, because there's going to be none. I don't know if I'm ever going to finish this, because it's bloody long.
Anyway:
--
Death Eaters stood alongside Aurors in the room of time deep in the heart of the Department of Mysteries. The Aurors, once proud, have now bowed to Voldemort. Their wands were pointed unerringly at Harry Potter, who panted as he leaned against a hourglass-shaped crystal ornament.
"Avada Kedavra!"
Countless green lights sped towards him, some shattering the crystal into pieces, others creating flashy explosions. In the resulting chaos, Harry vanished.
--
Harry had been walking ever since he had awoken, along a darkened corridor. His feet were starting to ache, yet there seemed to be no end to the hallway.
Eventually, exhausted, he stopped to rest against a door bearing a plate that said "1938". Perhaps he had been too heavy, Harry thought as the door swung open silently. Nevertheless, he peered into the pitch black room with a certain amount of curiosity - he could see nothing except for a tiny pinprick of light some distance away.
Somehow, he was sucked into the strange room.
Harry landed heavily, disorientated by the fall. Picking himself up, he realised that it seemed to be some time in the afternoon, and that he was in some sort of forest. He felt for his wand; it was still there. He took a few steps cautiously - it appeared normal. Perhaps this really was nothing more than an ordinary forest.
Suddenly, he heard the beginnings of an argument.
"You freak!"
"I'm not!"
"You are! You're a hateful, disgusting freak! You're going to Hell!"
Then the undeniable sounds of a fight reached his ears.
Harry's feet slowed to a stop. The voice reminded him strongly of Tom Riddle. Voldemort was here? He shivered; he couldn't help but recall how he had been defeated by the man.
Even after six of his Horcruxes had been destroyed, Voldemort remained as inhumanly powerful as ever. Harry had just barely been able to match him in a duel, but once the Ministry of Magic had been taken over by Voldemort with his deceit and bribes and began spreading lies, he had to admit that he had been thoroughly beaten.
Once the Wizarding World believed that Voldemort had changed - that he would no longer engage in indiscriminate slaughter like he had done before - the existence of the Order became superfluous. To prevent more meaningless deaths, he had disbanded the Order of the Phoenix and went to meet his end. His death would ensure that Voldemort at least paused in his attacks, buying precious time for wizards to rest and recuperate.
And he had to confess, even if only to himself, that Voldemort far outstripped him in terms of perseverance and sheer manipulative ability. Maybe Slytherins were simply born with those innate qualities that Gryffindors could never hope to achieve.
Harry hesitated for a moment before stepping forward, but instead of a Lord Voldemort, he found only a young Tom Riddle on the ground, being kicked and punched by a group of children standing around him. His beautiful eyes burned brightly with humiliation, rage, and despair while his dirt-streaked hair became steadily dirtier. The scene, along with Tom's expression, echoed Harry's own unhappy childhood back at the Dursleys'.
"Stop it!" he cried angrily. "Stop it right now or I'll make you stop!"
The children ran away, frightened by his yell, while Tom Riddle stood up smoothly and looked at Harry as though Harry had been meddling instead of attempting to help. Without so much as a backwards glance, Riddle turned and strode off.
"Why did they call you a freak?" Harry asked. Had it been for the same reasons that his own relatives had beaten him?
The boy turned back abruptly. "Get lost! It's none of your business."
"I helped you; you could at least drop the attitude," Harry scolded, frowning. It was difficult to think of this young child as a mighty nemesis.
"It's none of your business," Riddle replied stubbornly. "I could have dealt with them myself."
"You weren't doing a very good job of that," Harry pointed out.
A dark smile made its way onto Tom Riddle's face. Come here, my darling, he hissed. A small black snake slithered forward. Bite him, he told the snake, pointing at Harry. Riddle's smile turned cold as the snake prepared to attack.
Harry stared at the boy. He had forgotten about Parseltongue - no; he had simply not expected for Voldemort to have discovered the gift this young.
Stop, he said. Go back to where you came from. The snake immediately responded.
Tom Riddle was shocked into breathlessness. "You... You can also..."
"Speak to snakes? Yes," Harry said, smiling faintly.
