Silver Eternity

i don't fucking care

2012-03-11T19:40:00.001+08:00

LONG RANT ALERT.
May be incoherent.
Contains expletives.

Can't believe my CCA's having a camp in the March holidays. What the holy fuck, do they not fucking understand that we have homework? Screw CCA, who cares about it? My grades take priority, every single fucking time. Who the fuck wants to take time off doing homework for some stupid CCA camp anyway? Two fucking days, thank you very much, two fucking days LESS to do my homework. Seriously, what the fuck are they thinking? Are they even thinking? We have a WEEK of holidays, and they take two days. Percentage? 29% Why the fuck can't they fucking limit their fucking inane camps to the longer, month-long holidays? Two days from one month. Percentage: 7% Just, what the fuck. I'm never going to demand that my juniors attend some stupid motherfucking camp during a week-long holiday when they have tons of homework which is much more important than some motherfucking illogical pointless CCA. What the fucking fuck, I have lost hope in my seniors. All of them. Why can't they be logical and fucking think for once. March. MARCH. We've just started school for a little more than two months, and CAMP YAY BECAUSE I'M FUCKING RETARDED. We haven't even adjusted to the school rhythm yet and you're going to force us to attend some motherfucking camp. And we're just going to do some inane things and you're just going to scream and scream and make stupid demands and then you're going to get emotional and cry or something and we'll be forced to pretend that we fucking care so that you can fucking get on with things. I don't care, okay? I don't fucking care about any of you. I have no bonds with any of you, and I don't fucking want any motherfucking bonds with you guys because you all suck and I fucking feel nauseous at the thought of CCA. Tying knots, yay, as if we'll need to tie knots to make a desk. Be prepared, hah, as if. Are we going to carry a fucking bomb shelter everyfuckingwhere with us? Who the fuck gives a damn. Look, if I'm stranded somewhere and I need to make a raft, I'd kinda rather commit suicide. Quick and relatively painless. All your crap is so fucking worthless. What values? Who the fuck cares about being honest and reliable and trustworthy? All you have to do is to act like you're honest and reliable and trustworthy. If you're sincerely like that, then you're going to be taken advantage of. Stupid fucking bunch of nutters. And your stupid little camp. I was totally going to ask my parents to lie for me so that I can get out off this shit. Listen, I don't fucking want to spend all day running around because you say so. I don't want to sleep in sleeping bags on the concrete floor. I don't fucking want to sweat all day and then not shower. Motherfuck, who the fuck restricts people from showering when they've been sweating all fucking day? Fuck you, you motherfuckers. I really don't want to listen to your bullshit and act like I care, I don't want to pretend to tear up so that I fit in with all the other mindless motherfuckers that you've influenced. I AM NOT TOUCHED BY YOUR EMOTIONAL BULLSHIT. I don't give a damn and I never will. You fucking expect us to motherfucking learn some values. As if. Delusional. I want to stay in the comfort of my house and do homework and MOTHERFUCKING SLEEP. I honestly don't understand what the fuck is wrong with you all, organizing a camp in March. I swear, if you organize another fucking camp in June, I'm going to find all sorts of excuses not to go. I am NOT going to more than one CCA camp this year. I fucking don't care. I used to pretend, but now I'm so fed up with your idiots that I don't care if you read this post. I don't care if you realise that I hate all of you. I just don't fucking care any more. I don't care if the teachers "have a talk" with me. I'm going to tell them the truth. That this CCA is fucking pointless and I don't care. If they tell me that I should transfer, then I'm going to ask them when the fuck did it become compulsory to like something that you were forced into. If they suggest that I give feedback, then I'm going to ask them what happened to all the feedback that my entire level has been giving for the past two years. Up their fucking assholes, that's what happened to the feedback. As if feedback fucking works. Feedback doesn't work when the people asking for it don't do anything. I am disgusted. And fuck camps. I fucking hate CCA camps. The "CCA" part is fucking important. Retarded shit. I'd put grades over CCA any day. I'd also put myself first, and I do NOT fucking want to go to a camp so that I can "bond" with people by not practicing proper hygiene. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with everyone. This is not acceptable. /EDIT:/ I hope someone gets fatally injured during that camp so that there will never be another camp because the teachers will be too cautious. I am comfortable with being horrible.

What the fuck?

2012-03-10T18:52:00.000+08:00

This article refuses to link to anti-god sites to prevent them from gaining more visitors - but really, if your religious views are correct and God is the true God, you wouldn't have to fucking worry about some website stealing your believers.

It makes sense on the surface. Coca Cola would never link to Pepsi because Pepsi would steal away all their Coke fanatics.

However, this is a religion. If Christianity is truly the right way, then no one would stray away from it. Refusing to link is like telling everyone that you're insecure about your beliefs. The very fact that you're considering that Christians might be lured away shows that you yourself have entertained such thoughts.

Led astray? Really? More like refusing to provide proof. If the believers could read all the logical and well though-out arguments, I doubt they'll be believers any longer. Unless they're unde the influence of Blind Faith. Then they should use their brains.

If you're refuting someone's argument, tell me who that person is. Otherwise, I'll have no idea if you're lying. Likewise, if you're going to type out an essay about how selective a certain site is, then you should link to that site, so that you boost your own credibility.

Refusing to link is petty. Petty petty petty petty. Undeserved publicity my ass.

I link to plenty of horrible things. I do it so that people can see how unthinking the general public is. I don' see why this site can't do the same.

Petty.

An exhaustive list of passages that non-believers quote.

I don't think all the non-believers would come to the same conclusions. Also, a large percentage of non-believers used to be Christians. They went for Bible class. Seriously. I suffered years of Christianity before realising that it was all retarded and useless.

The only thing I think religion is good for is sucking up to your religious boss.

Putting effort into studying doesn't require religion. Falling in love doesn't require religion. Taking proper care of your children does not require religion. Practically nothing does. Spiritual well-being? My ass.

You can worship whatever god you want, just don't drag it into conversations, or worse, try to convert me. My parents are in denial about my loss of faith (they've been in denial for two years, and despite my vehement protests, drag me to church on Sundays. I usually read blasphemous fanfiction in church.) and that fucking sucks.

It's like saying that they can't accept who I really am. That they really can't accept me, so their brain refuses to consider the concept of me being an atheist, even though I've screamed and cried over the topic

Religion made my parents really shitty parents. If I wasn't as critical as I am, my self-esteem would probably have suffered.

Anyway, that brings me back to the issue of not linking. It's not really such a big deal, but it's a basic. You're petty. Really petty.

And you have no faith in the power of your own religion. Undeserved publicity. You don't want anyone to read it lest they be swayed. To consider that option, you must have thought about it yourself.

Me being an atheist was unthinkable to my parents - that is, the possibility was so abhorrent that they refused to acknowledge its existence. To entertain thoughts of being swayed by the anti-christ site, you must first be swayed yourself - subconsciously or otherwise.

Reading this over again, I'm not sure if I went out of point. Anyway, I was really annoyed, so I started typing.

MN Marriage Constitution

2012-03-10T18:00:00.001+08:00

It's about defining the meaning of "marriage" as something that should be between a man and a woman only. It will be voted on in the 2012 election.

I can't really understand why anyone would vote "yes" like the couple in the video. I know the standard reasons - god, reproduction, the natural order, etc - but I don't understand.

Let's talk about the video first. I hate meaningless rambles. I hate it when things that are supposed to have a point don't have a point. Like the video. Exactly like the video. It has no meaning. It's supposed to explain the reason(s) behind their vote, but apparently the definition of "reason" differs greatly from person to person.

The video shows them talking about their family. Large family. Parents. Specifically admirable, strong parents. As I watch, I wonder when they're going to get to the point. (They're voting "yes".) Family is a great thing. But I wonder at the link to the topic.

Finally, they mention God. Catholicism.

... And nothing. They spent the entire <6 minutes talking about how wonderful it is to have values (the man says "values" and never defines them) and how great their families are.

At one point the man says "it's getting harder and harder to have a traditional male/female, mother/father dynamics on a daily basis" and I feel like punching a hole through something solid.

Let me explain with real reasons, why I feel extremely disgusted by this video. I'm going to show everyone how reasoning is done.

First - the video has basically nothing to do with the topic. On the surface, at least, but I'll talk about that later. Anyway, it's pointless to make a video that doesn't even address the issue given in a straightforward manner. It's stupid. Teachers would stamp a huge red F on it without even needing to think.

This is why I'm annoyed. I just wasted about 6 minutes watching a torturously slow video that doesn't address anything properly.

Second - they are homophobes. They sound like nice, family-orientated people, but the homophobia is worrying. The video implies that if you don't have a mother figure in the family (a family of two males, perhaps) then it's really difficult to find your identity. The subtext tells you that a child in a family with two males or females as parents will not grow up properly. It tells you that same-sex marriages leads to children (procured from unknown place) and their children won't be able to find their identity.

Wait, what?

The video also strongly emphasises the need for a family. A male/female family, specifically. It implies that without a male/female family, all the happy things they've mentioned about having a family will not happen. Basically, if two males marry, they can't have many many children. They can't raise them properly. Their children will be unhappy, because unlike the couple in the video, they didn't grow up in a male/female family.

"The masculinity of just a good, supportive father who loved and supported my mother as his wife."

Great. Subtle homophobia. Again with the man/woman thing.

This whole video makes me unbearably frustrated. Indirect and unvoiced homophobia everywhere. Ugh. (I didn't imagine it. Think about what they've said. It's all there.)

Third - they brought in religion. In a weird way.

God told Adam and Eve to go and procreate. In which way does this sentence tell you that "homosexuals should not marry"? God told a man and woman to go have babies. Perhaps it was a man and woman because only that combination can produce babies. Obviously. If it was Adam and John, or Eve and Mary, then the population would die out.

But the point here is marriage. Marriage does not - DOES NOT - mean children.

The woman also said that we should all follow the rules that God laid down for us. Logic-wise, it makes no sense. If we truly followed everything in the bible, there would be a huge market for slaves, and monogamy? What monogamy? If I don't like this woman then I can simply pursue another.

But, alright, let's put it in another way. Adam and Eve should procreate. Man and women should make children together. That's the rule. Men and women are still the only ones making babies together. I don't see what she has to complain about. You still need a sperm and an egg, even with today's technology. We're still following the archaic rules that God laid down a fucking long time ago, and she ceases to make any sense.

She also says that if we start making up our own rules, then we'll ruin everything. Okay, so maybe those weren't her exact words, but the sentiment is exactly the same. This is why I hate people bringing religion into anything.

They start getting illogical. Our own rules? There are a lot of "our own rules", and I bet everything I have that they're happily following quite a few of those "our own rules".

Ew. Religion.

Now that I'm done with my hastily constructed reasons, let's move on to the real reasons they oppose same-sex marriage.

Ooops. They didn't say that in the video, did they? They've never even mentioned that such things exist. Their wording is very suggestive. Carefully phrased.

The video, if you read between the lines, is about

1) We refuse to admit the existence of homosexuals by not admitting the possibility of same-sex marriage in a video of about 6 minutes, in which we ramble on about family.

2) Without a mother and father, the child will have a horrible childhood - that is to say, homosexuals are unable to bring up children properly.

3) Marriage means children. Homosexuals are unable to procreate; and even if they did, they'd make horrible parents.

4) We are Catholics, and we will obey God - on the outdated rules stated in the Bible (I'm still unsure about its authenticity, considering how no one knows who compiled it, or how everyone magically overcame the language and time barrier) and we will make children and own slaves (selling people as livestock was prominent - very prominent) and have multiple wives (Jacob, David, etc).

5) ... I'm not sure what they're going on about any more. Maybe it's "oooh, my family is extremely large and it's awesome and yay!!!"

Dammit, I hate people like that.

http://www.evilbible.com lists the atrocities the people in the holy Bible have committed. Obviously, non-believers who wish to discredit the faith reads the Bible more closely than the believers. While the non-believers think of the logic and hidden meanings, believers dwell on the spiritual aspect while conveniently ignoring the numerous issues in the Bible.

I hope everyone votes no. I hope people will become more open-minded and logical, and I fucking hope that people will start using their brains. Marriage is commitment, not children. Love is love, and not male/female love. Everyone should be allowed to love and marry someone.

Wait, no, the word allow shouldn't even be there in the sentence. Everyone can marry who(m?)ever they love. When this sentence becomes reality, we'll all be a whole lot happier. Except for certain people, who should have been born a few centuries back.

It makes me very distressed when people start being homophobic and religious.

SHINee~

2012-03-07T21:19:00.000+08:00

╔═╗╔╗╔╗╔╗╔═╗☆
║╚╣║╚╝║║║║║║╔═╗╔═╗☆
╠╗║║╔╗║║║║║║║╩╣║╩╣
╚═╝╚╝╚╝╚╝╚╩╝╚═╝╚═╝

...It looks nice.

...I apologize...? For wasting your time.

...But it does look nice.

worrying about oneself

2012-03-06T10:55:00.001+08:00

I honestly worry about myself, sometimes.

Not sure if I'm too advanced for everyone else, or just delusional.

I also worry about my sanity. And OCPD (by this point, I'm very sure that it's an accurate description/label for my actions).

I'm going off to label all my posts now.

My Interaction with Tamara

2012-03-05T20:46:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I'll reply to something with "you're hurting my poor, fragile heart", or "oh, my heart".

And Tamara...

"You don't have a heart."

"You never had a heart."

"Aw, that cold black nothingness of your heart."

Or something to that effect.

Glad we got that sorted out.

I really love Tamara and her insight. Spending time with me must have activated her bullshit detector. XD

From left to right: Tamara, Phoebe, Me, Yonor

Just to remind everyone that Tamara is a sexy bishh. Who tells me that I have no heart. Which I don't.

P.S. Phoebe is mai waifu, and I am insanely possessive of her. Also she is insanely possessive of me, or so I like to think. Anyway, I keep trying to get her to draw yaoi for me, and she keep refusing.

2012-03-05T20:36:00.000+08:00

I'm doing my pop culture speech.

~~Which TV programme would you choose to introduce to the school; why.~~

~~Ugh. This means research.~~

~~And coming up with plausible, believable reasons.~~

~~And choosing a family-friendly show in the first place. This means no drugs. No sex. No profanities and no ... anything~~.

I hate research.

P.S. I don't think my school network blocks any site. At all. Basic sites that school networks usually block include proxy sites, fileshare sites, and ... yeah. Apparently my school is nice and open-minded - or at least logical. (This is a cool link.)

I sometimes visit other school campuses, and I usually ask my friends who go to that school for the wi-fi password. Sometimes I try to go on certain sites, only to find that it's blocked. Then I try to go there using proxies. Proxy sites are blocked too. Then I give up.

I'm just saying, my respect for the school has gone up a notch.

~~... ED is not blocked. For all they know, we might be looking at their offended page. Or something.~~

~~Definitely or something.~~

Fileshare sites? Don't you guys have starving children to deal with?

2012-03-04T19:59:00.000+08:00

/EDIT:/ I wrote this quite a while back, when MegaUpload was shut down. I thought I posted it some time ago, but apparently not. So here it is.

Disclaimer (though I doubt it's much of a disclaimer anyway)
Everything in this post is my personal opinions. What I know of the situation is restricted to the internet. I am also not of legal age. I am thus not expected to know any better, but I suppose that's a moot point? This was also typed while I was under the considerable influence of Anger.

Hello, U.S. government, I hear that you've been going after the internet lately. Like, shutting down sites with some pirated content. Amongst all the completely legal and personal content uploaded there. So, yeah, I heard you were going after those sites and seizing their servers.

So, yeah, those servers kind of contain personal and quite possibly sensitive information. And you seize them. All. No warning, no subtle approach, just go straight in and seize everything just because you're with the goddamn fucking government.

Hey, man, thought you guys were free speech advocates. I thought you guys were like, all cool with the Declaration of Independence and everything.

Sorry, dude, I was wrong. Nice work with PIPA and SOPA. Now everyone really hates you. That was, really, a stupid move. It's stupid and retarded. It's stupid and retarded because it can't be called anything other than stupid and retarded.

You know how people just love the authorities messing around with them. Yeah, like how you must have loved your parents riffling through your bag when you were otherwise occupied or something. You must've totally loved that, because that's exactly what you're doing to the internet. You think we'd enjoy that.

Like, you guys going through our personal files without any warning or notice.

Bamf! Megaupload, R.I.P...........

And all the other fileshare sites scatter. Thank you. So much. For PIPA and SOPA and closing Megaupload and indirectly (or directly) causing several other sites to close their fileshare function. Because you are all fucking assholes who can't understand how the world works. Well, at least the internet.

The only good thing that comes out of this is that everyone can finally see that the U.S. government has no idea how to deal with the internet. They can't control it. So they try to control it.

And they're the ones complaining about China's firewall.

If China's a bastard and an asshole and absolutely horrible for setting up a firewall, then your PIPA and SOPA... well...

Anyway, you guys actually think the internet's more important than starving kids or a horrible education system or, well, everything. Let me give you a clue.

NO.

People who use the internet are people who can afford a computer. They don't need you worrying about them. People who complain about piracy make millions more (just a few million less than they would've liked). They don't need you worrying about them.

People who are living on the streets. People who are orphans. People who struggle to get food.

Shouldn't you be worrying about healthcare and education and employment rates? Or trying to do something about that trillion you borrowed from China.

I'm not sure about you government guys, but here in Asia, returning what you've borrowed is a big deal.

But I digress.

Apparently, the internet is influential enough for people to worry about. Apparently, free speech is code for something else. Apparently, you would rather control the majority than care for the minority. And apparently, you're not really sure what your people actually want.

I do think that it's a rather sad situation when people all over the world start criticizing the U.S. government. It's so obviously wrong that everyone's protesting. And then out pops another bill or something about the internet.

Just look at some of the 2012 election candidates. The word hopeless doesn't do them justice. Rick Santorum and his unhealthy obsession with homosexuality. Likening man-on-man to man-on-dog. I don't even want to know about the rest. The fact that this man is still in the running says a lot about... well, everything.

It's depressing when such things happen. It's depressing when a country starts focusing on the internet rather than the real, tangible problems in real life. Healthcare, education, employment - these are a few things that many people have talk about. Work on that before clamping down on fileshare sites just because the entertainment industry wants a few more million (or billion) dollars.

I'm planning to give more money to the music industry soon, anyway.

And I still think that the government sucks. For all you know, they could be looking through every piece of sensitive material you've stored on MegaUpload. They could be listening to the music and watching the videos and calling it research or something.

I'm not saying that it will definitely happen, and I'm not saying it won't. I'm just saying that it's very suspicious when the government gets off its ass and decides to seize a whole bunch of files, then become even more suspiciously silent.

I'm also saying that it's stupid and retarded to try to pass bills like PIPA, SOPA, and ACTA. But I'm not sure that any of the politicians behind the bills are observant enough to notice the blacklash. Instead, their poor secretaries...

I hope there are still some good, intelligent politicians left. I'm getting tired of all the bullshit people come up with.

/EDIT:/ I've decided that I like insulting people.

AmonDerevex

2012-03-04T15:54:00.001+08:00

Recently, I realise with horror that the AmonDerevex account has closed.

This is what happened.

My horror was equal parts where do I find their english names now and holy shit all the embedded videos in my blog, I have to change them all.

Please excuse me while I go and weep about why anyone would think it's okay to close and delete all those wonderful videos. Please also excuse me while I smash some things while procrastinating about replacing the videos.

[I just spent ten minutes (probably less) stalking around for Iroha's Tsukema Tsukeru. It is hard work, and I am not pleased. Why the fuck would AD close that fucking account. Is a hiatus not good enough. Ugh.]

I am extremely displeased. So displeased that I can't really muster up any other emotion.

/EDIT:/ Videos have been changed. Ugh.

Confidence, self-esteem, and so on and so forth

2012-03-04T15:06:00.000+08:00

I've read many many fanfiction where the characters go through a period of self-reflection. A good, long period of angsty self-reflection.

Mainly because their sense of identity was disturbed, or they have to rethink the meaning of their life, or even because they felt unsure of something, and somehow that managed to affect their confidence and self-esteem and they turn into a wreck who basically can't do much and needs a lot - a lot - of comforting. And maybe some gay make-up sex. But that's not the point.

The point is that I can't relate.

Now, it's not that I'm criticizing them for being all weepy and indecisive. I know there are plenty of real people in the world who turn into a pile of tears when traumatic and life-changing things happen. TV shows have plenty of characters like that. I personally know a few people who dissolve (and I really mean dissolve) when stuff happens.

They're completely entitled to do that. They can break down and cry and whatever. It's totally within their rights, and I think it's logical and understandable.

The problem here, as I've said before, is that I can't relate. I simply can't.

Let me give you an example. Millions of teenagers online would be hurt if someone sent them hate mail. Very vicious hate mail. Asking them to die. Or something. Anyway, they'll be hurt and they'll be sad. A large percentage of them would probably be depressed.

If the hate mail continued, some of the teenagers would probably sink into depression and consider suicide. They lose their sense of identity (or something, I'm not sure about that) and, well... something about who am I, why was I born, what is my purpose in life, maybe I should just die.

Okay. Their response would be something involving that.

My response would be a cutting reply going along the lines of every single word you just wrote is wrong and you are wrong and I am right and I love myself. I've actually done this before, several times. I find it fun to compose replies to hate mail. I enjoy getting hate mail.

I think my response says a lot about me. Either I'm an attention whore (which might not be that far off the mark, but it sounds bad) or I'm really well-adjusted and comfortable in my own skin and confident and ... you get it.

I don't do soul-searching. I mean, yes, I do that occasionally, but it's not an in-depth kind of thing. When I'm facing a moral dilemma (rarely; I usually just go along with whatever gets me what I want) I'll do a little soul-searching, but it's not deep or inspiring or weepy or anything.

It's not that I'm too stupid to do that, or that I'm too well-adjusted to need to do that. It's just that I mainly don't care.

I mean every bit of those two words.

I'm fine with who I am. I am, frankly, not interested in being a better, more enlightened, and spiritually whatever person. I know what I want - that is to say, superficial things like beauty and money and intelligence, and maybe some emotional things like happiness. Like, happiness. Basically, I want to be happy.

Wow, okay, I think I've realised that I'm a very self-absorbed person. Selfish. Definitely. Anyway.

I feel perfectly fine with screwing other people over for what I want (if the "screwing over" part doesn't mess with other people's idea of me and thus affect my future choices and/or opportunities... I think too much for my age.) So - not interested in becoming a better person for the good of mankind.

Honestly, while everyone's talking about global warming and saving the earth for future generations, my brain's going as long as I don't suffer, I don't care about future generations.

Maybe another bit of my brain's going it'll be rather interesting if the earth became a barren wasteland during my life, though.

... And I think I'm past the point of Weird and straight into Disregard for Personal Well-being.

BACK TO THE TOPIC.

I don't think about the future, or morals, or difficult choices, because I trust myself enough to know that I'll make the choice when the time comes. No, I am not being mushy and emotional. It's a fact - I know that I'll be able to deal with stuff, somehow, so I'm not going to worry too much, and anyway, it's too much work.

It's kind of good and not good at the same time. For one, I'm not going to have a long angsty period of self-reflection, which would make life easier for everyone because they won't have to deal with a weepy mess of Helen. But on the other hand, I'm not going to mature very much. (Moot point, though, I believe I'm already very mentally mature, I'm just lacking the experience.)

So, anyway. The whole post came about because I was reading a fanfiction and I was rolling my eyes at how the characters are killing themselves emotionally because they're not really sure of their identity and/or what to do with themselves.

(I had a mental picture of Lelouch staring into my soul, then snorting and saying, "You're really very... self-centred, aren't you?")

Stress and/or Dehydration

2012-03-03T18:55:00.000+08:00

I keep having nosebleeds lately. I have no idea why.

The pile of bloody tissues that I've accumulated today.

Before you ask, yes, that's real blood. As to why it isn't appropriately red - I have some issues with haemoglobin. Iron deficiency, if I'm not wrong. I took a bunch of blood tests last year.

School here starts in January, and last month (Feb) I had a nosebleed. I was in the toilet, and I turned around, and suddenly blood was dripping from my nose onto the tiles. As to why there isn't a photo of that - I'm more concerned about stopping the bleeding than taking pictures to validate my claims.

A few days ago, at school, I was sitting in the auditorium when I had a nosebleed. Again. Some seniors sitting behind me offered me a packet of tissues, which I kind of snatched from their hands. And I didn't say thanks. As to why I didn't show any gratefulness - I was very very preoccupied with preventing the blood from dripping onto my all-white uniform. I value a clean uniform more than the happiness of some unknown seniors.

And today, at home...

Well, I had two nosebleeds. The picture of the bloody tissues is from the second nosebleed.

There's this (and this too) article which says that nosebleeds (also known as epistaxis) are a sign of stress. Something about blood pressure and stuff. I kind of think this theory might be true, because I haven't had any nosebleeds for about two years or more. The past two years were relatively stress-free. This year is definitely not.

When I say "stress-free", it simply means that I don't have to work at all to get good results. It does not indicate my stress level in the least.

I'm severely stressed out. I'm not someone who shows signs of stress. I'm not someone who even thinks about stress. I prefer to think about how angry and sleep-deprived my homework and schedule makes me, and spend my time being hateful to innocent children.

But this year - oh, dear god, fuck. I haven't adjusted to the new schedule, the new classmates, or the new... everything. And I have to take notes.

Take notes, I say. I do not take notes. I stare blankly into space or maybe write fanfiction during class, but I do not take notes. It says a lot about my current situation if I've started taking notes, of all things.

This means that I have to study (a little) to get my marks. Which I do not like. At all. It stresses me out.

Or something.

I can't really think straight right now because I'm a little dizzy from the blood loss. I'm serious.

Anyway, I know that I'm a lot more stressed this year.

Or maybe I'm dehydrated. I'm always rushing off to do stuff at school (mostly copying homework) so I hardly drink water. But I drink two glasses of water in the morning, and I drink a bottle of carbonated drink during lunch, and I drink more water when I get home.

I'm not sure. It could be enough or it might not be.

...

I'm just going to end this post here. I'm not sure what the point is, or if this post is actually going somewhere, but I'm really dizzy and my fingers are tired.

My PESA Speech

2012-02-29T21:16:00.001+08:00

PESA stands for Plain English Speaking Award. It's supposed to be today, after school, but I had German class so I couldn't go, even though I was nominated by my class.

So here's my speech. I'm bored, and this blog is feeling very neglected. Am watching The Last Note as I type this.

My speech:

Q4 “Before God we are all equally wise – and equally foolish”? (Albert Einstein) Share what you understand of this statement.

Albert Einstein was the classic picture of a mad scientist – white hair and a perpetually surprised expression. However, his famous quote, “Before God we are all equally wise – and equally foolish”, is far from a statement typical of a scientist. It is rather paradoxical, as “wise” is an antonym of “foolish”.

Today, I am here to share about what I understand of this cryptic sentence.

Firstly, we have to look at what Einstein means by “God”. As it is well-known that he criticized both personal gods – such as those worshipped in Islam and Christianity – and atheism, which is the belief that Gods do not exist, it can be rather difficult to ascertain what exactly Einstein meant.

I believe that Einstein did not mean a conventional God. I am of the opinion that he intended for “God” to represent infinite knowledge, and that he likens knowledge to a timeless and impartial God in the quote. Knowledge will never cease to exist, and knowledge favours no one.

Thus, we come to the second part of the given quote: that all men are equally wise.

An inherent part of human life is the pursuit of knowledge. We have kindergartens, secondary schools, and universities, which are all institutes dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge. In knowing that we do not know enough, we are wise.

Socrates’ quote, “I know that I do not know”, complements this. Any being, who, in the understanding that he does not possess enough information, seeks information, is considered wise – and as all humans seek information, we are all wise, to an extent. Whether we are a five year old child or an eighty year old man, we all yearn for more knowledge – this trait is displayed in all humans, regardless of age or profession.

This, then, is why men are equally wise, before the timeless and impartial thing called knowledge.

Now, we come to the last part of the quote: that all men are then equally foolish.

All of us, no matter how old or educated, think that we know something that others do not. For example – arguments. In trying to convince another that we are correct and they are wrong, we are assuming that we know better than them – that we are qualified to “fix” their way of thinking. Often, this assumption is wrong.

Thinking that we know better than others – this is a trait that all human beings possess.

We know nothing, but act as if we know everything. To someone of a higher level, we would seem ridiculous, in the same way that a master chess player might be amused by a novice’s attempt at strategy.

Even as we chase after enlightenment, we consider ourselves informed. In not knowing that we are ignorant, we are foolish.

Thus, in front of God – Einstein’s word for maximal and infinite knowledge – we are all equally foolish.

In conclusion, Albert Einstein’s quote, “Before God we are all equally wise – and equally foolish”, as I understand it, is about how men know that they do not know, yet tell themselves that they do know, all while pursuing what they do not know – a simplified paradox that is no less of a paradox.

An Affliction Called Inadequacy and How it Eventually Went Away

2012-02-18T20:41:00.002+08:00

I was reading hyperbole and a half when I suddenly, very suddenly and very acutely, felt a sense of inadequacy. It wasn't the everyday sort of inadequacy that all human beings face, the sort that only people who have too much money and too little conscience can escape. No, this was a crippling sort of inadequacy, ugly and really really painful, to say the least.

I became convinced that I sucked. I sucked, and that I still suck, despite reading thick novels about questionable things and browsing the huge internet archive of even-more-questionable things. I became convinced that I was ignorant and childish and selfish (okay, so maybe this one was already a given). I felt insufficient and inadequate (I should stop using this word). I became convinced that my writing was complete and utter shit, and that no one cared about me or my long,emotional rants about strange topics.

Ironically (and here I paused and thought about whether I was using "ironically" correctly and whether I even knew what irony was, before deciding that I didn't give a fuck and that since the word looked and sounded nice at that spot, I shouldn't try to remove or change it), it was hyperbole and a half that pulled me out of this little bout of depression.

Well, the blog's readers, specifically.

Hyperbole and a half's authoress is someone who has something of a compulsive need to correct others' grammar. It's kind of repeated several times in the blog, and I picked up on it precisely because I have the same horrible, tragic habit. I'm not exaggerating - it really is tragic. It hurts my self-confidence, when other people roll their eyes when I correct their grammar for the, like, millionth-and-god-knows-how-many time.

Anyway, I was pitying myself quite a lot when I decided to scroll down and read the comments. I thought that maybe there would be other people, who, like me, had read the blog and suffered from an acute feeling of worthlessness. I expected the comments to go along the lines of "I felt so very worthless after reading your humourous and exciting posts that I shall proceed to delete every single blog post I have ever made and that I will never write again because in no way will I ever match up to your godly skills".

Instead, I found a plethora of people commenting about how insanely funny, how insanely gifted, and how insanely awesome the authoress is. That's reasonable. Her writing is good. It makes me laugh.

What does not make me laugh, however, are the many many many many many many comments missing the critical element called Grammar.

... Or, maybe, it does make me laugh a little. But it simultaneously makes my insides shrivel up, and I kind of doubt anyone can laugh while experiencing that particular brand of agonizing pain.

Did I mention that bad writing causes me pain? Physical pain? Physical discomfort? Physical violence towards to writer of that piece of bad writing?

No? Perhaps I should mention it again. Bad writing = violence, from me to you with much love.

Sometimes it's mental violence. I'll glare at the person (or my laptop screen) and think a lot of unhappy, bloody thoughts. I'll crumple whatever piece of paper that I'm holding at that time and clench my teeth while cursing the person to the High Heavens (mainly because Heaven is like my personalised version of Hell, for many reasons that are not relevant right now).

Well, most of the time. I'm a teenage girl who detests sports, and while that works for writing long, angsty posts on my blog, it hardly allows me to bash a bodybuilder's head. (No offence if you're a bodybuilder, I just needed an example where no degrees are required - or is there a bodybuilders' special bodybuilder university, I don't know.)

Back to the comments. They snapped me out of my cycle of feeling inadequately inadequate and made me cringe, which, while rather uncomfortable, was preferred to feeling worthless and short (which I kind of am).

I began scrolling and laughing, and scrolling and laughing... more scrolling and laughing...

And I thought, their comments must cause the authoress quite a lot of discomfort. She's said that she has a compulsive need to correct other people's grammar, which I don't believe is much of a hyperbole, which means that the comments- the commenters who lack a proper grasp of grammar - must cause her a lot of discomfort.

And I thought, how ironic. (Once again I am unsure about the exact use of "irony" and once again I've found that I really don't give a damn.) Her blog post about grammar has attracted so many people, people who don't use proper grammar, and they're commenting about how they can absolutely relate to her compulsive need to correct other people's grammar.

Ha, I thought. Ha ha ha ha ha hahahahaha.

Goodbye, crippling feelings of inadequacy.

I feel perfectly fine again - a.k.a. really fucking selfish and self-centered and too full of myself to care about anyone else... am I repeating myself? Whatever, I'm awesome.

An all-caps post because it gets on my nerves

2012-02-12T18:12:00.000+08:00

NO!

STOP IT!

JUST STOP IT.

IT'S AND ITS

ARE TWO

VERY

DIFFERENT THINGS

STOP FUCKING MIXING THEM UP

EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME

THE

APOSTROPHE

FUCKING

MATTERS

BITCH

WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT

IT MAKES ME PHYSICALLY UNCOMFORTABLE

JUST STOP

FUCKING FUCK

YOU ARE SO MUCH OLDER THAN ME

HAVE YOU NEVER GONE TO SCHOOL

JUST PLEASE

UGH

(Note: I think it's very likely that I have some mild form of OCPD or something. I mean, I need to sort notes by their value. They also have to face the same way. And let's not talk about grammar.)

Oh, Motherfuck

2012-02-01T22:20:00.000+08:00

I can't stand my CCA, I really can't. This tuesday they made us do footdrill, and one of the basic things is to align (which is understandably important, but way overstressed and not thought through enough). We have to tilt our heads up and to the right. And then stay there for however long they decide to make us stay like that.

I can't really think straight right now. I'm already too overstressed by all my homework and tests, but no, they need to add another thing.

Align, align, they say over and over. So who the fuck is the one not aligning, because from my point of view everyone's aligned. We have to stay like that because they expect us to magically understand who's not aligning while not moving our heads.

Thus the left side of my neck and shoulders were totally overstrained. The muscles hurt like fuck.

I can't turn my head to the left at all. At ALL. It just hurts so much. I also can't tilt too up, can't tilt too down, can't slouch too much, can't sit too straight. Basically, I'm a little paralysed from my waist up. The muscles fucking hurt even when I'm sitting properly.

It's not just a little muscle pain. I'm not motherfucking whining about this, I am deathly serious.

IT. HURTS.

I had third language classes today, so I couldn't see a doctor, but I will. Tomorrow. If my schedule allows me to. And I motherfucking bet that the doctor will recommend that I shouldn't participate in physical activities.

I know what normal muscle aches feel like, okay? This is not normal. It feels so motherfucking wrong. I'm being tortured. I can't sleep properly and I can't move properly. I can't motherfucking do anything properly or partially comfortably because of the motherfucking footdrill.

I've been in agony for an entire day, motherfuck, the pain is driving me out of my mind. It's not a sharp pain that you can press away. It's a dull residual pain THAT IS ANNOYING LIKE MOTHERFUCK.

Maybe I should email come random specialist in human action (there was a specific term, but fuck, my mind id clouded with pain and all that shit) and ask them check the routines. I'm pretty sure staying in that 'aligning' position for prolonged periods of time isn't physically correct. Or whatever shit.

I'm suffering every single fucking second because I can't motherfucking get any motherfucking relief. None. This is the WORST kind of pain. I can't take this kind of pain. Ugh. I can't. It's driving me insane. I can't feel comfortable anywhere. If my neck's comfortable (e.g. lying down on my particular side) then my body isn't. If my body's comfortable then of course my neck isn't.

I can't stand them. They've been through these things before (my seniors) like, obviously. I don't understand why they haven't tried to change or empathise. Discipline? Maybe lower your expectations until they're physically possible.

Sheesh. Seriously. Align, align, align. And we're expected to magically align. (We're not allowed to look down at our feet. And we're supposed to align our feet. To within centimeters.)

Such great logic.

Great logic that is causing me much suffering and hatred right now.

Thank you.

Because I feel particularly poisonous today because.

DUH.

DL LINK - Tsukema Tsukeru

2012-01-24T11:57:00.002+08:00

TBH I didn't like her version at first. (Mostly cause it was too soft, blame all the noise that never ceases... what the fuck am I talking about anyway.)

I heard Iroha's version first, and fuck, the cuteness is just. Ugh. Too much.

/EDIT:/ Amonderevex closed her account, so I'm linking directly to NND. You need an account to view it.
http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm16671284

This is Rin's version.

The links, as usual, are up on mediafire, because Megaupload got shut down and everything and fuck my life I still have stuff that I wanted but never downloaded so what do I do now I need my yaoi please please.

Iroha's adorable version.

Rin's version.

Kyary's version.

Re: Megaupload (and the Regression of the U.S.)

2012-01-21T16:27:00.001+08:00

Basically, the video's about:

1. Megapload's servers were seized and now They know who's downloaded or uploaded anything and They're coming to get you.

2. It's $150, 000 per infringed work. So bye college, house, and everything else.

3. The number of prisons and the number of people imprisoned have increased by a ridiculous amount.

4. Also if you get extradited to America you're going to be in jail 5EVA and do manual labour for 25 cents per hour.

5. Yes, They can extradite you. To Them. And make you work. For Them.

6. Thus America is shit. Thus America's tourism is shit.

7. No one should ever come to America because it is a shitty place for tourism because you're just going to get fucking arrested.

8. No business should ever operate in America because you're just going to get fucking arrested.

9. Big businesses in The Industry are behind sites like BitTorrent and stuffs. That's why Megaupload gets killed but they don't.

10. Children are getting executed while organizations try to stop people from sharing stuff online.

11. It is a shitty place and you'd better avoid it like, like, oh, I don't know, JUST AVOID THAT MOTHERFUCKING SHIT.

Because U.S. is really awesome now.

And, 12. They're making college kids and single moms pay money. Cause they're greedy assholes.

13. We are all screwed. Mass suicide please.

I love the video. It is the best. Ever. The best video on the subject I've ever seen.

Except the part about Obama. I think Obama's pretty cool.

Remeber Dirpy.com?

2012-01-21T15:48:00.000+08:00

Remember it? The youtube downloader. The really awesome one.

If you don't, this was the desperate post I made after it mysteriously went down and closed one day.

Anyway, I randomly googled 'youtube download' today and it popped up. I clicked on it excitedly, because, fuck, it's dirpy.

Apparently it's back up. I don't know when. I don't care. It's back up, my life is now minus one gaping hole of insecurity and whatever.

Dirpy.com is like, geez, I don't even know. When it closed I kind of went into shock and was miserable for the better part of a month. Or something. I can't remember, not specifically, but it was a sad, sad thing.

But it's up, so yeah, I'm happy, blah, blah, everything, whatever.

2012-01-20T22:00:00.003+08:00

DON'T CLICK THE LINKS

https://twitter.com/#!/search/realtime/http%3A%2F%2Fpastehtml.com%2Fview%2Fblakyjwbi.html

/EDIT:/ Was supposed to be a note to myself. But whatever.

Because they're all retards

2012-01-20T21:59:00.000+08:00

So Megaupload's gone. And Anonymous has gone on a revenge rampage (apparently, DoJ, RIAA, MPAA, and Universal Music, among some others).

I'm thinking that if all the fileshare sites get taken down, whatever I'm paying for my broadband is pretty much useless. I mean, I use it for only about two hours every day. School. CCA. Projects. Third language. Everything.

I don't even know what I'm feeling right now, I'm just pissed at ... UGH. I feel so messy inside.

See, this is a prime example of how retarded SOPA is. Megaupload's a Hong Kong based thing. Because they have a couple of servers in Ashburn, the authorities can do stuff and shut down the entire shit. Alleged pirated stuff in a leased server in Ashburn from a Hong Kong based site, so the authorities can fuck shit up.

Really? Really now? So if SOPA goes into effect, stuff scarier than this could happen, more often? Because they're assholes and they made laws that will fuck up everything globally?

It's over the top, this Megaupload thing, because they closed the entire site. If they (U.s. government and co) seized the servers in the U.S. then I can't complain. Pretty much no one can complain. They can do that, it's in their own country.

But the entire, ugh, motherfucking, ugh.

I'm kind of happy about the huge Anonymous rampage. Personally, because it makes me happy. It's like an embodiment of everyone's hatred for SOPA and PIPA and stuffs. Since most internet users are... um. Can't hack.