Riddle rolled his eyes, and a fist-sized spider rose up behind Harry. But years of battle training had made Harry sensitive to the movements of magic, thus allowing him more than enough time to fight back.
"Petrificus Totalus."
The spider became as immobile as stone, and Harry flicked it out of the way.
Riddle eyed Harry's wand covetously. "What's that?" he asked.
"It's a wand. A wizard's wand," Harry replied.
"You're a wizard?" Riddle frowned.
"Yes. You're also a wizard." Harry lowered his voice. "A different sort of wizard," he murmured.
"Then can I also have a wand?" The greed in his eyes grew.
"Of course. You'll get a wand when you start attending Hogwarts."
"And when will that be?" The boy was clearly enamoured with the idea.
"When you're eleven."
Riddle's eyes narrowed, and he moved towards Harry. "But I want it... Right now!" His hand shot out with the intent to snatch Harry's wand away.
Harry merely waved his wand, casting a silent Tarantellegra. Riddle immediately began dancing, unable to control himself.
He felt satisfaction in tormenting the young child. It felt like payback for the torture that Voldemort would inflict on him decades later.
Riddle soon started panting, and struggled futilely against the spell. He couldn't stop himself from shedding a few tears upon feeling the helplessness.
Panicking, Harry ended the spell, but Riddle only cried with more vigour. Kneeling beside the boy, he said, "It was only a prank, there's no need to cry. Looking at you now, it's kind of hard to imagine that you'd be ruling the world in the future."
Riddle stopped crying as quickly as he had started. "I'll rule the world?" he asked, eyes shining brightly.
This is the original Chinese version, chapter one to four, combined because the word count was too little. This is the first translation by CrownofGlory, and this is the alternate translation by tinanl.
And here's mine: it's short, and doesn't even cover the first chapter. It's maybe a thousand words, and took me about an hour before bed last night. It might sound forced because I'm used to writing whatever I want, not following a script.
Slight disclaimer: I'm not actually certified in either Chinese or English. I don't actually have any important qualifications so make of that what you will. /shrugs. Anyway, not mine. I also admit that I didn't ask for permission to translate this, mainly due to the amazingly complicated site structure and my own laziness.
Also I started translating from the very beginning. I have not read the fic. I have not read the English translations. Fuck foreshadowing, because there's going to be none. I don't know if I'm ever going to finish this, because it's bloody long.
Anyway:
--
Death Eaters stood alongside Aurors in the room of time deep in the heart of the Department of Mysteries. The Aurors, once proud, have now bowed to Voldemort. Their wands were pointed unerringly at Harry Potter, who panted as he leaned against a hourglass-shaped crystal ornament.
"Avada Kedavra!"
Countless green lights sped towards him, some shattering the crystal into pieces, others creating flashy explosions. In the resulting chaos, Harry vanished.
--
Harry had been walking ever since he had awoken, along a darkened corridor. His feet were starting to ache, yet there seemed to be no end to the hallway.
Eventually, exhausted, he stopped to rest against a door bearing a plate that said "1938". Perhaps he had been too heavy, Harry thought as the door swung open silently. Nevertheless, he peered into the pitch black room with a certain amount of curiosity - he could see nothing except for a tiny pinprick of light some distance away.
Somehow, he was sucked into the strange room.
Harry landed heavily, disorientated by the fall. Picking himself up, he realised that it seemed to be some time in the afternoon, and that he was in some sort of forest. He felt for his wand; it was still there. He took a few steps cautiously - it appeared normal. Perhaps this really was nothing more than an ordinary forest.
Suddenly, he heard the beginnings of an argument.
"You freak!"
"I'm not!"
"You are! You're a hateful, disgusting freak! You're going to Hell!"
Then the undeniable sounds of a fight reached his ears.
Harry's feet slowed to a stop. The voice reminded him strongly of Tom Riddle. Voldemort was here? He shivered; he couldn't help but recall how he had been defeated by the man.
Even after six of his Horcruxes had been destroyed, Voldemort remained as inhumanly powerful as ever. Harry had just barely been able to match him in a duel, but once the Ministry of Magic had been taken over by Voldemort with his deceit and bribes and began spreading lies, he had to admit that he had been thoroughly beaten.
Once the Wizarding World believed that Voldemort had changed - that he would no longer engage in indiscriminate slaughter like he had done before - the existence of the Order became superfluous. To prevent more meaningless deaths, he had disbanded the Order of the Phoenix and went to meet his end. His death would ensure that Voldemort at least paused in his attacks, buying precious time for wizards to rest and recuperate.
And he had to confess, even if only to himself, that Voldemort far outstripped him in terms of perseverance and sheer manipulative ability. Maybe Slytherins were simply born with those innate qualities that Gryffindors could never hope to achieve.
Harry hesitated for a moment before stepping forward, but instead of a Lord Voldemort, he found only a young Tom Riddle on the ground, being kicked and punched by a group of children standing around him. His beautiful eyes burned brightly with humiliation, rage, and despair while his dirt-streaked hair became steadily dirtier. The scene, along with Tom's expression, echoed Harry's own unhappy childhood back at the Dursleys'.
"Stop it!" he cried angrily. "Stop it right now or I'll make you stop!"
The children ran away, frightened by his yell, while Tom Riddle stood up smoothly and looked at Harry as though Harry had been meddling instead of attempting to help. Without so much as a backwards glance, Riddle turned and strode off.
"Why did they call you a freak?" Harry asked. Had it been for the same reasons that his own relatives had beaten him?
The boy turned back abruptly. "Get lost! It's none of your business."
"I helped you; you could at least drop the attitude," Harry scolded, frowning. It was difficult to think of this young child as a mighty nemesis.
"It's none of your business," Riddle replied stubbornly. "I could have dealt with them myself."
"You weren't doing a very good job of that," Harry pointed out.
A dark smile made its way onto Tom Riddle's face. Come here, my darling, he hissed. A small black snake slithered forward. Bite him, he told the snake, pointing at Harry. Riddle's smile turned cold as the snake prepared to attack.
Harry stared at the boy. He had forgotten about Parseltongue - no; he had simply not expected for Voldemort to have discovered the gift this young.
Stop, he said. Go back to where you came from. The snake immediately responded.
Tom Riddle was shocked into breathlessness. "You... You can also..."
"Speak to snakes? Yes," Harry said, smiling faintly.
Riddle rolled his eyes, and a fist-sized spider rose up behind Harry. But years of battle training had made Harry sensitive to the movements of magic, thus allowing him more than enough time to fight back.
"Petrificus Totalus."
The spider became as immobile as stone, and Harry flicked it out of the way.
Riddle eyed Harry's wand covetously. "What's that?" he asked.
"It's a wand. A wizard's wand," Harry replied.
"You're a wizard?" Riddle frowned.
"Yes. You're also a wizard." Harry lowered his voice. "A different sort of wizard," he murmured.
"Then can I also have a wand?" The greed in his eyes grew.
"Of course. You'll get a wand when you start attending Hogwarts."
"And when will that be?" The boy was clearly enamoured with the idea.
"When you're eleven."
Riddle's eyes narrowed, and he moved towards Harry. "But I want it... Right now!" His hand shot out with the intent to snatch Harry's wand away.
Harry merely waved his wand, casting a silent Tarantellegra. Riddle immediately began dancing, unable to control himself.
He felt satisfaction in tormenting the young child. It felt like payback for the torture that Voldemort would inflict on him decades later.
Riddle soon started panting, and struggled futilely against the spell. He couldn't stop himself from shedding a few tears upon feeling the helplessness.
Panicking, Harry ended the spell, but Riddle only cried with more vigour. Kneeling beside the boy, he said, "It was only a prank, there's no need to cry. Looking at you now, it's kind of hard to imagine that you'd be ruling the world in the future."
Riddle stopped crying as quickly as he had started. "I'll rule the world?" he asked, eyes shining brightly.
this is to address something that makes me slightly uncomfortable
Lately I've noticed that people put interesting stuff in their bio. Self-introduction. Bleh. They mostly describe themselves. I sing, I like anime, etc etc and so on.
Just today I read a self-intro that said: a deep thinker with a blog.
Wow.
I mean, a deep thinker.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not criticizing the blogger for listing out her attributes. Who knows, maybe she actually is a really deep thinker. And she thinks it defines her. So she put it up on the bio section.
Wow.