But I'm worried about putting too much trust in Anonymous. I mean, 'hacking' is hard. There is a reason why most people stare and go 'huh?' at code. If, one day, Anonymous, ugh.

I can't think properly.

This kind of shit screws up all kinds of stuff. Healthcare and education take a backseat to money now? How does that even make sense?

Sometimes (eg times like this) I kind of wish I'm in the U.S. just so that I can call up everyone in the Senate.

But, ugh.

I rarely feel this emotional. But fuck, this is the internet. The internet is what I'm using to post this right now. The internet is how I pass my classes.

Fuck those assholes, ugh.

SOPA is Absurd

2012-01-18T21:04:00.001+08:00

http://mashable.com/2012/01/17/sopa-dangerous-opinion/

Because everyone needs to understand.

So apparently we all might be classified as felons.

For ~~breathing~~ using the internet.

The stupid bill affects everyone - it affects the entire internet. Obviously it affects everyone. I'm in Asia. I was born in Asia and I still stay in Asia. And the bill fucking pisses me off because it affects me - to a horrifying degree.

Because honestly, who doesn't use youtube? Or facebook. Or twitter.

I hope the bill (if it's ever passed, god forbid) comes back and bite their asses. I mean, I love watching people being tortured by their own insensible and idiotic actions. I love laughing at those people.

That aside, I hope that never happens. I seriously, really hope that SOPA disappears into the recesses of some retard's asshole and never sees the daylight again, ever.

I have yet to see a single person on the internet commending SOPA. (Because it's a truly despicable thing that needs to be crushed utterly before it spreads its madness even more than it already has.)

Because fuck SOPA and everyone behind it and everyone who thinks that it's a good idea.

Sheesh I hate having to come up with witty titles for posts

2012-01-16T21:10:00.001+08:00

I'm going to attempt to join some creative arts writing seminar something something - it's supposed to be rather prestigious, hence the three hard copies of my application form and five works...

Something...

... The heat is seriously killing off my brain cells. 31 degrees Celsius, 88 degrees Fahrenheit.

Perfect for dying spontaneously.

Anyway, that camp seminar thingy. I'd post my five works up here, but I don't want them randomly googling things (I'm being paranoid) and looking at my online life (which involves words not commonly said in front of authority figures) and disqualifying me because I offend them.

Because I think I offend quite a lot of people.

Anyway, I'm going to change the blog layout and style and everything, cause I'm bored, and then I'll retreat back into my room and turn on the a/c.

I'm not really very humourous or... Yeah, the heat makes me wilt, somewhat...

An Excuse Post

2012-01-15T21:57:00.000+08:00

Wow so this is my first post of 2012 and I realise that I really kind of suck because I can't seem to stop procrastinating and tumblr keeps sucking away all the time I have and also I need to sleep because I have school and if I don't sleep I'll die and I really don't want to die and I require toilet breaks and food and yes I need foood

Ignore all the cancelled parts. It isn't important. At all. Trust me.

So, yes, 2012. Somehow I was put in a good class (despite my crappy GPA of 3.2 when everyone else in the class has like 3.5 or 3.8 or even freaking 4.0) and... yeah., that's it. (My combination is Physics, English Literature, and third language, in addition to Maths and Additional Maths and English and Chinese and CID3 and everything ~~fuck my life~~.)

Yeah.

Class is really boring. I have undone German homework. My classmates don't want to group with me because I am such a leech.

Everything's just fine.

Oh, yes, except for my random bouts of slight depression. During which I cry in my room with the lights off at night (I believe I've griped about that on twitter quite a lot).

And my random bouts of fuck you lol I DON'T CARE ANYMORE BITCHES.

Yes, everything's perfectly fine. There's no need to worry.

But if you absolutely have to worry about something, then worry about my memory. This post was supposed to be an "excuse post" where I list my excuses for forgetting to post. But I did this instead.

I don't even know what this is.

I think I should go get some sleep.

I Go Through Brief Periods of Obsession

2011-12-22T21:46:00.000+08:00

It might be a food, a song... an anime series...

I'll be infatuated, briefly (or in the case of Code Geass, infatuation for life) and eat live breathe it for a little while. If it's a song, I put it on repeat for two, three entire days. I listen to it for five hundred times consecutively. Then I lose interest and forget about it.

If it's a food, I crave it totally. I eat and eat and eat. Then I get sick of it. (Exceptions are tomatoes and seaweed.)

And anime series... I follow it like a rabid fangirl, lose interest, and pick it up again late just because I wanted to know what happens in the end.

I'm just saying, it's annoying. I annoy myself.

Anyway, this kinda means that I'll be bored in between the bouts of infatuation. It's not that neat - ending one infatuation and picking up another immediately.

When I'm bored, I start thinking myself to death. I think about everything. I imagine millions of scenarios. Literally, I feel depressed when I do that. That might be overthinking, but anyway. it sucks. A lot.

I have to do stuff so that I don't become depressed because I'm too bored. I mean it. I twitch compulsively. Foot tapping. Like, the entire package.

.......................

Okay , I'm finishing up Ao no Exorcist as I type this, so I'm kinda distracted. It's boring and doesn't move fast enough, but whatever. I'm following the manga, but I wanna watch the anime too just in case there's other stuff.

Also, Fukuyama Jun voices Yukio.

As in, the same voice actor who voiced Lelouch Lamperouge.

So, ta-ta, off I go now.

EOY2011

2011-12-18T22:36:00.002+08:00

[Strategically leaving this blank for the moment because of certain people. *Flails* NO NO PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I DIDN'T LIE.]

Sometimes You Get Jealous

2011-12-12T20:49:00.000+08:00

We've all seen the blogs about pretty girls who ditch school, have trouble passing Maths, and pierce everything.

They're skinny and pretty, don't seem to be addicted to food, appear older than they are, and hang out with guys. But they also have trouble passing subjects, ditch school whenever they want, and university? Never, unless they bribe a lot of important people with a lot of money.

But you get jealous. A little. You don't want to admit it. But really, that kind of idyllic lifestyle is kind of fun. Sounds cool.

It's not that your life sucks. You look fine. You eat food. You occasionally talk to people of the opposite gender. Your grades hover around good and okay, you don't ditch school unless you can wrangle a doctor's note, and university, with some studying, is really quite achievable.

But sometimes being a little stupider and just doing whatever the hell you want without any regard for the future is... desirable.

... Okay, okay, I've just caught myself scrolling through the blog of a girl who's the same age as me, reading her posts, which all have unbearably horrible sentences structure and spelling and... Grammar? Has she heard of grammar? Has she heard of proper legible spelling?

She's pretty, yes.

At first I tried to pass it off as curiosity, which, kind of, failed to explain why I was clicking the 'older posts' link. Surely, surely curiosity doesn't make one suffer through that much pain. (Spelling, grammar, sentence structure, I'm crying.)

Then I realised that I was just a little bit jealous.

Oh god.

How could I...?

Of her...?

I was repulsed, a little. I went 'eww'. Her. Who only has a pretty face.

End of story: I thought about it, rationalized, and thought about it some more. My jealousy disappeared. Although, to tell the truth, I wonder what it would be like to walk around with as empty a head as hers. It would be terrific, goodbye all the logical reasons and worries for the future, and all the endless thoughts that annoy me endlessly with how they endlessly swirl around and never cease.

(The real reason why I went 'eww': She goes to a school which I might have entered, if I had been a lot less intelligent.)

Love You Forever by Robert Munsch

2011-12-12T19:40:00.001+08:00

You can read it here, but there are no illustrations: http://www.rogerknapp.com/inspire/loveforever.htm

This is a children's book, about a mother who rocks her child to sleep, singing,
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.

It's fine in the beginning - what any normal mother will do. Then it gets a little strange. The little tyke does all kinds of shitty things, and then the mother will invariably become pissed. But at night, she'll always crawl across the floor and rock him to sleep.

On and on. Even when he's an adult and has moved out.

Then she falls ill, calls him to visit, and he does. She sing him the song, but doesn't manage to finish because she's too ill. At which point the boy picks her up and rocks her and sing a different version of the song, where the last two lines are substituted by,
As long as I'm living
my Mommy you'll be.

He goes home, picks up his daughter, repeats what his mother used to do to him.

Let me stress that she rocks him to sleep every night.

Every.

Night.

A lot of people find it sweet and heartwarming. They say that it's not meant to be taken literally, that what it actually means is that mothers will always love their children.

I'm sorry, but I don't think children aged one and up (http://www.amazon.com/Love-You-Forever-Robert-Munsch/dp/0920668372) understand how to take things metaphorically.

Now, time for my theory.

Instead of a mother's love, this is a story about a mother's abuse.

No, see, it all makes sense. Shush, let me explain.

When the boy was young, his mother abused him. It might have been his father or uncle or whoever, but it's not important. Someone in his family abused him - any kind of abuse works, but let's just say it's physical. They beat him.

And he grows up, lashes out, as a result of that abuse, and oh look, they're still abusing him. I'm going to substitute the rocking for beating, and the song for abuse - like, she beat him everyday, instead of she rocked him to sleep everyday.

He grows. He becomes a rebellious teenager. Of course it's because she abused him! Why else - and she keeps on abusing him.

I'm starting to like my version more and more.

He moves out. But his mother follows him - in the original story, she still rocks him to sleep every night, even though he's rather far away now and it theoretically isn't plausible for her to still rock him to sleep every night. In my version, he still has nightmares about the abuse and that experience never truly leaves him.

Get it? The parallels?

She falls ill. Calls him for a visit. Still the same abusive mother, so the guy is like, fuck all, I'm pissed, you abused me and I'm pissed. So what? Remember that scene where he sing her song back to her? In my version he's taking some slightly violent revenge.

Oh, oh, and remember how abuse victims often become abusers themselves? Yes?

See it now? He repeats it all to his daughter.

Hah.

(Also, the main reason why I'm completely freaked out and creeped out by this story - the crawling part. remember the crawling part - is this. The illustration.)

I will never let a child read this.

... Excuse me, I need to go and lock my door and windows, and then maybe huddle in a corner and cry a little because that book is terrifying and disturbing and oh god she's crawling - )

/EDIT:/ I find this link funny, especially this comment:

Jane Yolen
I am a hugger, too. I am sentimental. I am gooey over my first grandchild. I adore my grown children. BUT
I find LOVE YOU FOREVER to be about an incredibly dysfunctional family, with a mother who infantilizes her child, invades his private space, never can say "I love you" when he is awake, and even when he is grown manages his life. I am convinced she drugs his cocoa, otherwise why does he sleep so soundly when she crawls (!) into his room and picks him up every single night.
And when the teenage daughter awakes one night and finds her father holding her in his lap, she is going to call 911.
Nope--this one is a very dangerous book. IMHO. And not at all amusing.

http://www.fairrosa.info/disc/loveyouforever.html

AFA2011

2011-11-17T20:56:00.000+08:00

So I bought some neko ears and the thingy that cats wear... you know... the thing with bells...

Ugh. Anyway, it was totally awesome, what with squishing riiight behind Kaname and Usagi on day two for the regional cosplay championships. I mean, like, SQUISHING. With my large heavy camera. And a Rin right in front of me, so that I couldn't actually extend my lens in case she poked it with her elbow or something.

Anyway, I was kinda stalkerish and took many many photos of Kaname and the sexy Usagi with my very very extendable lens - don't ask. Somehow I managed to find my way around that Rin's elbow.

I took like almost four hundred photos. It included an awesome Victorique from Gosick - link and link.

By the way, Facebook's being much more bitchy than usual and refusing to let me upload my day two pics, which are more awesome, I think, despite the fact that my camera was running out of batt fast. I mean, I wasn't allowed to go, and then I started crying, so my parents let me go - hehehehehe. Yeah so it meant that I didn't have time to charge the camera (a nikon, I think, I have a really bad memory).

Umm so I went over to find Yonor and Izumi, and took a bunch of photos. They were Euphemia and Anya on day one, and I was like, Code Geass! I love Code Geass so much, so so much. They were, uhm, Luka and Miku on day two... uh, Camellia, I think.

Hmm but I basically walked around with Tamara and Phoebe and Mike, stalking cosplayers with our cameras. It was fun. Even though my feet hurt.

-post is unfinished, because I'm lazy like that-

SLEEP

2011-11-01T20:54:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night, I went to bed at 10pm. After falling asleep for a little while (I presume I did indeed fall asleep) I woke up again and became pissed about how I couldn't get back to sleep - I was tired as fuck after an entire day outside with my class but hell if my brain was going to let me sleep.

Oh, so guess what, it was 11.40pm when I finally decided to give up and look at the time. I thought that it'd be closer to 3 or 4 in the morning, but it was barely two hours after I went to bed.

Great, so I tossed and turned and fucking fumed before I completely gave up at about 12. This meant that I got out of bed and read manga until 3.15am.

Then I went to bed. And slept. Until 7am.

It seems like it's only one day, but these kind of things happen every single fucking time. Every fucking night, (or something like that, I have a bad memory) I wake up and spend too much time trying to get back to sleep. I wake up about three times per night. I always wake up before my alarm. I can never fall asleep within an hour.

Also, it seems like most of my sleep time is spent half-aware of whatever dream I'm having. Which, however nice it sounds, is shitty. I know it's cool to be able to be awake and asleep at the same time. But when you're tired as fuck, no. JUST NO.

I want to sleep normally okay? I don't want any stupid panda eyes. No more panda eyes.

Another thing is that I can function normally even if I sleep three hours a night (function as in I don't fall asleep standing up etc, can hold conversation etc, and can actually make logical decisions). I have no idea if it means I'm just awesome and efficient and don't need to sleep that much, or my definition of 'function' is too lax.

IDK but Phoebe seems to fall asleep everywhere even if she sleeps five hours. Like, seriously sleep. I find it hard to fall asleep anywhere, including my own fucking bed. MY OWN BED. UGH.

I think I compensate by lazing around on my bed the entire day. It makes me feel more rested. Somehow.

Oh god, I need to write something, but I'm either too tired to use my brain or too busy to sit down. Thinking of original stuff requires more brainpower than reading others' stuff. Right? Right.

I think I'm just rambling here. I have no fucking idea why I even started this post, but since I've started it I might as well post it up. GDI my holidays, my holidays, why are my holidays so packed? CIP and ROD and training camp and oh my fuck just thinking about it makes my brain hurt somewhat.

By the by, Dr. Seuss is just fucking creepy. His books give me nightmares. Kids should never read them. And no, I've never thought that it was spelled "Suess". That's just wrong.

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2011-10-14T20:45:00.003+08:00

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-Sincerely, Youtube

FUCK YOU. Fuck you, okay? This is discrimination. Discrimination against the generation of a faster rhythm than you're used to, you old coots. I demand an explanation. I demand a tear-filled apology about how extremely wrong you were to show me this kind of shit and then -

- AND THEN MAKE ME TYPE A FUCKING CAPTCHA.

We've talked about this before, Youtube. You need to catch up. Our shorter attention spans are obviously detrimental to your financial situation in some way, which must be why you're making us type the fucking captchas, but guess what, darling Youtube.

We no give fucks.

We want videos. No captchas.

No "too many comments" captchas, no "large volume of requests" captchas. Because fuck you, you're making us spend more time typing captchas than doing any real shit on Youtube. Not that we do any real shit, but that's kind of beside the point.

Remember. We've talked this issue of yours before. Don't disappoint us all.

KOREAN MUSIC FOR YOU!

2011-10-13T21:04:00.000+08:00

http://koreanmusicforyou.wordpress.com

It's a very awesome blog, I have no idea why I didn't find it earlier. Anyway, it's k-pop download links (Sungha Jung's there too) and the links are up really fast - SHINee's Lucifer single only came out yesterday, but it's already online today. Thought I'd share the blog, you know, since it's awesome and all.

UNRELATED:

Anyway, the 'pirated'/'illegal' music online. Frankly, IDGAF. It's not like I don't care about the artists; I care, very much, especially if it's SHINee or UVERworld and stuff. But honestly, I'm planning on buying each and every one of their albums some time in the future (currently being stuck somewhere where no one sells them, and not having access to my bank account - it's for university - and not being able to persuade my parents to fork out a huge bundle of money for the albums) so it's kind of a moot point.

The only difference is that they'll get my money later... which honestly, might, just might be able to change their financial situation, especially if other fans feel the same way as me.

Might.

Honestly, I don't see how it matters so much. It's only the ones who never ever pay for any music who are annoying as hell. But hey, we all love music, can't fault others for not wanting to spend too much. Key words being "too much". I think that we should buy some stuff.

If only to ease our guilt.

XD

Encouragement that's not really encouragement

2011-10-12T19:38:00.000+08:00

I seem to have perfected "veiled insults".

It consist of praising the person, but adding words like "good attempt". This gives the impression that the person tried, but still wasn't good enough (HAH, see that there? See it? See what I did?).

It's the ultimate insult. That person can't exactly return the "favour" without looking completely stupid, and it's a blow to their self-confidence, too.

It just makes them feel like... um...

You took a look, decided that they sucked, but felt that you should at least put a nice little comment to cheer them up. It also makes them feel like you know that they know they're not that good, so you feel the need to cheer them up a little.

The best thing is that it doesn't even sound sarcastic or nasty. It's perfect.

Veiled insults for the win.

Incidentally, if you throw me a veiled insult, I'm just gonna ignore the "veiled" part and the "insult" part. The only part I'll actually pay attention to is the "encouragement" part and "praise" part.

Off to throw around more of 'em veiled insults ~ baiii ~

When You're All Depressed

2011-10-09T12:32:00.000+08:00

You know what, forget this. Who am I to even talk about this? Oh yes, besides the fact that everyone's depressed in some way. Huh.

If you think you're worthless:

If you think you have no true friends:

If you've been through too much:

If you sometimes suspect that no one likes you:

Do something.

It's not like I'm a happy kid with a charmed life. Last year, around March, I was so depressed that I slept all day and ate and ate and cried all day. Basically, I don't even remember anything from that period of time, because I was just so fucking depressed.

It was school, home, sleep, school. Literally, everything was grey. I mean, as in I don't remember any colours from that time.

And I was crying in my bed every night, for no actual reason.

Hey, I wasn't even thinking straight. Like, if you're hungry, go and eat? At that time, it was, if I'm hungry, then lie there and cry.

I have no idea how I became un-depressed again, but I'm okay now. I learned from that horrible horrible experience that nothing helps when you're depressed. Really, nothing at all. (Except, drink more water. Dehydration is a bitch, especially when you cry all day. I'm honest. Dehydration.)

A shrink? Hello, no kid wants to tell their parents that they need a shrink. Hi mom, hi dad, and by the way I think I need a psychologist 'cause I'm depressed. So yeah. If you can muster up the energy to say that, and then deal with the questions and overwhelming concern later, then ... okay.

So let's assume you have a shrink. How do you feel? How do you think I feel? I want to die but I'm too scared to actually to do it, that's how I feel.

Really helpful. I'm not scorning all the psychologists here, I'm just saying that they rarely work, short-term.

Nothing helps. See, nothing helps because no one fucking understands. Even if they think they understand, they don't, and it's even more frustrating - so frustrating and hopeless that you'd much rather just crawl off somewhere.

But if it's any consolation, it's just about half a year of wallowing in self-pity and feeling like crap every single day. That's what I went through, six months of hell.

Feh.

Anyway, back to the point: do something.

Not exercising, or eating a well-balanced diet like those shitty people keep telling you to do. Because honestly, when you're depressed, it's just impossible to give a shit about what you eat. Also, it's easier to be happy when you're indulging in comfort food.

Do something like, write emotional poetry. If you not into that, then draw emo things. This has two bonuses. I've found that doing those things drain you, emotionally, so you just feel blank and all. Another thing is that hey, something pretty comes out from your depression. That's good, right?

Or just fucking sleep. Lie in your bed and cuddle. Or cry. Whichever. It sounds nice, yes? Comforting, yes? (But sad, because there's no one to hold you - really, I mean it.) Anyway, it feels good.

But don't listen to me, I'm just rambling here. No medical knowledge, besides what my biology lessons forced me to memorize. Life in general is just depressing, you know? Especially when you think about it too much. But the bottom line is that someone cares. Fuck, if it's your online friend whose face you've never seen, it's still a friend who cares.

I'm getting slightly sappy, so I'll stop. Sappiness is not be suiting my current mood, oh no.