The part that gets me uncomfortable is the blatant self-praise. Or, not self-praise, not exactly, but more of the tone. I have issues with the tone she used.
She was, oh god, so serious.
All that aside. Let me talk about myself for a moment. I praise myself all the time. I think I'm the best fucking person ever, but really, I am. I write really awesome things. Like, so fucking awesome. And I sing awesomely. And I have awesome taste in manga. Also anime. I rock.
I don't think that's the same tone as the quoted bio, is it?
Let me just try again: I am a quiet girl who loves flowers.
Okay stop. Bleh. I'll never do that. I'm not quiet. And I don't actually enjoy flowers that much.
One more try: I am a conscientious student with a blog.
Disclaimer: I am not conscientious. Neither do I study. Though I am a student.
BACK TO TOPIC.
Praising myself so seriously makes me extremely uncomfortable. Maybe I'm insecure. (I hope not.) But those descriptives are those that others should use to describe you, not by yourself to describe yourself. If you do that, chances are you'll sound extremely pompous and off-putting. Proud. Arrogant. Blah synonyms blah.
Also tone. At least make it more eye-catching. My inner voice reads it like the monologue of a dying person. I bet your inner voice isn't reading this text that way. I bet your inner voice sounds fucking high as a kite and very aggressive when it reads this. (I hope so.)
And again, content. It's a bloody blog. I don't want a couple of adjectives, I want a personality. Or at least what you blog about. I mean, why else would I ever read anything on your blog. Fancy/flattering adjectives don't make you interesting.
Standard disclaimer for most posts: I was most likely high and highly incoherent at the time of writing. Feel free to feel offended.
15 July 2012
I am deeply conflicted about my iPad!!
*Long rant. Might not actually have a point besides Apple hating.
The situation: my school decided that all of us needed an iPad in order to facilitate better learning. Or something along those lines, I'm sure they phrased it differently. Anyway, with the school administration being as technology-illiterate as they are, they decided on the iPad3. Long story short, most of us in the school have an iPad now.
Which irks me. The fact that they even considered an iProduct irks me. Which part of inability to play flash videos do they not understand? Which part of insanely expensive, yet not really useful so they not comprehend? Which part of WHY CAN'T WE JUST USE A LAPTOP do they not see? And whose fucking idea was it to support the Apple Dictatorship and World Takeover Plan??
I feel a need to explain my intense hatred of all Apple products, but there are more than enough tech arguments already. And they're much more convincing than I'll ever be, because they know much more about technology than I'll ever know. Aka, google words like "fuck apple" or the like.
My main issue with the pretty useless toy called the iPad is its inability to play flash videos. Who the fucks doesn't use flash nowadays?? My anime, movies, blah, blahblahblah, are usually flash supported. And Apple is all like, hey man I'll just refuse to give you adobe, we cool bro?
Bottom line as I see it: no.
Also I have an issue with the AppStore. The store has various useful applications like blogger and wordpress, and a calculator - which should be default applications included in the product. But let's ignore that. Let's focus on the fact that we have to pay. Oh, not for the blogger or wordpress apps. But for every other motherfucking app.
Bottom line as I see it: we don't have such and such functions, now here are a bunch of free apps for you to play with, and don't forget to pay to get the full version!!
Please remember, students with no income of their own are unlikely to pay for things on the internet.
Oh yes, speaking of the internet. Why don't we talk about how the iPad is just a bundle of prettiness when you take away the internet? I've had mine for slightly less than a month. I find myself wanting to smash the glorified iShit every single time I walk out of range of an internet connection.
Safari closes my tabs. IT CLOSES MY TABS. Let me say that once again so that you will understand how truly terrible it is: SAFARI CLOSES MY TABS. Each time I open too many tabs, it closes a few others. It actually took me a while to realise the discrepancy between the number of tabs I opened and the number of tabs I see.
Excuse me, but I kind of exist on tabs. Safari doesn't even tell you which tabs were the ones that it closed. Oh no. Say hi to trawling through history.
That's actually why I downloaded the Chrome for iPads. Sure it's slower than Safari. And it kind of crashes on me sometimes, but that's to be expected since it wasn't exactly tailored to iProducts. But it saves my data. Like, creepy stalker saving of data, but still. It's wonderful. My life isn't complete without a stalker who saves all my internet history.
I mean, really, I'd give up privacy for data. I'm someone who feels incomplete without her tabs. I don't know, tabs are like security blankets, ever since my mother cut up my blanky a few years back. I check my tabs all over the place - twitter, hm, google search, open ten articles, read them all, keep them all open in case I need them, hm, more manga, hm, change manga tab.
Back to the topic. I have a few other browsers. That says a lot about how much I don't like Safari. In fact, Safari is used for school tabs. And for bookmarking Apple hate!articles. Hah. Haha.
Okay so I also don't like the Safari because it keeps fucking reloading all my tabs. Like, every time I switch. Helloooooo?? Why. I mean, being out of range means no AppStore, no browsers, no ... uh, no nothin'. In fact, all you will be left with will be your eBooks, music, and downloaded manga (in my case). Let me emphasize this: YOU BOUGHT AN EXPENSIVE DEVICE TO READ BOOKS AND LISTEN TO MUSIC WITH.
Unless you have a data plan. Huh. Lucky bastards, you all.
I mean, you can't even call people. And that shit's heavy. Bulky. FRAGILE.
FRAGILE.
Personal experience: drop the iPad and the screen shatters like so much candy. It was an iPad2, which belongs to my mother. The glass would have fallen all over EVERYWHERE if it wasn't for the screen protector sticking it all in place.
You know frustration? That sick feeling you get when something just fucking refuses to work like FUCK YOU, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO WORK, NOW FUCKING WORK. An everyday occurrence with the iShitPad.
I can access blogger, sure, but I can't upload photos. Nor use the 'compose' mode. Which defeats the whole point. If I could type a coherent post with only html then I wouldn't despair every single time the html screws up and gives me white highlighting. All I know is how to make it bold and italic.
WHY WON'T YOU WORRRRKKKKK.
Rant over. I hope. The main point of the entire post: my internal conflict.
I have an iPad. I don't like it, I didn't want it. My school offered an easy way to purchase iPads. And my father bought one. Because my mother seems to think that one iShitPad2 isn't enough, she needs an iShitPad3 as well.
Being as clever and as educated as they are, they bought a 16GB 'pad with no data plan. Ingenious.
My personal files are more than 75GB.
Also motherfucking iTunes.
/facepalm/
I still get worked up when I remember this. Would it kill them to just, oh, I don't know, NOT BUY THAT FUCKING OVERRATED PIECE OF SHIT? I have a laptop, for fuck's fucking sake. It's slow and tiny and crashes, BUT IT'S FUNCTIONAL.
THINGS WORK NORMALLY ON IT.
I don't fucking have to find reroutes around idiotic problems LIKE I HAVE TO ON THE IPADFUCK.
I HAVE MOTHERFUCKING WINDOWS EXPLORER AND I CAN MOTHERFUCKING SEE WHAT SHIT I HAVE IN HERE. DO YOU HAVE THAT, PADSHIT? DO YOU??? DO YOU??????????
I couldn't even view eBooks when I didn't have iBooks installed. They didn't even tell me "YOU NEED IBOOKS, PLEASE DOWNLOAD IBOOKS, YAY MARKETING". No, it was more like "HAHAHA OOPS IT AIN'T WORKING".
Appleshit makes my skin crawl. Maybe you'd like to hear about how I can't activate iMessage because the it keeps bouncing m e back to the login screen. Or maybe you'd like to hear about how I called the local support hotline and it was closed. Or maybe you'd like to hear another couple of rants about how I wasted my life trying to make the FUCKING SHITPAD WORK.
Or perhaps you'd like to hear about how it takes 134726876 hours for a mac to save my project, and how I waited for three hours before IT CRASHED ON ME AND LOST ALL MY DATA. Three fucking times. THREE CONSECUTIVE TIMES. I even switched macs (I was in the school computer lab). Or maybe a story or two about broken iPhones. Stuck home buttons. Stuck lock button. Shattered screens. Fucking iTunes. YAY I FINALLY JAILBROKE MY IPHONE.
Those stories are true. Either it happened to me personally, or it happened to my friends or family. Fucking Apple moneysuck/timesuck.