Taemin

2011-10-07T20:23:00.000+08:00

I really think he needs more rest, as do the rest of SHINee.

They're looking seriously tired from their Japan promotions, and while I know that it's unfair to insist that they deserve rest, I'm going to say it anyway.

I want SHINee to smile. I want the smiling, happy SHINee back.

I am a selfish bitch, yes.

But I still want SHINee to take a little break or something. I'm dying for new songs, but... yeah, their life is more important.

DL LINK Boyfriend - Don't Touch my Girl

2011-10-07T20:17:00.000+08:00

http://k2nblog.com/single-boyfriend-dont-touch-my-girl-2nd-single/

I feel like I'm doing my part by not stealing their link but instead directing any traffic to them... but honestly, I'm just another sad person relying on fileshare.

Nevertheless, their MV:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1cZ2uzxCjI&feature=topvideos_music

MOAR VIEWS, always good.

Online Anonymity (Jessi)

2011-10-07T20:01:00.002+08:00

People keep talking about this. And they keep saying a bunch of stupid stuff and blowing things out of proportion - okay, stop it. Online anonymity will always be there... it might get a whole lot harder as time goes on, but hey, there are always cleverer people than you. (And me.)

Cracked.com shared this link - http://gawker.com/5590166/11+year+old-viral-video-star-placed-under-police-protection-after-death-threats

Um, just read this first: I have neither a university degree nor anything resembling a PhD, nor am I of legal age. And, obviously, I'm not a certified genius, although sometimes I like to pretend that I am.

(I have to spell this out? Okay then: if you take my words as Truth, then you're Fucked.)

The first thing that struck me as being very wrong was that the first thing you see - the video - has her fucking face in it.

The second was that she was crying and talking about people ruining her life, and her father yelling in the background that he has... backtracing?

Sheesh.

Don't kneel on the floor, dude, it hurts your knees. Move the fucking webcam. It's a webcam, right? Move it. No, seriously, your knees will hurt.

And don't show your face. The entire problem was caused by you showing your face (presumably so that all the fuckers online can recognize you and distribute your info around, or be pissed enough to utilize their superior computer skills and track your IP the fuck down) and thus, you should probably know that showing it again will just...

Hey, wait, you're showing your father's face too. How nice, now he can be ridiculed at work.

For telling people to "get off [his] computer" and such. And for teaching his daughter to say things like "fucking haters" and "I don't give a fuck" and " - EWW GOD I CAN'T WATCH THIS ANYMORE.

SHE THINKS EVERYONE HATES HER BECAUSE THEY'RE JEALOUS?

WHAT?

WHAT THE FUCK?

'Cause she's apparently more pretty and has more friends and people who like her and "all that shit"?

EW. Now I see the true problem - an obnoxious 11-year-old appeared! You used FUCK THAT IDIOT. (And forgive me if my Pokemon jokes are very lame. I haven't seen Pokemon for a few years, and I don't exactly have a photographic memory.)

To put it simply, her obnoxious behavior attracted all the peeps to her - to mock and flame and ewwww blurrrrghh arrrghhh the pain, the agony, arrrrghhhh I'm dying. If you can't resist taunting someone in real life (those in real life tend to be just a little less annoying compared to this) then imagine the restraint you'd have to exercise online.

Basically, there are and forever be trolls - IRL and online - and you can only stop them by being less fucking irritating. Or being too self-absorbed to give a damn. Like me. See? (Actually, I have a very tender heart, and I'm easily wounded, so any sarcastic comments will make me cry tears of fluffy sparkly unicorn Edwards. Please don't make poor wittle me cry.)

Oh, I just can't...

Does she know no one who understand how the internet works? Even a rudimentary grasp of the basics - that's all anyone's asking for.

1. Don't fucking post your face up.
2. Don't fucking post your face everywhere.
3. Don't fucking insult people with your face in front of them.
4. Don't fucking insult people in a video with your face in it.
5. Keep your fucking face off the internet. (Except for a few pretty little photos, because everyone needs their ego boost.)

Her parents can be excused. They didn't grow up hearing about how the internet would ruin everything - from face-to-face interaction to your entire fucking life. We did. As in, I did. Because it seems like she skipped right past the lesson about how the internet could literally ruin her entire fucking life, and went straight to "How to Post Videos of Your Face and Insult Everyone With the Power to Ruin Your Life - Literally".

But as I watched the video, I came up with the same question over and over again - how old is she? Apparently she got her lip pierced, she knows about the legendary make-up, she has a boyfriend, she...

Hey, look at me, I'm playing with my lips and patting my fringe and twirling around and contradicting myself.

(Incidentally, I didn't know about make-up until I was twelve, and even then I didn't understand it... I'll never pierce my fucking lip because I'd probably get a fucking infection and go through a lot of pain - like with my pierced ear, which is now not pierced anymore... Boyfriend? I... I... I have my slash, okay. That's enough.)

(I also know that I'm sad and deprived and generally rather ignorant and everything, yes, yes, I know that you think I'm really stupid and everything...)

OH, MAI, GAWWWD. Is this for real?

Does she actually think a "don't fucking troll on me or I'll make you suck on my non-existent dick and get AIDS and die" video will work? Does she even know what trolling means?

Yes. No. Respectively.

BY THE WAY: this is a very belated message to the site that posted the article.
FUCKING PROOFREAD. I can't take you seriously when you make little errors like "4cha.org". No one respects fuckers who can't proofread.

A court order has barred her from using the Internet for at least three days.

Presumably someone actually understood the whole point of this ludicrous affair.

What does her mother think of it?

"I haven't seen it," she says. "I don't even go on the computer."

Fuck, your daughter... she's your freaking little kid daughter... And you just fucking sit there and say, lol no, me no go on internettt. Clever. Real intelligent. And you're perfectly okay with not knowing why this entire shit blew up? Why your entire family was uprooted? You're okay with not knowing stuff? Not knowing vital information?

Great! I applaud you!

And the death threats Jessi's mom told us about? "There have been no death threats or threats of harm in any way" towards Jessi, according to the spokeswoman.

Amazing! Congratulations!

Keep showing your fucking face all over the internet, please! Your fans miss you! Muaks! Come back and visit soon!

P.S. Tumblr fags? I confess, I like that. I'm a Tumblr fag. Now wait while I parade around with all my faggoty faggoryness at Tumblr :P

Internet anonymity forever please, get over yourselves. How else would you get your pr0nz?

I'd [prose? Is this prose?]

2011-10-05T19:54:00.001+08:00

I’d

Write you into my bruised heart,

where I can keep you

and remember all of the pain -

every single piece of hurt,

each droplet of blood…

They looked like flower petals on the ground.

And your feet

would always trample them

crush them

desecrate them

dirty their innocence.

And your pretty pink lips would always tell me

you hate me

you hate me

you hate me

you hate me.

I’d

Write you into my

heart.

Scarred wounded bleeding heart.

So that I can remember

our twisted love story

as I die slowly.

About my Blog Theme

2011-10-01T15:52:00.001+08:00

Of course I need an obnoxiously huge picture... thing... to convey my awesomeness. Don't argue. Also, the pictures are nice to look at, so if you complain about it, I'll take it as you do not have a sense of style.

Purple is nice. Purple is nice and ambiguous and nice. Very nice.

The fonts? Yeah, the fonts. It's okay, but kinda hard to read. But the other fonts are just blehh, so I stuck with the current ones. It doesn't do the dot dot dots credit, but it works. I can stand it.

Aaaand... why am I using the totally lame, totally not cool designer instead of choosing from a wide variety of blogskins or just making my own badass theme? Simple.

I'm a lazy fucker.

The blogskins are pretty, but not guaranteed to work, and I don't trust the motherfuckers who might have some virus attached to the pretteh pretteh skin. Some themes are not fucking compatible with whatever version of blogger.

Next: I hate html. I will never make my own theme, ever, because I hate html and I never want to trawl through that disgusting shit again. I'm well aware that that's what makes everything functional, but I don't want to see the < > tags and the a href=shit and ugh.

(Backstory: My school forced every one of us to learn html. I learned it... and then retaliated by not handing up a single piece of html homework. I got a F in computer, but heyyy, that's badass.)

The html thing also explains why I refuse to use blogskins. I have to go through html to change a single fucking thing. I could always just ctrl+f but that's kind of useless when you have so many fucking identical tags.

The only way that would work is if you copied the text you want to replace and then ctrl+f that... also not very useful when you're facing a hundred million 'example's and 'this is a blogskin's.

There you go. Hate the theme?

... Um, no, I won't change it, but at least now you know why I refuse to change it.

Ha.

In your fucking face.

/EDIT:/ The fucking annoying music? I get it, okay, sometimes I find it irritating too. But it sounds nice... sometimes, so it's staying.

My Departure from Innocence, and Generally Very Funny Things Because I am a Funny Person

2011-10-01T15:27:00.001+08:00

I was always a late bloomer, you see. I didn't discover music until I was twelve. I didn't know what the fuck was this 'youtube' until I was twelve. I didn't even understand how gay sex worked until I turned twelve.

Basically, my life started when I turned twelve and lost whatever innocence I might have once had.

It wasn't exactly a good thing.

Now I'm a little addicted to telling everyone around me that they're absolutely wrong, and then, armed with my completely inappropriate-for-my-age-group knowledge of things that occur at night and/or behind locked doors and/or on beds, inform them pompously that I'm correct, and then elaborate - too much - on why I'm correct.

...It's a really bad habit.

Ever heard of this meme on the internet, where it goes something like, I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking?

Fuck yes, it applies to me. To others too, obviously, like, obviously, but no one seems ready to believe that a little girl could be as mean as... as... well, me. I always make snide remarks about how everything isn't as awesome as it could be if only they went according to my weird little rules and everything. About how they're not up to par, how they all suck...

I like elaboration, perhaps a bit too much - hell yes I like it a lot too much - so with every little comment that I make, I elaborate. Like... oh great, now that I need to be sarcastic and mean, I have nothing to make fun of. Just great.

Anyway, the December of the year I turned twelve, I caught up with ... with ... the world in general. I became a zombie who was hooked onto the internet. I needed my internet-hours, goddammit, and I will have it. Somehow.

Contrary to popular belief, my exposure to the sparkly-rainbows-and-unicorns-internet-shit-everything didn't come with horrified gasps or scandalized expressions... no, nothing like that. It was pretty anti-climatic.

I found anime then, you see, D.Gray-Man, to be exact, and that led me to BL, then yaoi, and then the rest of the horny and sexually frustrated internet.

My first ship was Kanda/Allen - Yullen. Then Laven.

And then, very very quickly, my mind was thrown from its clean little apartment into the gutter - where it's residing happily now, thank you very much.

(Those yaoi pictures were welcomed with an ooohhh, and a right click and a save image as.)

Because you can't really share the same world as delusional fangirls without corrupting yourself. Oh and by the way, if you're still innocent, I suspect that this post has just eaten away a tiny bit more of that precious innocence oh god what am I doing? It's fun to corrupt people and all, but but but yeah, I'm too self-centred to do that LOL.

LOL.

So, a summary: life before twelve was a sunny little meadow with ponies.

Cue December that year: pony sex.

I think that gives an accurate analogy of how far I fell in one short month. (Also, I learned that there is porn everywhere. Everyeveryeveryeverywhere. EVERY FUCKING WHERE. I'm not even shocked by it now. Like, oh, pr0n. Okay.)

I've come to realize now that the internet is really just a bunch (albeit a really goddamn fucking huge bunch) of deprived people who find amusement in fucking with other people. I like that.

No, I really like that. There's something very satisfying about watching someone getting verbally abused over the internet, or getting trolled on by someone, or being flamed by someone... endless possibilities, people, endless.

Too many clever people, too many stupid people, too many very bored people. Add technology, you have the internet.

Oh, the thing about 'being from the internet'? Very... general term, but I believe I've figured out some rules about that.

1. If you're from the internet, you're from the internet.

2. Anyone who is not from the internet is not worthy. The end.

3. Having a computer and a browser and internet access does not equal 'from the internet'.

4. If you try too hard to be 'from the internet', you will fail. Very painfully.

5. There are qualifications. You will be informed of them via criticism about how you're not qualified.

6. If you are in possession of a 'conscience', you most certainly are not from the internet.

7. You are not from the internet.

No Sounds from Chrome

2011-09-28T09:05:00.001+08:00

I have this problem where the videos don't have sound - as in, the videos play, but there's no sound coming from it. I checked the little thing on the bottom right of the screen (I know nothing about computers, nothing nothing nothing) for the speakers, and it says that there are systems sounds and speaker sounds, but the chrome registers no sound at all. (Ah, something called advanced volume thingy - the mixer, I think)

And then google told me that shift+esc and then selecting flash in the task manager, ending it, then refreshing the page works.

Apparently it's the flash plugin.

I don't give a fuck, but I'm just happy that I haz sound again.

marasy8

2011-09-27T19:57:00.000+08:00

*Cue 'my body is ready' gif*

No, honestly, he's like the most sensitive piano player I've ever come across... anywhere. Because I don't really listen to Mozart and Beethoven (technically, I did, but that was when I was still a fetus and inside my mother's, uhh... just gonna stop here).

Anyway, there is real feeling in his covers. You know, feeling. Like, feelings.

Ugh, I give up. It's just so beautiful, so fascinating, so, uh, magical and pretty and...

My love for long, slender fingers is acting up again. As is my love for dedicated, talented musicians. I fucking love music, you know. I love it.

Matryoshka

Fire Flower

Bad Apple

Just be Friends

Cleverbot Likes Len (no pants ver)

2011-09-27T14:12:00.000+08:00

I was talking to cleverbot:

Pants?

Yeah, someone took Len's pants.

Really?

Yup, so now he has no underwear on.

Awesome.

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu - PONPONPON cover by Mai

2011-09-27T13:11:00.000+08:00

I have a question. Is that a girl, or a guy? Because he/she's really young, and I suck at identifying genders nowadays (no, don't drag LGTBQ in, it's complicated enough without that) and babies are hard to classify.

And kids all sound so high and everything...

And idk about Japanese names, so Mai is just...

I'll assume it's a girl.

And her cover is cute, if a little breathless.

That's all, actually. Kyary madness continues to spread.

AWESOMENESS

2011-09-27T11:22:00.000+08:00

I absolutely adore all the Len and Rin songs about solving mysteries and death and everything. It's just so... dark, you know? I like stuff that are of dubious subjects. People with dubious morals. Everything. Dark is smexy and good, or at least in my little fantasy world, hehe.

/shot/

Anyway, the next video's about this awesome phone cover of Gumi's Coward Mont Blanc. Yeah, phone cover, as in the person presses the keys and the sounds that the keys make are in the tune of the song. Confusing? Muchly so.

But holy fuck it's amazing.

Also, the video below will become my new ringtone.

And then there's this remix of Kyary's PONPONPON:

HAAARRRRDCORREEEE.

Aaaannd, Len is fucking hot.

Blood Type O always wins the argument

2011-09-25T13:13:00.000+08:00

@BloodTypesBloodTypes

Type A plan their arguments in advance, Type B argue loudly, Type AB argue calmly with logic, Type O win the argument. #BloodTypes

7 minutes ago via Echofon

Not the first time that I've seen tweets about how blood type O wins the argument - EVERY TIME. ALWAYS. FOREVER.

VY1 VY2 sobs sobs such awesome vocaloids

2011-09-25T12:25:00.002+08:00

I was listening happily then smiling and oh my fuck it took a darker turn. By the time the song got to the tenth year, I knew that...

Okay, it's a spoiler, so watched the video before reading.

... the girl was dead from the beginning.

Ugh. I wanted to cry. In fact, I had tears in my eyes starting from the tenth year. Yeah I tend to figure out things early like that and then turn into a pile of salt water and pity - read: tears.

That aside, I can't believe that VY2 is a vocaloid. He sound so natural. I thought that it was a nico singer with too much autotune or something, until google saw fit to inform me that he was a Vocaloid Yamaha 2 with no avatar, which was why he's kinda obscure.

Also the fact that he was only released 2011 april...

Returning to youtube to fangirl now. I don't use my nico account unless I have to, because it loads slightly slower and I have no fucking idea what all the text there says. Really, it's amazing that I managed to figure out how to sign up. (Google translate failed me - fucking server errors)

I'll wait a year for more awesome VY2 songs to pop up.

Haze from Indonesia

2011-09-12T20:55:00.002+08:00

/EDIT:/ DISREGARD THIS, I SUCK.

I don't even know what to say. The haze is affecting me, it's affecting everyone. Megan woke up and got a very bad sore throat. I feel irritable and thirsty all the time, and my brother does too. My head hurts vaguely. I'm pissed for no particular reason.

Why? Because the goddamn clear sky is now filled with haze. There's no wind, the air is thick and there's no satisfaction in breathing in. Nothing looks nice anymore, they're all foggy and unclear... if you get me, but whatever.

Goddamn. Of all times, they have to burn those stuff during my end of year exams? the exams that make up forty percent of my entire year's grades? Do you know how much that fucking haze affects us all? Inability to concentrate, annoyed at the slightest things...

It's not just this year, it's been going on for many years. I seem to remember one year, the haze was so bad that schools were closed.

This is so serious.

Your country's smoke is being blown to other countries - hello? Do something about it! It's not unreasonable at all, because we're not asking you to do it all in one day, we've been asking you to improve the situation for years.

Nothing.

I understand it's a fucking huge country and everything, but this is on an international scale. Do you feel no pressure? No shame? If your smoke is staying within your country, then your citizens can write to you. If your smoke is blown over to us, we can write letters to our governments.

BUT.

Our governments can't just send those letters over to you and tell you to improve. That is not diplomacy. That is too blunt and honest to be considered polite.

That's right. We're all too embarrassed to tell you straight out that your stupid smoke is pissing us all off, so all we can do is to sit here uncomfortably and suffer through your fucking smoke.

Your haze not only has short-term effects, it also has long-term ones. Hello? Seriously! Apart from affecting our moods, the fucking haze also affects our physical health. Lung disease! Throat and eyes irritation! Asthma, for fuck's sake.

And if you think I'm only talking about those around me, think of your own fucking country! You want to improve your standards? Then fucking stop the smoke from giving all your poor citizens asthma and such! It's already severe over here, so far away from the real actual site where the burning occurs. What about your own people? They're suffering through haze that's so many times worse than ours!

What the fuck are you doing? Ugh.

You irritate me! DO SOMETHING. Nobody fucking wants the fucking haze.

How about the environmental impacts? Huh? Global warming, enhanced greenhouse warming! Bitch, what the fuck? There's no reason not to fucking stop that shit with the burning right now!

Either they're too lazy to use the proper method to get rid of the crops, or they don't give a fuck about the consequences, or they're fucking uneducated! Lazy and don't give a fuck? Throw them in jail for a while. Fine them. See if they give a fuck then. Uneducated? Pamphlets! What else would they be used for? Government people can go and talk to them!

Oh god, this is pissing me off.

And if it's on too large a scale, then deal with it bit by bit! Ensure that this little village has a few police officers so that they won't burn crops, then move on to the next!

Corruption? Bribes? You must at least have one person that has a high position that's morally upright! Surely that's not too much to ask of a country of that size? That one morally upright person has to be busy, then, and not sitting on his or her ass!

Scare them! No one wants to be jailed or fined, so use that threat to stop them! And if it doesn't work? Then make it a reality, not just a flimsy threat! Jails need to be used!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The excessive use of exclamation marks are NOT ENOUGH TO EXPRESS MY FRUSTRATION.

The haze is SO FUCKING IRRITATING OHMYFUCK.

I've been dealing with it for so many years, I DON'T WANT TO JUST 'DEAL' ANYMORE.

I'm putting this ont he internet, where everyone can see it. HURRY THE FUCK UP. We're all suffering. From those in Indonesia to those in Singapore to those in Thailand! THINK ABOUT IT and then DO SOMETHING.

There is something wrong with this picture, OBVIOUSLY because nothing much has changed from what we see. Clearing land via burning is ALREADY ILLEGAL. If your country needs help, THROW AWAY YOUR FUCKING PRIDE. Use your brain and think about how your stupid pride is causing people to suffer.

If you want help, ASK FOR IT, don't wait for it to be delivered. Nothing wrong with that, except your hurt pride. And if they don't deliver the help they promised, then harass them a little. Delicately. Something. Mention it in a closed meeting or something.

GODDAMN, THIS HAZE IS PISSING ME OFF SO BADLY.

I KNOW you're already doing something but it clearly ISN'T ENOUGH AT ALL.

/EDIT:/ You know what, I was high when I did this post, so just fucking disregard every fucking thing here.

Life as a Student

2011-09-11T20:53:00.000+08:00

I'm talking about the depressing feeling you get when you wake up each day and drag yourself - literally - out of bed, aching and half-asleep.

The crushing feeling when you realize that there's no actual point.

The tiredness that makes you want to just lie down and stop everything.

The kind of feeling where you just stop caring.

Those days when you're too down to be angry.

Those times when it seems like too much of an effort to smile.

Those moments when you feel so heavy, you just want to collapse and damn it all.

When you remember being carefree, and the comparison seems too much.

When you're just too drained.

Just too blank.

And you start tearing up for no reason at all.

But then you don't cry, because it's too much of a bother to wipe those tears later, and walk around with a runny nose.

So you keep everything in, and wonder at the same time why you're so goddamn emotionless sometimes.

It's not an exaggeration, or over-dramatization. This is what students go through every day, almost, when they become conscious enough of their surrounding to start thinking of things other than oh look, my friend, let's go over and play. This is what happens when childhood leaves, and really, it's plain depressing.

Also, when you start thinking about going through your entire goddamn life with this kind of feelings, you go bit numb. A bit sick of it. Like, I already feel so terrible right now, and you're telling me I have to go through more of this shit? Cue incredulous expression. Cue exasperated tone.

I have no idea why we all feel this way. Maybe it's confining us to classrooms and restricting our creativity and controlling our freedom. Designated venues, timetables, everything. Doesn't it make you feel sick of it all?

/EDIT:/ TBH philosophy makes you a little crazy - I recommend that you stop thinking about this.

Avril Lavigne - Wish You Were Here/Smile

2011-09-11T20:01:00.001+08:00

Oh my god, I never thought that a MV featuring a artist who has mascara streak down her cheeks would be worth watching. Avril's a goddamn great artist. Not in terms of experience, because anyone can again that, but ... I don't know, she can make people cry.

Seriously, watching someone turning into a complete wreck is totally awkward. Avril makes it okay.

/shot/

...She's so beautiful too...

..She's just awesome...

You know me, when my friends start crying, I'll be standing there awkwardly, staring at them, but Avril's raw emotion makes me want to cry too. In the way that normal people do when their friends start crying... ugh, I don't know what I'm doing...

She's the type of singer that can affect people. Her voice is so open, like it's singing from all the way inside her (pardon the horrible description, I'm sleepy).

...I'll go to sleep now...

Set flowers on fire... must... set flowers on fire...

BieberBabyBopper, not BeiberBabyBopper

2011-09-09T18:39:00.004+08:00

They're both on Youtube, but whereas the first is just retarded, the second one is funny, and maybe even slightly intelligent.

The stupid: http://www.youtube.com/user/BieberBabyBopper
The troll: http://www.youtube.com/user/beiberbabybopper

(First off, I'm assuming that this person's female, because TBH I have yet to see any male Bieber fans) Clueless here says that she's homeschooled, which I think is rather believable. Really, sometimes I wonder if public schooling is working in any way at all...

Anyway, Clueless here like Lady Gaga, who has a "clean" image, and is a "band"... We are talking about Lady Gaga here, who deep-throated a crucifix (Alejandro, I think), and was practically naked in her Telephone MV. Among other things. Yes, I love her too. But clean? ...Um, okay, whatever you say.

Clueless also mentioned that she likes Miley Cyrus, who is also clean - obviously, my dear, strutting around like a horny whore is "clean". TCA'09, anyone? Not the 'holding the pole' part. The 'sliding down the pole' part. So "clean". Just like showing all those poor kids your bra. No, I don't like her.

Lol.

Vocaloid, my dear... you insulted vocaloids.

No, it's okay. Vocaloid is "corruptive"? In what way? Like how they talk about stories? Story of Evil series... Synchronicity... Your fairy tales are worse than that - BUT OH WAIT. Did you only watch the Disney versions? Oh, then in that case I'm so sorry for breaking it to you. Sorry for ruining your happy little world, baby, Pied Piper drowned all the kids, Little Red Riding Hood got eaten, and Sleeping Beauty - raped and gave birth to two kids while still under a spell. Great, huh? And Vocaloids are "corruptive".

Don't get me started on how Vocaloids are voicebanks and programmes, so the only evil thing are the songs' creators, who, by the way, aren't evil.

"Targeting a young demographic with cartoons and trance inducing music" - missed a hyphen, Clueless. First - not cartoons. Animation. Second, adults watch them too. Teenagers too. Third: trance-inducing music? Oh, you mean perfectly normal music, with the same repetitive beats and monotonous tunes and overused lyrics? No, if you mean that, then no, Vocaloid music is not normal. It's creative, soulful, beautiful... But let's go ask a professional whether or not it's trance-inducing.

NO. IT IS FUCKING NOT TRANCE-INDUCING.

"Lure" children towards "violence and homoerotic fantasies". Hm. Actually... I don't know, there might be a point here. Oh, wait, no, violence? Like wars (reality)? So reality is bad? Vocaloids deal mainly with love, actually, and tragedy. Homoerotic fantasies are made by their fans, so technically no, Vocaloids don't lead children in that direction.

Not going to talk about Joe Camel. That stopped in 1997, which was around when most of us were babies, so it affects us in no way at all. Bitch. Irrelevant.

And sure, Vocaloids have no "bounds", because it's called "creativity", which you clearly lack. Again, they are voicebanks and programmes, so go and attack the compusers and producers - BUT LOL NO, you'd get sued for defamation and libel. Among other things. In fact, I think the "corruptive" bands will sue you too. Have fun giving out money.

Also, Vocaloids do not "stop at nothing" to "corrupt" your country. It's not even aimed at your country. Vocaloids are for everybody. English Vocaloids (Lola and Leon) and Japanese Vocaloids (Miku etc) and recently the Korean one (SeeU).

Targeted at your country? Bitch please, you're not that important. United States is powerful, but those wonderful Vocaloids weren't created with the goal of bringing your country to ruin in mind. In fact, you're insulting your own country, implying that programmes would be able to bring it down and that the supposed issue is large enough to pay attention to. Which it is not. There is no issue.

By the by, Clueless, if a Vocaloid listener commits suicide because of Vocaloids, it's their problem and not the Vocaloids' (oh yes, I haven't heard of a single case of that happening, and I don't see how any Vocaloid songs would be able to compel someone to kill themselves either). Unless it becomes a epidemic. In other words, when an alarming large percentage of Vocaloid listeners kill themselves solely because of the music and not because of other personal reasons.

So there.

BieberBabyBopper, your argument is invalid. Particularly the Vocaloid argument.

And the "heavy metal" thing. Lemme upload this picture.

Yes, Green Day is not heavy metal. Oh wait, neither are Vocaloids, which you put under the same category. Also you put heavy metal music (I think) on videos about how heavy metal corrupts people. Not sure if you're driving the point in, or spreading the "corruption".

You sound like such a dick, assuming that your views apply to every single person on the internet - wait, that's not being a dick anymore, that's narcissistic and delusional. Narrow-minded. Egoistical. Ignorant. Idiotic. And I didn't have a thesaurus open.

I'm writing this to refute your entirely pointless points about it all. By proving you wrong on every count, we are all on the way to rendering you a hopelessly stupid person on the internet who does not deserve to be mentioned, except when describing another person of equal stupidity. Contempt, darling, this is how it feels. Contempt.

Oh, and this part after this is very ... low. Shall we say that? That part is a personal attack. Don't read it. It's just my personal thoughts after being on tumblr for too long. Don't.

Don't read it. But well, if you want, it's here.

I'll be really evil now, okay? Clueless, read this and know what true evil is.

You're not going to get laid, in your entire life, ever, unless you change that attitude or are raped.

...Sorry for ruining your flawless image of me.

/EDIT:/ The little fucker is a guy.

Regarding fanfics about noncon, dubcon, and S&M

2011-09-09T10:28:00.001+08:00

I am so sick of all of you going...

No, no, don't fuck me.

But yeah, I like it, it feels good.

Goddamn I hate myself.

Listen up, fuckers, if you write that sort of crap in your stories I will write you off as someone with zero originality. That's what everyone does - that's the standard stupid description.

Just to show my contempt for it, I will now write a humourous little parody drabble about Beyond Birthday and Raito-kun.

"Raito, pet," he says, trailing a pale hand down the smooth abdomen, "I know you like this."

The brunette moans, biting at his lip. He struggles, trying to throw the other male off, but the thin man is too strong, and his knees are weak from unwanted pleasure. Raito grunts, turning his face away from Beyond.

"Tell me you like this, and I'll let you cum," Beyond compromises softly. His other hand that is not molesting Raito is busy dripping hot wax onto the younger's nipples. Again, he can see the internal conflict in Raito's eyes.

Stop this, those defiant eyes tell him, but the words are blocked by a gag on the pretty little mouth.

"But you want this," he whispers lightly in reply, thrusting into the teen under him.

Raito whimpers involuntarily; it feels too good. He wants to remain indifferent, but it feels too good, and it's torture, and he hates himself for responding.

I don't know, I found it funny. Don't read it seriously, read it and start laughing spontaneously about how ridiculous that is. Seriously.

I mean, dude.

I've read fanfiction where the authors are extremely serious about their little dubcon scene, and they describe it so beeeaaauuutifully (excuse, I'll go get a tissue) BUT.

BUT.

You can't help laughing at least a little when you read stuff like, "A touches B's smooth skin tenderly, gazing into B's eyes, clearing seeing B's internal conflict (blah) but continuing to rape him (I'm substituting very vivid and awesome descriptions cause I'm lazy) etc". Such great descriptions...

So... I don't know, so inappropriate?

There's this line between good dubcon/noncon and bad dubcon.noncon trying to be good. Don't read it as a fangirl. Read it as a skeptic - like, what is this trash? (Sorry, Bleach reference there. I love Ulquiorra.) This kind of mindset would probably ruin your reading forever, but hey, at least you can now tell what's bad and what's good.

Good for you.

(Note: the excessive use of good and bad this this post is intentional, and not because I have run out of synonyms.)

P.S. I don't know about you, but I find my little drabble here kind of hot. Don't mind, me, just continue on your merry way. I'm probably not that reliable anyway.

Of the Vocaloid Community

2011-09-08T19:37:00.002+08:00

http://ofurotaimu.dreamwidth.org/

I love ofurotaimu. Al those yummy yummy nico nico singers, and those smexy smexy nico nico singers' voices... and awesome awesome vocaloids... and all those excessive info... I love it.

Today I went on a spree - helloooooooo~ AmonDerevex channel stalkage, helloooooooo~ music, HELLOOOOOO~ SMEXY VOICES MUAHAHAHA.

And this person on Youtube, who mixes quite a few choruses of vocaloid songs, thinks that Kettaro is a voicebank.

Which makes me extremely pissed. Kettaro is not a voicebank. HE IS A HUMAN. With a fucking sexy voice. IGNORANCE AAAAARRRGH.

This post, I have decided, will contain random shit about nico nico singers and... yeah, just stuff.

I'm a little high. Nachos, I think.

CHOCOLATE!

I found the Cantarella off-vocal version, which is fucking awesome.

I think I'll be saying 'fuck' quite a lot over here.

Also, for this

if anyone knows who is that sexy female saying 'one two three ahh' at the front, please tell me. Purely out of fangirlism! hahaha! *Awkward laughter*

/EDIT:/ Someone told me it was Wotamin.

TRAUMA

2011-09-08T13:42:00.000+08:00

I can only imagine how traumatizing it must be for one of my friends to go through my files. Like, what's this lol let's open it and see hahaha.

And then a moment of silence before the truth sinks in.

WHATTHEFUCKOHMYGOD

THIS

THIS IS ANIMATED

THIS IS ANIMATED GAY PORN.

So friends, a word of warning. Never look through my stuff. Unless you're male, hot, and gay. Then you're perfectly welcome.

That said, maybe I should make an effort to hide my yaoi from others. I mean, what if ...

...That's just too horrible to imagine.

Anyway, my friends, this fujoshi is warning you. Her stuff is extremely dangerous. Also, she will not pay for your trauma even if you sue her. See? This is a disclaimer.

~~Yaoi~~ disclaimers FTW!

(And the strikethrough part? Yes, I put in the html myself. I'm proud of myself for remembering the lessons. I never did any of the homework, after all.)

1337$p34|< and Kpop

2011-09-07T09:58:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, when Kpop idols appear on shows, their fans take the videos and fansub it. (Which I appreciate very much, because all I know of Korean is... uh, oppa?) But sometimes, because of copyright reasons, they can't use the name of the show.

Like, SGB.

So they use leetspeak. SGB then becomes $G|3.

I find this very amusing. (Not because no one seems to understand it's leetspeak and keep asking for the name of the show, no. I don't find their lack of knowledge amusing... eh wait, I do. I find it immensely funny.)

Um, okay, it's kind of amusing because I never expected to see leetspeak being used in Kpop. It's also amusing because, you know, awww they're so clever, escaping detection from search engines by using leet. Plus, it's amusing how search engines fail when encountering leet. Must be the sheer creativity of it...

(I suck at leet. All I know is the basics. I can't read it. I can barely translate one word in leet. So don't take my word on anything in this post. My knowledge here does not come from personal experience. It comes from online webpages about the topic. So... uh, this is like a disclaimer. Because I'm very paranoid like that.)

My Mother is A Kid

2011-09-06T19:26:00.001+08:00

Not in a nice way. Not in that endearing, innocent, and naive way.

No, she's childish.

Fucking hell, she's irritating, and if I could beat her up, I would. (I actually can, but it would ruin my life.)

You know when you talk to someone? You expect it to be a logical conversation, with logical reasons behind every decision, and once your partner realises that he or she has made an error - for example, making the wrong decision because they didn't think it through properly before replying - you expect them to say something along the lines of, "Oh, yes, you're right, I just realised that blahblahblah so I was wrong about it before."

Then you expect to carry on speaking to that person, having magnanimously forgiven their slight fault.

But you know with kids, the conversation never goes along that line?

That bloody frustrating little bugger will keep insisting that he's right, just because. Oh, your blood can boil. You can glare. And you can wish to god that someone who's more evil than you will come over and slap some sense into that child, because you are definitely not that cruel.

Yes, you can do all that, and guess what, that kid does not give one little fuck.

Oh, he doesn't give a damn about how wrong he is in every single way, and how absolutely correct you are in every single way. He does not, and there is no force on earth that can ever make that annoying little thing realise his mistake.

Logic, you say, the unholy creature must at least listen to logic, for our entire world functions on logic for the most part, so he must confine to logic. Right?

Fuck your logic, the spawn of Satan spits in your face, your revered 'logic' is powerless in the face of my devilry.

Fuck your logic.

Then, you gasp, how about reasoning with him slowly, using the most simplest deductions? (For example, you are ten years old. You go to school. Therefore, unless you are some goddamned prodigy, which you probably aren't, you go to elementary school. Or you could be homeschooled. Or uneducated because you're just badass and ran away from home before you ever started education. But that's off-topic.) Surely, surely he must understand that.

Fuck that too, the kid snarls.

Fuck.

Everything.

That thing is evil. That thing will not listen to reason. That thing will not respond to bribes. That thing will insist forever, no matter what you do or what you say, that it is CORRECT, FUCK YOU, I AM CORRECT.

And that is what talking to my mother feels like. I usually have this urge to sink my nails into her flabby flesh. I also usually feel the need to roll my eyes, multiple times.

Really, woman, is it so hard to think about something for once? Just because you say so doesn't cut it anymore. If you're not gonna gimme logical reasons why you're doing that, or deciding this, then your authority is automatically forfeit.

You don't lock people in jail because you don't like how they look.

Goddamn, I hate talking to her. It stresses me out so much. Why the fuck do I have to speak to her to get money? Ugh. This world.

(I'm very sure that she's not senile, so she is perfectly capable of carrying the weight of her own thoughtless actions. Also - no, I don't automatically respect people who are older than me. You either deserve my respect or you don't. You might respect your mother, that doesn't mean I have to too.)

Randomly, my blood type is O. Also known as the most common type. So when I get into an accident and am lying there bleeding to death, don't let me die just because you don't know what's my blood type and can't get me a transfusion.

Chocolates from Poland!

2011-09-05T19:49:00.000+08:00

My dad just returned from Poland yesterday, bringing with him a big bar of chocolate - which I'm happily munching on right now, by the way - I'll turn into Mello soon or something, heh.

It's nice.

The chocolate's nice. Even though it has nuts... I hate nuts in my chocolate. When I buy chocolate, I expect chocolate, not nuts covered by chocolate... but the chocolate from Poland is nice ('was' nice, I've finished it).

Yeah. Just that. The entire post is about that...

By the way, my blog's not showing. It's just the purple background and my mixpod playlist. Everything else (excluding the little share button... it's got this '+1' thing, idk what it's for) is gone. GONE. What, is this a conspiracy?

Google, you are having problems. I do not like problems. *Points accusing finger*

Parent Bloggers

2011-09-03T20:55:00.001+08:00

I keep seeing adults on blogs. Why? Flip to the 'next blog' - it's either food (for adults) or parenting (for adults) or life (an adult's life).

It's not like I have something against them... but then maybe I do. Maybe it's my subconscious, urging me to type out a post moaning about all those adults bloggers who aren't interesting at all.

...No, I'm pretty sure I'm fine with them. But they're not interesting , at least to me, which... doesn't matter at all. Their blog, theirs. My blog, mine.

Still, where have all the teenagers gone? Every blog I see nowadays is run by a mum with pictures of her kid(s). Are teens too self-absorbed to blog? Or are they all illiterate...?

Illiterate seems a better bet.

BECAUSE. I keep spotting editorial errors in books - published and respectable books, books about psychology, no less. One book missed an apostrophe. It was about Freud, I think, and it was something about "the couples therapist". Honestly, it's 'the couple's', but since I have no way to emphasize an apostrophe... I'll just leave it at that.

But there's another one. It was quite a while ago, about the science of fear, and there was a typo, I think, about 'buy'. Or 'bought', but I clearly remember that there was an error. Is the standard slipping, or is my mind just switched to beta-mode indefinitely?

Wait, how did I come to this topic?

Oh yes. Illiterate teens. Who are older than me. And editors who aren't doing their job properly. And parent bloggers, whose blogs give me an impression that young people are too stupid to type out a logical post...

But they aren't, lol.

...Just most.

Not you probably, if you're a kid, but your friends. At least one of them... can't handle grammar...

...Depressing, isn't it.

...I've gone horribly off-topic again.

The Fanfiction Fanservice

2011-09-03T20:41:00.000+08:00

So Phoebe and I are writing this ultimate fanservice (but with fanfiction instead of canon, because we clearly are too noob to own all those awesome stuff) with our favourite characters from various series.

It's set in a school, (an elite school ohoho) and we squash everyone in somehow. The two female characters are self-inserts *shameless* but the point is fanservice, so to everyone else it's just two female characters that anyone can insert themselves into.

And so they interact with the hot male characters and it's totally pointless but very amusing.

Yes. I did not just kid. That is the entire point of what we're writing - fanservice, people, fanservice. Writing down all of the fangirls' dreams so that they can read them again and again. Entertaining ourselves in the process. Because ultimately we are selfish brats.

Okay okay, we'll turn it into manga form, most probably - but only if we have time. We do procrastinate, too.

The characters include the Death Note people - Light, Lawliet, Mello, Near, Matt. And Code Geass - Lelouch and C.C.. D. Gray-Man - Allen and Lavi. Vocaloids too - Luki (genderbend of Megurine Luka) and Mikuo (genderbend of Hatsune Miku) and Len and Piko. Bleach - Toushiro and Ichimauru, but there are too many, so maybe we'll add more? Prince of Tennis - Fuji Syusuke and Echizen Ryoma. Shugo Chara - well, there's only Ikuto, who's pretty much the only awesome character there...

We...

*ashamed*

...we added our k-pop obsessions too. I KNOW I KNOW, WE ARE HORRIBLE.

B1A4 - at least Jinyoung and Baro and Gongchan. SHINee - the whole lot of them, I love them SO MUCH you would not believe. B2ST - at least Kikwang and Yoseob.

FANSERVICE. Keep chanting that to yourself, and gradually your anger towards us will subside (again: we took whomever we liked, and left out all the others, ohoho).