End of another rant... I wasn't supposed to do another rant, was I?? Sorry. Got carried away.
tl;dr: I want to smash/sell my iPad but it's expensive and I need it for some classes. Also parents. ALSO FUCKING APPLE LOVERS. I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ANYMORE I'M JUST ANGRY. WHY DOES APPLE EXIST. WHY IS APPLE STILL MOTHERFUCKING SELLING THEIR SHIT???
The iSheeps are, like, scary. New phones come out every 2-3 months. New iProducts come out every year. You think that's nice? The difference is that the old iProduct becomes defunct immediately once the new one comes out. You're still using an iPhone2 now? Cue "you're so unfashionably behind the times". You're using a NokiaFGw1231237? Huh okay.
You have no excuse for choosing an iPhone2 over an iPhone4 except "it's cheaper". They look the same. The iPhone4 has a couple of new, almost useless functions. THEY LOOK THE SAME.
You can choose a Nokia E78 (or something) over a Nokia Lumia 900 because OMFGGGG KEYBOARD. Or omfggg it's a pressure-sensitive touchscreen.
Look at it. There is no possible excuse for choosing an older iPhone model over the newer one. No special shortcuts, keyboards, etc etc.
WHY are people still feeding Apple?? Well, I'm guilty too. That's why the word 'conflicted' is up there in the title. I hate Apple. But I'm feeding it. I feel hypocritical. And ashamed. So ashamed.
(I convinced my mother to get a Lumia 800 instead of an iPhone, and my friend to get a N9 instead of an iPhone. I am slightly proud of that.)
But.
Dear mother of god.
When will Apple ever end?????? I have a sneaking suspicion that it'll take over the world slowly, through insidious psychological control and dependency. And we'll be powerless. Because the Apple Lovers are feeding it money and adoration.
(I actually choke a little when I think of the iPad. Or iPhone. Or any other iProduct. Oh god, even the name is ridiculous. "i" is so over. iBlog! Ew. Anyway, I choke when I see people paying goddamn money for overpriced, borderline useless, overrated toys like the iProduct series.)
IT'S JUST PRETTY.
The situation: my school decided that all of us needed an iPad in order to facilitate better learning. Or something along those lines, I'm sure they phrased it differently. Anyway, with the school administration being as technology-illiterate as they are, they decided on the iPad3. Long story short, most of us in the school have an iPad now.
Which irks me. The fact that they even considered an iProduct irks me. Which part of inability to play flash videos do they not understand? Which part of insanely expensive, yet not really useful so they not comprehend? Which part of WHY CAN'T WE JUST USE A LAPTOP do they not see? And whose fucking idea was it to support the Apple Dictatorship and World Takeover Plan??
I feel a need to explain my intense hatred of all Apple products, but there are more than enough tech arguments already. And they're much more convincing than I'll ever be, because they know much more about technology than I'll ever know. Aka, google words like "fuck apple" or the like.
My main issue with the pretty useless toy called the iPad is its inability to play flash videos. Who the fucks doesn't use flash nowadays?? My anime, movies, blah, blahblahblah, are usually flash supported. And Apple is all like, hey man I'll just refuse to give you adobe, we cool bro?
Bottom line as I see it: no.
Also I have an issue with the AppStore. The store has various useful applications like blogger and wordpress, and a calculator - which should be default applications included in the product. But let's ignore that. Let's focus on the fact that we have to pay. Oh, not for the blogger or wordpress apps. But for every other motherfucking app.
Bottom line as I see it: we don't have such and such functions, now here are a bunch of free apps for you to play with, and don't forget to pay to get the full version!!
Please remember, students with no income of their own are unlikely to pay for things on the internet.
Oh yes, speaking of the internet. Why don't we talk about how the iPad is just a bundle of prettiness when you take away the internet? I've had mine for slightly less than a month. I find myself wanting to smash the glorified iShit every single time I walk out of range of an internet connection.
Safari closes my tabs. IT CLOSES MY TABS. Let me say that once again so that you will understand how truly terrible it is: SAFARI CLOSES MY TABS. Each time I open too many tabs, it closes a few others. It actually took me a while to realise the discrepancy between the number of tabs I opened and the number of tabs I see.