Ohoho.

Ohohohohohohoho.

NEW TENIPURI ANIME SERIES WAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA.

DL LINK - PONPONPON

2011-09-02T18:40:00.004+08:00

Apparently, according to this facebook page http://www.facebook.com/Kyarypamyupamyu, she is...

*Real name: Takemura Kiriko
*Birth: 29/01/1993
*Height: 1. 58
*Blood type : B
*Born in Tanashi-shi (Now it become "NishiTokyo-shi"), Tokyo, Japan
*Graduate from a girls high school in March 2011 in Tokyo.

*Fashion Model ( Japanese Magazine "KERA", "Zipper" and more)
She has started carrier since she was high school age.

*Singer (Warner Music Japan)
The first single "PONPONPON" released in 20th July 2011 contained
in the debut album "Moshi Moshi Harajuku" will be released 17th August.
This album is produced by Yasutaka Nakata (a.k.a. capsule / Perfume)

*Talent
Own radio program : "Kyary Pamyu Pamyu's way way radio !"
(Tokyo Broadcasting System on every Monday) since 4th April 2011

Own web-TV program : "Kyary's way way NICO channel"
(NICO NICO Douga on every Saturday) since 29th January 2011

*Music-Compiler (Universal Music Japan)
CD album " Kyary Pamyu Pamyu's Ghibli set"
(remixes of theme songs for famous animation films by Studio Ghibli)

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu wants to being the charisma of Harajuku.
And make the world realize that Harajuku is the brilliant place.

Specialty : make her face very strange ("HENGAO" in Japanese)

Hobby : Karaoke (Kyary with her friends dance crazy in Karaoke Box room)

Favorite : Japanese comedians ("Owarai-Geinin" in Japanese)

Food : bean sprout（"MOYASHI" in Japanese)

DJ: as entertainment at the party for her fans

Yeah okay, I thought the MV (or PV, now?) was insane, mindfuckery pink fluffy cute INSANE OH MY DEAR GOD. Actually, I was on Tumblr, and I saw Len's version of the song - here, I'll embed it too.

Of course, I had to go and see who'd make such a cute song like this...

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu.

To be honest, I still don't know ... should I regard her as a cute pretty girl with a nice voice... or the demon spawn of Satan? The youtube comments seem to go along that thread too. Girl? Or demon spawn?

I'll go search around of the DL links...

I'm pretty much a little OCD about quite a number of things, like my music collection - I have like, a thousand few hundred songs in the span of three years? Less? - and my pictures - oh, it's like four thousand? - and everything else... It's all neatly organized in the appropriate folders and everything (sometimes it's a little neglected but I always find time to make it neat again) but it excludes my pictures because I simply have too many, and they're not as easy to classify as song, with their artists etc etc.

And I'm babbling...

Kyary's version:
http://www.mediafire.com/?7ryv7yed4f3zcbc

Len's version:
http://www.mediafire.com/?t1dybz7rf2l158a

Let's Do Funny Things

2011-09-02T17:47:00.000+08:00

I haven't written anything funny for a while, being too busy stressing over my GPA - which turned out to be perfectly fine - and my fucking STGCC photos which refuse to upload.

Breathe-

In-

Out-

In-

Out-

Yeah okay. Anyway, my anxiety levels have gone way up. Imagine... imagine projectile vomiting. From the stomach, all the way up and out. It's exactly like that, and I fear that I shall have to actually study soon. No, seriously, I have not studied before. (At the most only two hours the night before the test, which is cramming, not studying, because let's face it, I simply don't have the patience required.)

Also, my anxiety levels caused me to be pissed off for the entire ... month? Which kind of resulted in the compulsive twitching of hands as I attempted to stop myself from fucking murdering that fuck bastard arrghhhhhh argh arghhhhhh.

So I've been using tumblr as a stress-reliever. This method contains gory images and sarcastic taglines - one of which was an anime picture of a girl's head turning behind to look at the camera, and the tagline was "Have a good night, people." I think I neglected to mention that her face was streaked with blood.

Oh, and she was grinning.

Creepypasta helped a lot too. Certainly, no one feels stressed when they're much too busy being scared. Unless you're not scared, then in which case I highly suspect you're either

a) the author of that creepypasta
b) *censored*

or too jaded, really, which isn't surprising considering that -

Oh wait, guys, go google smile.jpg - if you don't know about this awesome thing, you need to. If you already do know all about this, I urge you not to contact me in any way.

- yeah okay considering the amount of pr0n and everything going around. I mean, look at tumblr. Look at all those innocent little minds being corrupted with images of

shut up shut up shut up

EW.

GP Basic - Jelly Pop

2011-08-28T19:42:00.000+08:00

I can't really believe they're all 1996 kids, (except Janey. She's 1998) because, hell, they're talented. Janey too. They still have time to improve, but hey, I like it that they all look like they're having fun doing this. (A while back SHINee was looking depressed and overworked and I didn't have a good time either)

Anyway, their concept is cool. I mean, not stuff like G-Story, the overused cute image, or ... oversexualized...? They're cool. I like this group.

DN Fic Plot Bunny

2011-08-28T17:57:00.005+08:00

Title: We Are All Too Fragile

Summary: Because in B's little dollhouse, everything is too easy to break.

START

He watches with a smile as they kill themselves.

Mello and Matt are used to the red. Confined in the castle-like house, they roam around, leaving trails of footsteps in the thick dust. Everything is red here. In B's kingdom, everything is the colour of strawberry jam.

Mello bends down, picking up a rusted blade. It is only about an inch long, and he snaps it in half. The pieces are no longer of any interest to him, so he abandons them, letting them fall carelessly from his hand as he continues walking.

When he catches up with Matt, he slows, and the two of them walks along the corridors with no apparent purpose.

Nothing changes here.

The dull maroon of the velvet curtains is yet another lie that B has implemented - there are no windows. The velvet covers the concrete walls where windows are supposed to be.

Nothing changes, and Mello eventually turns away from the curtains, returning his gaze to the floor and Matt's shoes.

Today, Matt's shoes are white.

Mello knows what it means - so does Matt himself - but neither voices it out loud. B's kingdom, B's rules. B's continued happiness ensures their survival. They are not sure if speaking about it will make B angry, but it is always better not to take chances.

Because, they remember, Light Yagami had taken chances, and B does not like anything to be similar to Yagami, not after that.

And so they keep walking, retracing the previous days' footsteps. Done with this floor, they go down the stairs slowly, to the floor below, and after they have finished that floor, they proceed to the one below that. Until they reach B's door, then they pause, tilting their heads to consider.

They could always not go.

They could always refuse to walk through the door, and seek refuge in the other rooms in the large building. It is sufficiently big that it would take a few days for B to find them, but although the delay of a few days is tempting, B's punishment at the end is not worth it. They know it well.

Matt's hand reaches out to the doorknob with the barest hint of reluctance.

Mello takes a small step backwards as Matt opens the door slowly, then turns and flees when Matt enters the room.

He has no wish to know what will happen. He knows too much as it is, and knowing any more will be dangerous.

Running now, Mello tries not to let the tired tears roll down his cheeks. He does not feel much, but he feels fear with a frightening intensity. He blinks, heart thumping as the sound of Matt closing the door softly echoes behind him.

Mello does not cry, but there are tears nevertheless.

PART

Matt obediently sits as B takes out a little dress. It is girly, with ruffles and lace adorning each layer of the petticoats - and it is red, a dark burgundy with shades of purple. Matt accepts it wordlessly, turning so that B can lift up his shirt.

The cold air hits his back when B removes his shirt, but then B's fingers are even colder. The same frozen digits then unbutton his pants and help his slip out of his boxers.

The dress is now pulled over his head, rubbing uncomfortably against his sensitive skin. B has chosen to forgo the undergarments today, and Matt is shivering even before B's hands find their way to his nipples.

A chuckle.

"Mattiekins," B whispers, pushing the teen down onto the bed. His wrists and ankles are subsequently chained, the heavy metal on his skin somehow soothing yet unnatural at the same time. "Mattikins," B whispers.

B runs his hands over the slim body underneath him, feeling Matt's nervous trembling with glee.

"Mattiekins," he whispers, "How is Mello?"

Matt tenses. The subject of Mello is one that he does not wish to broach. "Fine," he replies instead, wishing that B would simply defile him and let him go, as is the routine. Rarely does B deign to converse, and when he does, something invariably takes a turn for the worse.

"He isn't missing me? Or Near?"

"Near is dead," Matt says emotionlessly.

B laughs, fingers dancing along Matt's spine. "But of course, Mattiekins, he is too delicious to save. Don't you think so...?"

Matt is silent, thinking of scarlet liquid that B drinks each day, the liquid that dries into a dirty brown. Near, he imagines, must be finished by now. Which means that Mello is next...

"Don't," he mutters, "Don't hurt Mello please."

"Oh?" comes the mocking answer. "You would sacrifice yourself for him? How sweet."

And Matt remembers that B likes sweet things.

"I hate sweet things," B says.

Unbeta'd and everything. I wrote this so that I wouldn't forget about it.

Apple App - Exodus International

2011-08-27T15:55:00.001+08:00

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2011/mar/23/gay-cure-app-apple-iphone

That was what I chanced on one day. I do realize that this is a little outdated, but I'm still extremely pissed...

Honestly, Apple...

I'm going to make this clear: I think this app is stupid, idiotic, pointless, detrimental to certain people's mental health, completely misguided, meaningless, and absolutely wrong.

By saying that being homosexual, or queer or anything else, can be cured, they're insinuating that it is wrong. By 'cure' http://www.thefreedictionary.com/_/dict.aspx?word=cure to cure a 'disease'.

By saying that it's wrong, those people who made the app are insinuating that homosexuality is a disease, which it is absolutely not, according to various lists of disorders. It's only some very foolish people wholes thinking that it's wrong and can be cured - no, it can't be cured.

Because it's perfectly natural, perfectly fine, perfectly okay. Majority of humans are heterosexual, and a minority is homosexual (queer, trans, etc) so they're discriminating against the homosexuals?

It's exactly like, for example, people with small noses discriminating against people with large noses (not really, just an analogy) or like people with long fingers discriminating against people with short fingers (another analogy). Neither homosexuality, nose size, or finger length can be changed.

So why should you discriminate against homosexuals?

(And screw the bible, dear, your darling bible says it's okay to keep slaves and adulterers too.)

This app is absolutely disgusting, and I can't ever forgive Apple for allowing this kind of monstrosity to be available to the general public (even for a little while). I can't ever forgive the fools who made the app too. Exodus International, you are despicable humans. If you're going to use the bible as an excuse for hating on non-heteros, you'd better keep slaves and stone adulterers too. If not, shut the fuck up about 'curing homosexuality'.

Unwanted same-sex attraction, the fuck. Disgusting assumptions. Absolutely disgusting. "any sexual expression outside of a monogamous marriage between one man and one woman falls outside of God’s creative intent for human sexual expression and is sinful" WHAT THE HOLY FUCK. They don't mention love. I know because I searched their page.

Marriage (which may or may not include love) between one male and one female is good, and sex is permitted.

Pffft. Seriously. Narrow-minded.

So if a man marries a woman for sex, then divorces her as soon as he's sick of her, then marries another person... Maybe I'm going too far with this.

Anyway. their (exodus) student blogs are horrifyingly fake. I'm not sure if I'm just cynical, or if it's just really scripted, but... here.

It's just a pile of rambling words, seemingly sophisticated and logical, but really just incoherent. I couldn't understand a single paragraph. The subject is confusing. (Subject as in grammar; the thing that we're talking about). The "blog" posts don't touch on anything concrete - they don't tell you what happens if you reject femininity. It's just, oh, steel walls, cold military base... enough of the Evading Sensitive and Logical Things.

Maybe I'm missing the point, because I admit, I can't see it from their point of view at all. However, I'd also like to point out that, if I was a lesbian and a christian, I would never in a fucking million years be persuaded by their bullcrap.

Or maybe I just haven't met anyone who isn't as contrary as me, someone who is more naive and trusting, someone who might actually believe exodus' crap.

Whatever, exodus disgusts me to no end.

@shazzenellalla

2011-08-20T20:53:00.002+08:00

I'll put her twitter link here, because she hasn't made it private or anything. Which indicates consent - oh and if I'm wrong, tell me.

Anyway, she's certainly achieved her aim of being 'On your mind ;)' (note: my personal opinions) by being a homophobic person and being excessively and needlessly and inappropriately vulgar, and by having no grasp of grammar whatsoever, and also, also by showing everyone with her tweets that she has a limited mental capacity. Very limited.

I mean, look at my personal tweet 'conversation' with her, after @homophobes retweeted her tweet: If my son turned gay I will get a DNA test done..chances r da hospital gaved me the wrong baby.

Her horrible grammar and spelling aside...

I replied, Congratulations, you're a complete homophobe.

To which she said, FUCK OFF are u twitter police?

And so I rebutted, No, actually, I'm just an individual who sees fit to inform you about your narrow-mindedness.

And then she told me, u look lyk a Pokemon FUCK OFF plz!

I responded with, Down to insulting looks? But thanks, I happen to like Pokemons. You're still a homophobe, dear.

She ended it by blocking me, I think. Juvenile much. She received a lot of backlash for being a homophobe and also someone who seems to have grown up entirely without grammar or spelling. Proper grammar or spelling.

From this short conversation (actually, no, I looked at how she responded to the other tweets she received from LGBTQ supporters too) I realised that she...

She isn't very intelligent.

As far as I know, she hasn't made any statement regarding her offensive tweet about homosexuality. She has not defended her opinion nor has she addressed her feelings about homosexuality at all while replying to the replies she received for that tweet. For example, I seem to remember her telling everyone who responded to that tweet to fuck off, rape their pets, or that they look like a survivor of sexual assault... this is me correcting her grammar and spelling before presenting it to my readers.

As in, she can't follow a conversation. Look at my conversation with her. LOOK at it. I'm suspecting here that she has a mental illness of some sort. Inability to understand context? Watson's better than her, and he's a computer with only a few years' worth of lessons. (Watson, by the way, was developed by IBM and beat two Jeopardy experts)

She really has atrocious english.

Anyway, we can all see that she think it's appropriate to insult people whom she knows nothing about, and tell them to do several highly traumatizing things. No one is actually going to listen to her, because most likely they'll be too horrified by her butchering of the english language and the offensive things she says.

Let me note here: it's completely different from my tweets with 'fuck' in them. I mean it as something to stress my feelings. She uses it to insult and cause hurt to others. 'I'm fucking hungry' versus 'fuck off'. It's not even worth thinking about. Also, I don't tell people to rape their pets, unless it's an inside joke.

Oh... wait... she just tweeted again.

@HerMannZittoGerman N D

@shazzenellalla lol, that is the most ignorant thing i've read in a long time, congratulations!

3 minutes ago via webFavorite Retweet Reply

I don't know what the person was replying to, but...................

Note to Self:

2011-08-20T20:14:00.002+08:00

Helen, you fucker, stop procrastinating.

Also, pressing 'refresh' fifty million times will not make stuff load any faster.

Song Lyrics for Music Project - The Sound of Music

2011-08-18T20:48:00.003+08:00

We're to write an entire song for our music lessons, so Tamara and I wrote the lyrics in a little more than an hour today :) We're dumping the tune on the other three members of the group, ohoho. Though I'll probably go help too... I have a chronic inability to trust people lol.

Anyway: the lyrics.

Scene: Maria dances with Captain (something). Baroness Elsa Schraeder witnesses this and is jealous (insecure) etc.

Her Sweet Embrace

Jealousy is a powerful emotion

I never thought I’d succumb to it

Yet now, in front of you

I feel like my world’s falling apart

I can clearly see now

You love her so much that you don’t even know

But I understand how the heart works

And I understand you

I sense your hidden affection

Stronger for her than me

I think I shall have to-

Give you up

My darling

And when you hold me tight,

And tell me you love me

The scene overwhelms me,

The scene of you and her

It haunts me.

I fancy that I will soon have to let you go

Imagine my shock when I see you both smiling

Gazing into each other's eyes

But I mask my feelings,

Showing no sign of my emotions

To pretend is to be

I don’t tell you how much it hurts me

As I reach out to caress your face.

I love you, though you may love me not

I think I shall have to-

Give you up

My darling

And when you hold me tight,

And tell me you love me

The scene overwhelms me,

The scene of you and her

It haunts me.

I fancy that I will soon have to let you go

Back to her sweet embrace

Oh, and I'm searching around for awesome Choucho stuff again.

My Apologies to My Poor, Overworked Chrome

2011-08-15T20:23:00.000+08:00

To my darling google chrome:

I am sure that it is my negligence and consistent overworking that has caused you to crash on me several times, when I know that you are the best browser around. Here I will offer my apologies to you, for ignoring your unheard protests about my over-usage of your capacities. Please forgive me, and please don't crash on me again. My internet addiction cannot take it again.

That said, I have another issue to address: when are you crashing?

Scratch that, why are you crashing on me? I'm just a teen. I'm not running any high-capacity-whatever-illegal-thing from my computer, just tumblr and twitter and facebook and other normal social networking sites that I'm sure millions of people use you for every day.

Yet you crash on me.

Definitely, there are a lot of people who abuse you more than me, yet you choose not to crash on them. All I ask is that you allow me to use my tumblr and twitter and everything else - without crashing.

Because, if you crash on me too much, I'll get rid of you one day, regardless of how sparklingly awesome you are.

Good. Bye. Remember my warning.

Gay Rights and Human Rights

2011-08-14T20:13:00.002+08:00

I really think people should stop thinking of those two things as different things. I really think the LGBQT should stop advocating for gay rights; they should be supporting human rights.

I bet it'd be infinitely harder to say you don't support human rights.

Do you support gay rights?
LOL NO.
Why not?
CUZ IT BE WRONG.
Why is it wrong?
BIBLE SAYS SO/ CANNOT PROCREATE/ BLAH.
Listen to me while I attempt to correct your narrow-minded thinking...
LOL NO MY HOLY BIBLE TELLS ME HOMO-HOMO=WRONG WRONG, BYE.

Do you support human rights?
DUH YES. I AM HUMAN.
Are LGBQT-everything-anything humans?
Uhhh... yes, I guess. Wait, no, they're not cause they're gay, durrrr.
Why aren't they humans?
UM. UM UMMM.
So they are humans.
Yeeeaaaahhhh guess so...
So they should have the same rights as any other human, like marrying each other.
When you put it that waayyy... But no, they can't, they're gays.
Listen to me while I attempt to correct your narrow-minded thinking...

Humans get human rights. The LGBTQ community are obviously humans. Therefore they get human rights too. Like marriage. Durrrr. So much easier to explain.

Plus.

Look here.

By identifying themselves as something (someone, whatever) different, it's almost like screaming, hey dude, I'm different over here. Come and discriminate against me. However much people hate the LGBTQ peeps, they can't protests against human rights.

They can't.

Because they identify as 'humans' and thus will not say 'humans' can't get married.

But if they identify as 'humans', they'll find it a million times easier to say that 'gays' can't get married.

You have to combine LGBTQ and humans in their brains.

Now, if I were in charge of the LGBTQ campaigns... yes, keep dreaming, but it's amazing how people are still talking about gay rights like it's a separate thing from human rights. They should change their campaign message.

Like, for example, yo bitches what's up, I'm trans here and I'm a human, so therefore stop making me use the bathroom that's not meant for me. 'Cause, you know, I certainly don't make guys use the female toilet, so you shouldn't either.

/EDIT:/ I am not trans.-.- Example is example.

Hospitals

2011-08-12T18:47:00.000+08:00

Ugh.

I went to the hospital again today, to get the results of my blood test from before. And the doctor told me I needed to do another test because my red blood cells looked abnormal.

Great.

Let's count.

Blood test one, blood test two, blood test three, now blood test four, and blood test five is scheduled for next month. If I wasn't anaemic before, I would be by now.

Four in a month.

I FUCKING HATE BLOOD TESTS SO MUCH. My blood should just remain in my veins, ugh, the thought of having a blood test makes me all ... want to go to the toilet, you know?

I want to put a tumblr reaction gif, but ... I'm just lazy, okay. And addicted to tumblr, and very much overwhelmed by the amount of blood tests I seem to need to take.

我不知道你是谁，但我明白我已经爱上了你。

2011-08-11T20:25:00.001+08:00

Sometimes Chinese sentences are really beautiful. That's why I want to learn as many languages as possible, so that I can appreciate the real beauty of the words, not just a flimsy translated version.

没有了你，我的生命也失去了价值。

Aish, love always makes things sound nicer.

我爱你，这是无法改变的事实。

Idk why I'm suddenly so obsessed with love, or Chinese, for that matter.

(Google translate for Chinese to English is pretty accurate. Coooooool. Btw, wrote the sentences myself. Because I'm asian, bitches. Asian pride.)

Twitter @Yo_Iff

2011-08-10T14:30:00.004+08:00

I follow @homophobes on twitter: Giving homophobes the attention they're looking for.
https://twitter.com/#!/homophobes

They retweeted this:

@Yo_IffIfeanyi Omenyi

Any man who actually wants a dick in his mouth or ass deserves to die a slow painful death

I replied

@Yo_Iff So, someone with currently 58 tweets and no profile picture is attempting to lecture us on sin. Bitch, existence is a sin.

(Explanation: I was angry.)

@Raspberrih I have "58 tweets and no profile picture because I don't give a shit about twitter. Fag

(Correction: I have "58 tweets and no profile picture" because I don't give a shit about twitter. Fag.)

@Yo_Iff Okay, so I'm a fag and you have anger management problems.

(Explanation: Accepting the 'fag' comment because I'm the bigger person, and telling him to chill.)

@Raspberrih Actually I'm a very paitent person, and I'm entitled to my opinion homophobic or not

(Correction: Actually I'm a very patient person, and I'm entitled to my opinions, homophobic or not.)

@Yo_Iff It's okay, I don't mind that you're selectively using the bible to protect your homophobic opinions.

(Explanation: I'm being sarcastic here, and telling him that he's selectively using the bible as a shield. And that I mind very much.)

@Raspberrih Read the Bible, its clearly stated, you can't argue with that. And if you don't mind then shut the fuck up

(Correction: Read the Bible, it's clearly stated. You can't argue with that. And if you don't mind, then shut the fuck up.)

@Yo_Iff I also happen to know that the bible says to love thy neighbour like yourself.

(Explanation: Just telling him that I'm not an ignorant pro-homosexuality person with no knowledge of the bible, and also telling him exactly what he omitted in his reading of the bible. Also I facepalmed when I realised that he doesn't understand sarcasm.)

@Raspberrih I woudnt feel comfortable treating another man well knowing he's tryna fuck me up the butt

(Correction: I wouldn't feel comfortable treating another man well, knowing he's trying to fuck me up the butt.)

@Yo_Iff That's assuming that someone is actually attracted to you in the first place.

(Explanation: This is not me trying to imply that he's ugly, because I have no idea who he is or what he looks like. Rather, this is me telling him that not every gay man will be attracted to him. I wish I had told him that whether someone wants to do you up the ass or not, it's simply being polite to treat them well. Okay, so he doesn't know basic politeness 101 either.)

@Raspberrih can't take that chance. Leave me to my opinions, nothing you say will convince me otherwise

(Correction: Can't take that chance. Leave me to my opinions, nothing you say will convince me otherwise.)

@Yo_Iff Let me just remind you again that you chose to follow the bible on the 'homosexuality is wrong' part but not the 'love' part.

(Explanation: I completely understand that he's not going to listen, and so I chose to state my point again, very very clearly. Just so that there's no mistake about what we were talking about.)

@Raspberrih and you chose to follow the 'love' part but not the homosexuality is wrong part

(Correction: And you chose to follow the 'love' part but not the 'homosexuality is wrong' part.)

@Yo_Iff The 'love' part includes the 'homosexuality' part.

(Explanation: It's 'love for all humanity'. Thereby including all homosexuals too. Durrrr.)

Pavane for a Dead Girl

2011-08-10T13:29:00.000+08:00

(When I saw the Takenomaru Sagami open collar shot, and the bruises, I honestly thought it was going to turn yaoi-ish. HICKEY, anyone?)

Can I just love this forever oh please.

http://myanimelist.net/manga.php?id=8735

Can't find any download links, very sadded T_T ugh I've only read the first volume.

Sorta Freeverse Poem (Yet to be Titled)

2011-08-10T13:12:00.003+08:00

I was really bored and extremely awake (no coffee) one night, so I pulled up a word doc and started typing. It was supposed to be a sad little song mourning the loss of the innocence of the past and the ... yeah, it was supposed to be sad but also naive in a way.

But then it became really disturbing and I swear, I don't know what the fuck I did. I didn't even want it that way. I just wanted a sad-song-thing but I ended up writing... taboo, I think.

*according to syllabal count, because I would have ended up writing in prose form otherwise. Thus the 'sorta' freeverse thing.

Remembering the times before now

Reminiscing about happy things

Doesn't it hurt, my dear?

You turned away, lying that you felt nothing

You looked away, pretending that it was nothing

You scorned my words, hurting inside

I wondered if maybe it was my fault

And if it was, then I had to change.

It was painful, watching you hide everything

Like salt water, poured slowly over’a bleeding wound

Like numbness, almost, or pleasure

Later, I told myself to play along

Whatever you wanted, I would give.

Yet the time soon came when it became too much

Wanting to see you again, I followed you

Without telling me anything

You've moved, to a sweet little house that was

So much better than before, I thought.

You weren’t home, I supposed I should have called

I patiently waited outside the door for you

I've a tiny surprise for you

What would your reaction be, hm, my dear?

I really hope you’ll like it a lot.

The sun behind you complements your figure

I see you’ve let your hair grow, it looks very fine

I admire it as you walk

I imagine it’s be nice to touch it

And not to mention the rest of you.

Oh, I fancy you have missed me quite a bit

From your expression, I can tell that you’re surprised

Yes, just as I had expected

Your hand immediately flies to your mouth

You scream – have I startled you too much?

Far from unfeeling, unlike the previous time

I prefer this to the cold charade you put up

I marvel at the emotion

And I raise my arms to welcome you back

But then you start backing away, shocked.

Oops, I realized too late that you can see it

The lovely crimson, dripping from your mother’s head

Do you not like it, my angel?

I’ve decorated her with your favourite

A charming cherry red, was it not?

I stop feeling amused when you start shouting

Yelling hysterically, saying that I’m a monster

You collapse on the gravel path

Sobbing, begging, all incoherently

Please don’t come near me, please don’t hurt me.

I stroke your smooth cheek, smiling down at your face

You’ve found me handsome once, called me pretty boy

Our age difference didn’t matter

I used to believe all your sweet nothings

Actually, I still do, my teacher.

Dropping your mother’s bleeding body, I grin

Tell me I’m worth it, tell me you care, my teacher

You’re the only one who’s ever

(You showed me love, teacher, don’t leave me now)

Ever told me anything like that.

You shriek that you regret ever doing that

You’re terrified of my hands and what they can do

I mean it in more ways than one

I know that you know all too well darling

What my slim fingers are capable of.

I wipe your tears away, they are too ugly

You shudder at my touch and I know the truth now

We can’t live together, ever

Because simply put, honestly, I know

You hate me you hate me you hate me

I don’t want to do this but I really must

Tilting up your chin I brush your blonde hair away

You’re as attractive as ever

My hair falls into my eyes – a curtain

A curtain that you’ve always hated.

I need to be with you, nothing else matters

I understand now, the only path this can take

For the last time I look at you

And then the gun jerks, impact and remorse

You turn ruby, colouring the ground.

Remembering the times before now

Reminiscing about happy things

Doesn’t it hurt, my dear?

Putting the gun in front of my chest

Pressing the trigger gently, gently

We’ll die together, teacher.

*going to explain it now, because I just feel like pointing out some things.

There's neglected little boy and a young teacher. They start having a relationship (yes, sexual, 'what my slim fingers are capable of') but as the boy becomes more and more clingy, perhaps even following her or stalking her, the police becomes involved. The teacher moves away and the boy is forcibly kept away from her. ('Whatever you wanted, I would give' in this case it's space.)

One day the boy couldn't bear it anymore, being too enamoured with the teacher who showed him love when no one else did, and sneaks away to find her. He finds her house, and she isn't home. But her mother is. They had a skirmish and the boy kills her, remembering that the teacher's favourite colour is cherry red.

Then the teacher comes home. She sees her mother's body in the boy's hands and breaks down.

Eventually the boy kills her and then himself, the realization that she hates him for ruining her life too much to bear.

So yes, taboo. But hey, be proud of me, I actually wrote straight. I originally meant for it to be malexmale but... oh, the insanity of the night. Not romance, per se, because for me to be able to write straight romance would take... would take... idk, but it'd take a lot to persuade me to write anything resembling that.

Teacherxstudent... okay okay, dark!taboo!poem!thing accomplished. (No beta-ing at all, six hundred twenty something words in half an hour or so.)

Homosexuality and the Bible

2011-08-10T12:51:00.002+08:00

Let me just state, once again, my stand on everything and everything and everything.

To the christians:

The bible says homosexuality is a sin. The bible also says to love thy neighbour like yourself Mark 12:31 (let's interpret this as love everyone). The bible emphasizes on how God is merciful and everything, and he loves every freaking person even they've sinned (for example, how he died for us all).

Thus: love the homosexuals.

Seriously, if you want to use the bible, at least read it all. I'm not even christian. If a non-christian can use your bible better than you do, then you're not qualified to justify things using the bible.

(Well okay, my family is christian and I used to be christian. But I've never heard anyone in my entire church talk about homosexuality and how much of a sin it is. They just talk about LOVE EVERYONE, BITCHES.)

/EDIT:/ And if we all took the bible literally, we'd still be buying slaves. Really.

DL LINK Miku and Luka - World's End Dancehall

2011-08-10T12:43:00.004+08:00

Go to video, download link is in the description.

This song is really depressing despite the tune and stuff. So, naturally, me being inspired by emo things like always, I'll now write a little drabble. (It seems to me that it would all be more depressing if you'd play the audio and read the drabble-thing. Somewhere around the one minute twenty-five second mark.)

Hop, step, jump with me into oblivion.

Shall we dance, my darling, one last time.

One little crash that goes unnoticed, let's leave tomorrow behind.

Spinning and tumbling down, it makes so much more sense like this.

It turns over and over before my eyes; I reach out for you.

Sayonara, let's melt into each other.

We'll just disappear, like so.

/EDIT:/ This song was so pretty that I wrote an alternate drabble thing in class today.

Hop, step, jump with me into oblivion

Falling into sin, I embrace you with shaking arms

The endless repetitions forgotten

Lost in the tilting world in front of my smiling face

A little crash that goes unheard

Let's leave it all behind in a spray of red blossoms.

Darling, jump with me into oblivion

Hold my hand, we'll disappear together

Just like so

/EDIT:/ /EDIT:/ I rearranged the thing. Now it's like, the two POVs of the two... uh... lovers. I think. I'll post it up sometime... when I'm not thirsty and hungry and tired and everything lololol.

Anime and Character Rankings

2011-08-09T23:59:00.003+08:00

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2011/08/09/top-50-anime-of-the-21st-century-according-to-niconico/

14 is Code Geass, 23 is Hayate no Gotoku.

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2011/05/20/top-10-anime-to-move-you-to-tears/

Code Geass is sixth.

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2011/05/18/top-10-most-powerful-anime-deaths/

Second is Lelouch from Code Geass. Tenth is Euphemia from Code Geass.

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2010/12/08/top-10-anime-characters-of-2010-newtype/

Anime, number four, Code Geass. Female, number eight, C.C.. Male, number two, Lelouch. Number seven, Edward Elric.

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2011/06/30/top-25-anime-that-hooked-you-on-the-first-episode/

Second, Code Geass.

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2011/05/28/top-10-anime-youd-recommend-to-non-anime-watchers/

Second, Code Geass.

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2011/01/10/somethingest-anime-characters-of-2010/

Sexiest, fifth, Sebastian Michaelis. Most beautiful, second, Sebastian Michaelis. Most cool, fifth, Sebastian Michaelis. Strongest, fifth, Sebastian Michaelis. MVP, third, Sebastian Michaelis. Smartest, third, Sebastian Michaelis. Most self-centered, first, Alois Trancy, third, Ciel Phantomhive.

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2009/07/11/newtype-male-character-poll-kyon-lelouch-shinji/

Second, Lelouch, fourth, Edward Elric, eighth, Roy Mustang.

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2010/04/11/top-10-male-characters-of-may-newtype-hideyoshi/

Second, Lelouch, sixth, Edward Elric.

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2009/06/17/top-ten-anime-husbands/

Third, Hitsugaya Toushiro. Eighth, Kurosaki Ichigo. Ninth, Sebastian Michaelis.

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2009/06/17/top-ten-anime-wives/

Third, Aisaka Taiga, fourth, Kuchiki Rukia.

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2011/05/28/top-10-anime-youd-recommend-to-non-anime-watchers/

Second is Code Geass, eighth is Gosick.

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2011/05/10/top-50-godly-anime-of-2001-2010/

Fifth, Code Geass, twelfth, Fullmetal Alchemist, twenty-nine, Hayate no Gotoku, thirty-six, Bleach.

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2011/04/26/top-10-tearjerker-anime/

Code Geass wasn't ranked, but it was mentioned to have placed high.

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2011/04/23/top-10-anime-you-mustnt-miss-out-on/

Code Geass is thirteenth.

http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2011/03/19/top-10-most-tightly-bound-anime-siblings/

Edward and Alphonse, seventh.

........Yea, you need to know that I'm just putting this down to remind myself that Code Geass is so fucking awesome and everything, and that Sebastian is this mighty sex-god. Oh, you were reading this? Well okay you've just been reminded about that too. So, good. 'Cuz Code Geass is good. You know that right? Because I am crazy about Code Geass, about as crazy as a crazed otaku who was already crazy in the first place. Code Geass? I only hear the good things. Ha. Hahaha. So there.

/EDIT:/ I'm obsessed about Code Geass. Obsessed, I say. For the anon: I watch a lot of anime. Code Geass just happens to be the one I obsess over, every single fucking time.

/EDIT:/ I am aware that using Sankaku Complex just makes me an unbearable pretentious asshole. Who looks at kiddie porn. Probably. But like I've said, this is just a fangirl post about Code Geass, for myself.

Sungha Jung

2011-08-09T13:24:00.004+08:00

I started stalking him again.

Freaking hell, this world is full of amazing things. Or people. People.

Gaahhhhh he is so cuuuuute so adooooraaaaaable so omfg I want to squish him.

He plays the piano too what even-

HIS FINGERSSS. Look at his prettttyyyyy prettttyyyy long fingers that are so elegantly playing the piano oh my god air air air.

FINGERS FINGERS FINGERS please compare his fingers with your own right now and MARVEL AT HOW LONG AND SLIM AND FUCKING BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE. Such perfection.

But... but but but it's impossible. Is it me or did his fingers just get longer? And at the middle parts, notice him moving his head and having fun - adorable much, excuse me, nosebleeding.

BUT WHY? He plays the ukulele too, is this an overload of talents or an overload of talents? And oh please, smiling at the camera? He really wants to kill all his fangirls. And fanboys, because he has to have fanboys and fangirls and fanadults.

I am just too overwhelmed, okay. Just one last awesome video before I go off to play with some water - yes, so I'm a teen and I hate swimming.

I don't even know anything anymore, I'm just over here, dazzled by his face fingers looks skills everything ohgod ohgod.

...He's just one year older than me, ohmygod I am so embarrassed. He's over there with all his hard work and guitar and me... well no, nothing to show, actually.

So I lied about that being the last one. Whatever, more Sungha Jung is always good.

Oh hell, he's looking into the camera and everything. Like, I am too good, bitches. There's something indescribably alluring about an unshakable confidence and long slender fingers and amazing talent and ohgod I'm reading too much into this. (Let us assume here that I can write well, regardless of the truth - me insecure much - and say that these are the lines of thought of a typical writer. Either that, or those of an obsessed fangirl.)

B-b-b-b-b-but -

Aw fuck I love this guy. I like long slender (fucking beautiful) fingers on musical instruments okay. Especially if the music is beautiful too.

WHY. Why is he so awesomely awesome and ohfuck I can't even think properly, because his fingers and his nonchalant face (oh yes, I'm playing the guitar like a fucking pro because I am a pro, and this is not very very hard for me, like it is very very hard for you, because I have so much talent that it's amazing you haven't collapsed from the sheer amount of talent I have fuck yes I'm exaggerating, because I am a fangirl and I write, and I FUCKING LOVE HIM.)

Oh and the video right above - it was composed by him. WHAT EVEN. Crying tears (but seriously, what else do I cry?) it's so beeeeaaauuutiful I can just sit here and stare all day. In fact, I actually did that... more than once... and I'm going to learn Korean or he's gonna learn english and

What the fuck I need to shut myself up.

(People want to hear him sing. Me too. But if he doesn't, what the hell, I'm fine with it. I'm totally satisfied with his guitar piano ukulele whatnot. Asking for more would be greedy.)

/EDIT:/ I may be impressed for all the wrong reasons, because I am a ignorant little girl who happens to like long fingers and music. Stress ignorant.

My only experience with the guitar was a year-long course in primary six which I mostly hated because it made my fingers hurt.

My experience with the piano was... I took lessons for a few years, then quit, then started lessons again, then quit... and then again, I started lessons, then quit again, which is where I am now.

My experience with the ukulele... I wasn't really aware that there was such an instrument, actually. I knew that there was this mini-guitar-thingy but... yeah okay that just shows how pathetic my knowledge of instruments are.

Greyson Chance - Waiting Outside The Lines

2011-08-09T12:57:00.000+08:00

He's better than Rebecca Black. He is goddamn cute. Piano!!! Piano!!! Meaningful lyrics - plus plus plus.

>.< This is so adorable.

(Also, I've decided that pianos, violins, drum, and guitars are the sexiest instruments around.)

So Sick of Blood Tests

2011-08-09T12:24:00.000+08:00

I just had another one on saturday.

Bloody hell.

OH HELL YES

2011-08-09T11:37:00.000+08:00

MY INTERNET IS BACK. I can now proceed to irreversibly scar anyone and everyone else who has access to the internet, muahahaha. It's a very hyper feeling. I am hyper.

LOLOLOLOLOL

TROLOLOLOLOL

I have an online life again.

My Teacher and My Friend and My CCA

2011-08-04T20:44:00.002+08:00

You don't do that my friend. Bitch.

At the beginning of the year you told her that a lot of people in the class don't like her.

Really? How long have you been with the class? The same length of time as her. Did you actually go around asking everyone - hey, dude, you like the new girl? No? Then why do you feel that you're sufficiently well-informed to say that to her?

And how COULD you say that to her? As a teacher, it's not your job to disclose such information. It's not your job to put students down. It's none of your business in the first place whether or not people like her.

And now you make her out to be a lonely, friendless little wild child who doesn't know how to follow the rules - hello. It's just bringing a drink up to class. So what if she's done it before and you've caught her - once. So what. Do you not understand that everyone's doing that? She was just unlucky to be caught.

You make it sound like she's the only person who's stupid enough to actually bring up a drink.

Also, you don't scold your students until they cry, for a simple matter of bringing up a drink. It's an indication that they're unwilling to follow the rules? But why should we follow such a unreasonable rule?

You don't scold your students until they're so angry that they start crying. You most certainly don't continue scolding them, increasing in volume, while they're still crying. And you should never bring up things that you said were 'settled', because doing that simply means that you're not organised enough to be sure of your points, and second, you've run out of legit things to scold her for.

You're so biased that it makes me sick.

Your little informant in the class - the female chairperson. Whom you seem to adore. Yet you blatantly ignore the male chairperson and assign the menial jobs to him, like going downstairs to fetch papers. Fact remains that the class trusts the male chairperson, who was the chairperson last year, instead of the female one, who only took the place this year.

You stereotype us all - I'm the blur one, not very clever and you don't really like me. My friend, who's lonely and without any friends. Your little spy, who hangs on to your every word and is rewarded by you fawning over her much like she does over you.

You don't trust us, your form class. When the class fund was stolen, you suspected us immediately (I'm not even talking about how you mysteriously found out about the matter even though no one told you - your dear spy) and you're always making jibes and subtly attacking our self-confidence - you don't even know what you're doing, you're not even conscious of pulling down the class morale, which shows exactly how much you understand - nothing.

You like the boys better than the girls - in another class, two boys and a girl volunteered, and you asked the class - "Should I choose Boy A or boy B?" - and you looked at the girl, never even mentioning her name.

You're married.