Excuse me, but I kind of exist on tabs. Safari doesn't even tell you which tabs were the ones that it closed. Oh no. Say hi to trawling through history.
That's actually why I downloaded the Chrome for iPads. Sure it's slower than Safari. And it kind of crashes on me sometimes, but that's to be expected since it wasn't exactly tailored to iProducts. But it saves my data. Like, creepy stalker saving of data, but still. It's wonderful. My life isn't complete without a stalker who saves all my internet history.
I mean, really, I'd give up privacy for data. I'm someone who feels incomplete without her tabs. I don't know, tabs are like security blankets, ever since my mother cut up my blanky a few years back. I check my tabs all over the place - twitter, hm, google search, open ten articles, read them all, keep them all open in case I need them, hm, more manga, hm, change manga tab.
Back to the topic. I have a few other browsers. That says a lot about how much I don't like Safari. In fact, Safari is used for school tabs. And for bookmarking Apple hate!articles. Hah. Haha.
Okay so I also don't like the Safari because it keeps fucking reloading all my tabs. Like, every time I switch. Helloooooo?? Why. I mean, being out of range means no AppStore, no browsers, no ... uh, no nothin'. In fact, all you will be left with will be your eBooks, music, and downloaded manga (in my case). Let me emphasize this: YOU BOUGHT AN EXPENSIVE DEVICE TO READ BOOKS AND LISTEN TO MUSIC WITH.
Unless you have a data plan. Huh. Lucky bastards, you all.
I mean, you can't even call people. And that shit's heavy. Bulky. FRAGILE.
FRAGILE.
Personal experience: drop the iPad and the screen shatters like so much candy. It was an iPad2, which belongs to my mother. The glass would have fallen all over EVERYWHERE if it wasn't for the screen protector sticking it all in place.
You know frustration? That sick feeling you get when something just fucking refuses to work like FUCK YOU, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO WORK, NOW FUCKING WORK. An everyday occurrence with the iShitPad.
I can access blogger, sure, but I can't upload photos. Nor use the 'compose' mode. Which defeats the whole point. If I could type a coherent post with only html then I wouldn't despair every single time the html screws up and gives me white highlighting. All I know is how to make it bold and italic.
WHY WON'T YOU WORRRRKKKKK.
Rant over. I hope. The main point of the entire post: my internal conflict.
I have an iPad. I don't like it, I didn't want it. My school offered an easy way to purchase iPads. And my father bought one. Because my mother seems to think that one iShitPad2 isn't enough, she needs an iShitPad3 as well.
Being as clever and as educated as they are, they bought a 16GB 'pad with no data plan. Ingenious.
My personal files are more than 75GB.
Also motherfucking iTunes.
/facepalm/
I still get worked up when I remember this. Would it kill them to just, oh, I don't know, NOT BUY THAT FUCKING OVERRATED PIECE OF SHIT? I have a laptop, for fuck's fucking sake. It's slow and tiny and crashes, BUT IT'S FUNCTIONAL.
THINGS WORK NORMALLY ON IT.
I don't fucking have to find reroutes around idiotic problems LIKE I HAVE TO ON THE IPADFUCK.
I HAVE MOTHERFUCKING WINDOWS EXPLORER AND I CAN MOTHERFUCKING SEE WHAT SHIT I HAVE IN HERE. DO YOU HAVE THAT, PADSHIT? DO YOU??? DO YOU??????????
I couldn't even view eBooks when I didn't have iBooks installed. They didn't even tell me "YOU NEED IBOOKS, PLEASE DOWNLOAD IBOOKS, YAY MARKETING". No, it was more like "HAHAHA OOPS IT AIN'T WORKING".
Appleshit makes my skin crawl. Maybe you'd like to hear about how I can't activate iMessage because the it keeps bouncing m e back to the login screen. Or maybe you'd like to hear about how I called the local support hotline and it was closed. Or maybe you'd like to hear another couple of rants about how I wasted my life trying to make the FUCKING SHITPAD WORK.
Or perhaps you'd like to hear about how it takes 134726876 hours for a mac to save my project, and how I waited for three hours before IT CRASHED ON ME AND LOST ALL MY DATA. Three fucking times. THREE CONSECUTIVE TIMES. I even switched macs (I was in the school computer lab). Or maybe a story or two about broken iPhones. Stuck home buttons. Stuck lock button. Shattered screens. Fucking iTunes. YAY I FINALLY JAILBROKE MY IPHONE.
Those stories are true. Either it happened to me personally, or it happened to my friends or family. Fucking Apple moneysuck/timesuck.
End of another rant... I wasn't supposed to do another rant, was I?? Sorry. Got carried away.
tl;dr: I want to smash/sell my iPad but it's expensive and I need it for some classes. Also parents. ALSO FUCKING APPLE LOVERS. I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ANYMORE I'M JUST ANGRY. WHY DOES APPLE EXIST. WHY IS APPLE STILL MOTHERFUCKING SELLING THEIR SHIT???
The iSheeps are, like, scary. New phones come out every 2-3 months. New iProducts come out every year. You think that's nice? The difference is that the old iProduct becomes defunct immediately once the new one comes out. You're still using an iPhone2 now? Cue "you're so unfashionably behind the times". You're using a NokiaFGw1231237? Huh okay.
You have no excuse for choosing an iPhone2 over an iPhone4 except "it's cheaper". They look the same. The iPhone4 has a couple of new, almost useless functions. THEY LOOK THE SAME.
You can choose a Nokia E78 (or something) over a Nokia Lumia 900 because OMFGGGG KEYBOARD. Or omfggg it's a pressure-sensitive touchscreen.
Look at it. There is no possible excuse for choosing an older iPhone model over the newer one. No special shortcuts, keyboards, etc etc.
WHY are people still feeding Apple?? Well, I'm guilty too. That's why the word 'conflicted' is up there in the title. I hate Apple. But I'm feeding it. I feel hypocritical. And ashamed. So ashamed.
(I convinced my mother to get a Lumia 800 instead of an iPhone, and my friend to get a N9 instead of an iPhone. I am slightly proud of that.)
But.
Dear mother of god.
When will Apple ever end?????? I have a sneaking suspicion that it'll take over the world slowly, through insidious psychological control and dependency. And we'll be powerless. Because the Apple Lovers are feeding it money and adoration.
(I actually choke a little when I think of the iPad. Or iPhone. Or any other iProduct. Oh god, even the name is ridiculous. "i" is so over. iBlog! Ew. Anyway, I choke when I see people paying goddamn money for overpriced, borderline useless, overrated toys like the iProduct series.)
IT'S JUST PRETTY.
9 July 2012
everyone reminds me every single day
that I need to conform to social norms.
Anyway. That's not the point. The point is that I exist perfectly fine without conforming to your flimsy contradictory useless social norms.
Also I like black. And blood. And blood on black things. I also enjoy reading chanslash. Twincest. How about more chains? Mmm.
Also emo is cool, intelligent is sexy sex, and being gay is a bonus. (I mean, that's what I like looking at. Or viewing...? I'm confused.)
I also regularly write disturbing pseudo-poetry about glass shards and the inner lining of throats.
That's about it, for now, because social norms are calling me. As in, no walking around in my pyjamas (I don't even have pyjamas, whatever I wear to sleep becomes my pyjamas) or turning my bed into a mini kitchen.
Fuck you and your social norms,
Rules and regulations my ass, all I need to do is to hide my insanity.
/EDIT/: Sorry, was insanely high.
Anyway. That's not the point. The point is that I exist perfectly fine without conforming to your flimsy contradictory useless social norms.
Also I like black. And blood. And blood on black things. I also enjoy reading chanslash. Twincest. How about more chains? Mmm.
Also emo is cool, intelligent is sexy sex, and being gay is a bonus. (I mean, that's what I like looking at. Or viewing...? I'm confused.)
I also regularly write disturbing pseudo-poetry about glass shards and the inner lining of throats.
That's about it, for now, because social norms are calling me. As in, no walking around in my pyjamas (I don't even have pyjamas, whatever I wear to sleep becomes my pyjamas) or turning my bed into a mini kitchen.
Fuck you and your social norms,
 |
| This is quite literally what my teacher wrote in my progress report |
Rules and regulations my ass, all I need to do is to hide my insanity.
/EDIT/: Sorry, was insanely high.
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