Stop hitting on the younger boys - though I doubt you know you're doing that, even.

Take some much-needed time to contemplate on your thoughtless actions and get to know yourself better. Really, you're not fit to be a teacher if you're not even self-aware. How do you understand your students when you don't even understand yourself? You're not qualified.

This is personal, and also completely impartial.

Verbally attacking my friend and making her cry - being biased and stereotyping everyone - putting students down - think.

Use your brain, for once.

I can't even get angry at you now - obviously, I should pity you instead, since you're stuck in your own little world and are unable to understand the people around you. Pity.

Yes, pity.

I pity you.

My CCA - no effort? Nothing's coordinated?

We put in so much effort, effort that goes unseen.

Then one sentence from the teacher - "I don't know anything about marching, but I can see that nothing's coordinated" - and you start screaming at us. Repeating the same pointless things again and again. Don't you know, we're so tired that we'd probably agree to anything just to go home? It's a tuesday. Homework. Tests. Everything.

Think about our life outside of your petty CCA for once. This CCA isn't going to get me into Harvard.

Also - teachers can be wrong, especially those who know nothing but think that their entitled to give their opinion and instantly have it worshiped. You seniors - your comments: "they're quite coordinated" disappear the moment the teacher opens her mouth. My level-mates: your confidence disappear the moment our seniors start talking.

They can be wrong. I'm sick of you putting yourself down. If you've put in effort, you have. If it's not good enough, then it's not good enough. "I'm scared I didn't put in effort." You poor, confused girl. Check up "effort" in the dictionary. It's not up to others to decide whether or not you've put in effort, it's yourself.

Lastly, I'd just like to tell everyone to think. Use your brains. The subtle sarcasm in the entire post? No? You haven't noticed it? The scorn? You must have noticed that at least.

No matter, some people never learn. It's just hopeless to even try. Logic? Bah, what logic?

I hate them. I hate people who can't see through the criticisms of others or their own misguided assumptions. I hate them so much. Scornful and sarcastic doesn't even begin to describe it. They're annoying. They're irritating. They're completely unbearable. I hate them.

(Personally I understand people quite well, I think. Which is why I'm able to ignore their feelings - you don't ignore things you don't know about.)

Kagamine Rin and Len - Black Vow

2011-07-31T15:48:00.000+08:00

Honest, this made me cry legit tears.

SHINee (Japanese versions)

2011-07-31T14:26:00.000+08:00

This is the ofiicial one of Replay http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ld95rZy27hI but embedding was disabled so T_T

Juliette should be out soon, August 27 <333 but meanwhile,

And the Hello one

SHINee, always so adorable. They worked so hard, awww. Waiting for the album or something, and then I will hunt it down and buy it.

Squeal

2011-07-30T18:46:00.003+08:00

I actually have comments. I woulda thought that people would be too intimidated or weirded-out by me to try and comment. So they're anons. But. Comments.

Comments feed my soul.

Despite the fact that I have no soul (so far, my quiz results all say I have a black soul... normally reserved for dead people) and my heart is like... heartless?

The comments go straight to my ego.

And my ego is inflating.

Arigatou, danke, 谢谢, terima kasih, thank you.....

I now have a bigger ego than ever before.

Btw getting a lot of friend requests on fb these days. Every time I check (a few hours?), there's two or three. Is it because I have a rather famous cosplayer as a good friend or because I look so cute in my dp (I look cute and I will continue being delusional no matter what you say) or because I have a lot of anime fb friends? Like, you know, those with anime names and pictures and info taken off wiki.

Or because I linked my tumblr with fb and now my wall is spammed with yaoi and yummy things?

Oh you with your dirty minds. I meant food. Not that.

DL LINK 2NE1 - Ugly & Mini Album

2011-07-28T19:47:00.002+08:00

UGLY IS SO AWESOME OHGOD.

This is like my most most favourite MV - the light, I could fangirl over the freaking lighting. Not mentioning the lyrics. And the sexy 2NE1 hair flips. And vocals. And Dara, oh my god, Dara. Her lines make me cry.

Link: http://kpop7.com/2ne1-ugly-2nd-mini-album/
Scroll.

UGLY~~
I think I'm ugly, and nobody wants to love me~

DL LINK Choucho

2011-07-26T21:53:00.005+08:00

Nico singer, Asamakku family :)
http://ofurotaimu.dreamwidth.org/25820.html

Hajimete no Koi ga Owaru Toki
Originally by Miku

Ame wo Tsureyuku
Originally by Len

Magnet
Originally by Luka and Miku

Just be Friends
Originally by Luka

Last Night, Good Night
Originally by Miku

Black Rock Shooter
Originally by Miku

BPM
Originally by Miku

Just a few of her songs :) I pretty much have all her songs, hehe, but not all of them are on youtube (I think, I didn't get them off youtube) and also, I'm lazy.

The folder.

Oh, and I know she has albums. I'm too lazy to go find it all, so I suppose you'll have to look by yourself. Ohohoho.

Kiwis~~~

2011-07-26T21:36:00.002+08:00

I don't want to talk about my cca.

I keep eating kiwis lately. Like, three. Per day. And my mother keeps buying them, which I suppose is good.

But the kiwis have this... idk what to call it... fur thing. ITCHY ITCHY EVERYWHERE OMG.

Tell me, do they cross-breed kiwis with pears to get golden kiwis? Because my geog teacher said so. Gonna ask google now.

Lulz.

And I think the acidity level of kiwis is too high for my mouth. Feels like the kiwi juice just killed off all my taste buds.

I WRITE LIKE

2011-07-25T20:53:00.000+08:00

http://iwl.me/

I completely forgot if I've posted this before, but I write like Oscar Wilde. I analyzed almost all of my fanfiction and fiction and everything. First I had some... idk someone famous but I forgot the name... then J.K.Rowling then Oscar Wilde. He showed up the most. Like, almost every time.

Anyway. The place where they poked a needle in me and took out blood is hurting. It's not even a hurt that you can press until it's numb and goes away. Ugh.

6word Stories

2011-07-25T20:45:00.002+08:00

I wrote a lot of them for my school's english ... thing. But only submitted three.

Breathe,
Love,
Live.
Fleeting memories fading.

Dull purple bruises.
Goodbye.
Love you.

You're my obsession.
Don't run away.

And I really like Ernest Hemingway's
For sale:
Baby shoes, never worn.

So meaningful.

And apparently I'm like the only one who knows him in my entire class. Great, no one else reads anything anymore. Oscar Wilde? Oh no, never heard of him. George Elliot? Nope. H.P.Lovecraft. LOL NO.

NO ONE READS ANYTHING ANYMORE.

/EDIT:/ A new one:

Admiration.
Infatuation.
"No."
Mine.
MINE.
...Blood.

Blood Test~~~

2011-07-25T20:39:00.000+08:00

Haemoglobin count just dropped from 11.5 to 9.6. Great, I need to see a specialist. Most probably. And definitely have more blood tests. I'm starting to feel like on of those people who blog about their illnesses so that others can find hope.

...I'm actually just a selfish bitch who wants to complain about her problems, so... *shrugs*

I didn't take the prick on the finger this time. Surprisingly, I didn't start bawling. Just hyperventilated and then watched the needle go into my skin.

Pretty fucking scary.

...Do you know how awkward it is to move around with a 'wound' on the inside of your elbow? Ugh. This sucks so much. (Oh, and Taemin's getting hotter and hotter, but that's just cause I went on Tumblr just now)

I can't move around properly. I can't exert any force with my left arm because I'm so paranoid about blood coming out and me hurting my vein and the entire part becoming swollen and blue-black - which it does, if you don't press it properly during the first few minutes after the nurse takes out the needle. My mom had a shitty nurse once - my brother, c-section, needles, long story short - and it was real. Fucking. Scary.

Probably why I was scared of blood tests in the first place, since apparently I had some pretty bad asthma when I was a kid and needed intravenous stuff all the time. According to my mom, she'd give me injections at home (she was a nurse, remember) and I'd just sit quietly and watch.

The only thing that changed from then to now is that
a) I have no more asthma
b) I have a mortal fear and people sticking needles in me. And then drawing out blood.

Haven't taken the plaster off yet, but pretty sure it's not swollen and blue-black.

So yes, I'm like anaemic. I need iron supplements... haven't taken any yet, but really hope that they taste good. Which is unlikely, but hey.

GDI, I only wanted a free ticket out of too much physical exertion. Maybe this is like karma. For, idk, taking advantage of people and being too selfish and griping about every single thing and ... uhh ... cheating and lying?

Whateverrrrrr.

I'm going back to tumblr. They'd better have some good yaoi for me. (And they don't have a fuck yeah Toushiro at ALL. As in Hitsugaya Toushiro. But they have a fuckyeahichimarugin ^^ I luurrve him. Along with Toushi, of course. Toushiiiiiii)

So I talk too much.

I Wanted To

2011-07-23T15:25:00.001+08:00

I wanted to post about something that pissed me off a lot.

But I'm so lazy.

So lazy, you hear me.

Too lazy 0w0.

Hehehe.

DL LINK 2NE1 - Hate You MV

2011-07-23T15:24:00.001+08:00

<33333333 OHGOD, IT'S 2D. <3333

...lol.

http://kpop7.com/2ne1-hate-you-digital-single-mp3/

Rebecca Black - My Moment

2011-07-19T20:48:00.000+08:00

Wow, fuck, why didn't she sing like this for Friday?

..But her voice is still weak. The lyrics are better, but still repetitive. Not going to go on about that, though, because even the best have repetitive lyrics.

Oh, this is so much better than Friday. So much. I'm going to say 'so much better' again.

...But listen to it a little louder and you realise that her voice is still not really developed - still weak. It sounds much better but nothing can hide the fact that it's weak. Oh well.

Wait a few years and I might actually like her music.

..But like five years, maybe.

What's Plurk?

2011-07-15T21:46:00.000+08:00

I have referrals from plurk. What is plurk.com. 可以吃吗？Lol Yonor, you taught me this.

But seriously, what's plurk?

Response - Hilary Duff - Elixir

2011-07-14T15:58:00.001+08:00

THE FUCK SHE WROTE A BOOK. I saw it at the library today too, and it shocked me so much that I had to make a separate post all about it.

...Okayy, just finished reading it. I'm not sure if I'm being judgmental about it (because she's a singer and actress and I might be biased against those kind of people becoming writers) but the book is boring and typical. It wasn't really climatic and actually I only borrowed and read it because I was kinda surprised...

Frankly the plot is actually fine. Cliche, of course, as it is with two guys and one girl whom they both love, but acceptable. I don't mind it. But the writing is another matter.

It seems like she collaborated with this other person Elise Allen or something - but...http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/124004433 yes, lifeless. I didn't even identify with the character - not that I need to identify with characters to like a book but this Clea was just a piece of blank paper. -.- There wasn't enough development ...

I realized that Clea annoys me, because she's not exactly a thinking individual with a logical brain. Seriously, you go off oh yes I love you let's have sex in my best friend's car, with someone you thought (or still think) is a serial killer and have no proof that he isn't? Oh but you love him. Of course. After seeing him appear in your photos, all the way back to when you were a baby. And he appears in your dreams.

Enough stereotypes, Hilary, this book is a turn-off. You might have had a good plot but your writing wasn't mature enough to support it. Hell, maybe if you'd taken more time with the writing, or read it from an outsider's point of view, then you might have rewritten parts to convince the reader better. Because I'm not convinced. And I'm so much younger than you it's not funny.

I'm getting irritated here, because I realized that I've wasted my time reading that book.

And the way it ends. So what if there's a sequel - or more than one sequel - on the way. I demand a proper ending. I'm not sure if you understand, but a novel is supposed to end with an ending. Not a string of words to make way for the second 'novel' - if you wanted to do that, then you should've combined both book one and two into a single novel and called them parts one and two.

Because really your ending is nothing. Actually the whole book is nothing because I don't feel anything. Nothing. Your vocabulary could be faked with a thesaurus - hell, go ahead, I use it sometimes too - but your writing can never be faked. The way you write just doesn't move people and I repeat, you go for the emotions. But you don't in this book because you can't, and goddamn it frustrates me-

Fuck this, I give up on being nice. Your writing sucks. You or Elise Allen or whoever. It sucks. Plain enough?

Can't you explain properly instead of repeating - I can't seee, but I can feeeeeeeel... I'm movingggg...

Really? So why can you not tell us what you feel? And how the fuck do you know you're moving? Is it because you've got a carsick-ish feel and want to throw up? Or what? And the fuck do you mean by Sage keeps showing up in stupid photos related to her? Tell us, fuck it, are you writing a novel or making money? Are you writing a novel or a prequel? Fuck, because it sounds like an extremely long and tiring prequel.

I don't like this book. It doesn't explain anything. It leaves me with so many questions that for all it's worth, it is really just a prequel.

Ew.

Get the book away from me. I regret picking it up just 'cause I liked her music somewhat.

DL LINK Blank Slate (Akusaga) Manga by Kanno Aya

2011-07-13T21:49:00.000+08:00

BISHOUNEN <333 AND THERE'S LIKE HINTS OF SHOUNEN-AI (not sure if it's hint or blatant, too used to yaoi) FANGIRL FANGIRL.

http://www.anime-sharing.com/forum/completely-scanlated-manga-29/akusaga-4944/ Ummm scroll down.

*///* I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. I went to the library today and was pleasantly surprised :) they updated their manga section ohohoho. So right now I have the physical copy of the two volumes in front of me now - it's a good feeling, my dear.

No 'Compose' on the Safari

2011-07-13T11:24:00.001+08:00

Thanks for not supporting the 'compose' mode, my dear, I'm forever indebted. Also, the message says that I need a more recent version of Firfox, Internet Explorer, or Safari. My Chrome? Where's my Chrome, bitches.

I'm on the iPad... No idea how to upgrade the browser and I have a sneaking feeling that if I were to attempt to update anything, I'd find the need to know a certain password... Which I don't.

Also, tap tap is having problems with Facebook. I'll just uninstall it. And never let it touch Facebook again.

Bitch I Hate Blood Tests (Anaemia)

2011-07-12T20:46:00.014+08:00

OHGOD if you force me to take another one I'll fucking kill you.

(More later, still traumatized)

Later:

Had to get a blood test because my mother thought I had Dengue fever. And because I really fuckin' hate blood tests, I threw a fit and started crying when the woman doctor wanted to stick a needle in my arm and, thanks so much, take some of my blood outside my body, where it belongs.

In case you didn't know, the needle goes into the inside part of your elbow - how do I even call that thing?

In the end she pricked my finger and squeezed it (multiple times) and dripped the poor droplets of blood into a container - it was tiny but try calling anything tiny when you're there trying to fill it up with your blood.

Oh, and it was the middle finger on my left hand. What does this mean? It means that I can't actually press my middle finger too hard onto anything or it'll hurt like fucking hell. And what does that mean? It means that I'll be getting a lot of practice holding my my middle finger these coupla days. (My mother says it'll be fine in two days but NO. NEVER TRUST YOUR MOM. Moms' sensations of pain are different from yours, their's have been dulled by years of child-raising.)

By the way, the prick on the finger is for babies. I saw a girl at least three years younger than me take the needle in the... inside of the elbow. I am a baby. I must be indulged.

Well, if you see me around with my middle finger raised, don't hesitate to give me the benefit of the doubt and assume that it's 'cause my finger is fragile. ;P

It turns out that my haemoglobin count is low - the norm is about 12 to 15, but mine was 11.5, it means that I'm either not eating enough of something, or I have some disease and I'm gonna die young. My mother used to be a nurse, and the news freaked her out ;P Apparently most people with that disease die really young. (Idk what it's called in english, we spoke in chinese.)

Research (http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/anemia-000009.htm and http://www.bupa.co.uk/individuals/health-information/directory/i/anaemia-iron) told me it's

Iron-deficiency anaemia, or just anaemia, actually. Women need 14.8mg per day while men only need 8.7mg. How unfair.

Symptoms...

· Tiredness

· Weakness

· Shortness of breath

· Pale skin

· Lightheadedness

· Headache

· Feeling cold

· Rapid heartbeat and chest pain

Ouch dude, I had basically all those symptoms. Sucks ass.

Oh and btw a lot of fanfictions use anaemia. Lol lol idk but it seems so funny to me right now. Hurhur.

/EDIT:/ Wait did she mean I might have sickle-cell anaemia? 'Cause that kinda reduces my life expectancy by roughly half. If the doctor was referring to this disease, then it explains why she was asking my mother if anyone in my family had *that disease* whose english name I'm still not sure of.

... Actually now I'm sure it's iron-deficiency, because wiki told me a low MCV, MCH and MCHC count was usual for iron-deficiency, and I have all three. My platelets count is normal, though - wiki says it's common, but whatever. Oh and my RDW count is high, as wiki expected.

Hmm. Anaemia? Does that mean I can skip out on my UG activities? No real motive, just wondering.

Checklist for Hidden Anger

2011-07-11T21:59:00.009+08:00

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/22w2tM/www.surrenderworks.com/library/imports/distortedthinking.html

Checklist for Hidden Anger

Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks.
Perpetual or habitual lateness.
A liking for sadistic or ironic humor.
Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation.
Frequent sighing.
over politeness, constant cheerfulness, attitude of "grin and bear it".
Smiling while hurting.
Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams.
Over-controlled monotone speaking voice
Difficulty in getting to sleep or sleeping through the night.
Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you are usually enthusiastic about.
Slowing down of movements.
Getting tired more easily than usual.
Excessive irritability over trifles.
Getting drowsy at inappropriate times.
Sleeping more than usual / maybe 12 to 14 hours a day.
Waking up tired rather than rested or refreshed.
Clenched jaws or grinding of the teeth / especially while sleeping.
Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching and similar repeated physical acts done unintentionally or unaware.
Chronically stiff or sore neck or shoulder muscles.
Chronic depression... extended periods of feeling down for no reason.
Stomach ulcers.

Me:

Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks.
A liking for sadistic or ironic humor.
Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation.
Frequent sighing.
over politeness, constant cheerfulness, attitude of "grin and bear it".
Smiling while hurting.
Over-controlled monotone speaking voice
Difficulty in getting to sleep or sleeping through the night.
Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you are usually enthusiastic about.
Slowing down of movements.
Getting tired more easily than usual.
Excessive irritability over trifles.
Getting drowsy at inappropriate times
Waking up tired rather than rested or refreshed.
Chronically stiff or sore neck or shoulder muscles.
Chronic depression... extended periods of feeling down for no reason.

Hoho. Guess who's got hidden anger. ;P

(The fuck is wrong with blogger draft. Fuck you I'm switching back to the fucking stable version because, fuck, I don't like having messed-up formats.)

/EDIT:/ I'm using the normal blogger again, BUT THE FUCKING BOLD/ITALIC/STRIKETHROUGH STILL WON'T GO AWAY. I'm now going to look through the fucking html -.- fuck it. I fucking hate html.

why is everyone being so fucking depressed

2011-07-10T17:21:00.002+08:00

so what i mean like i get depressed too but wth they're so fucking overboard you can't even laugh at their delusional ass anymore and so all you can do is to stare in horrified shock at the words and feel the disgust creeping up on you.

i'm not even talking about those who have reasons to be 'upset' - and it's in quotation marks because it's not even at the 'upset' level any more - i'm talking about those who just emo around for no fucking reason entirely and post those fucking emo things and pretend to be all so fucking emo and so fucking depressed that a kinder and more gullible person might actually believe that they'd kill themselves off one day.

it's them who piss me off.

ohgod the amount of self-pity going around here. i know we all get depressed at some point and then walk around the house like a recently-revived zombie or something. and then like, think about death, of course, because what else do you do?

but they spend their entire life or teen years or something posting emo shit up on their blogs and reblog emo shit on their tumblr, and tweet emo shit on their twitter, and then go on facebook and put some emo shit as their status.

emo shit.

because i see so much of it that worth as much as a bunch of feces to me.

actually there are worse people than those who pretend to all angsty and emotional and ohgod i need some fucking prince charming so that i can fucking fall in love and fucking fuck him then get fucking pregnant and get more fucking depressed - oh what? i'm assuming things that are extremely unlikely to happen? then i'm sure that everyone who talk about love and sex online are of legal age. teenage pregnancy. heard of it? yea? then you should also have heard that it's rising.

yes, so the people who are worse - the i-fucking-take-every-fucking-single-fucking-thing-fucking-personally kind.

so i'm not being nice today. fuck you too, and fuck caps too.